well im feeling really low today and its scary i want to be happy. ive been in the psych ward for about a week might be leaving today and im terrified

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I feel like shit. I haven't slept, I haven't ate real food since the 12th, I'm in pain, both emotionally and physically. I'm just in so much pain right now.- The physical pain doesn't matter, it doesn't. It'll go away, it'll fade, but my emotional pain doesn't. It only hides and plays pretend long enough for me to fucking act like I'm a perfectly fine person, no, a perfectly fine teenage girl. But I'm not.

First of all, I am not a girl, and no one seems to freaking understand that....

I. Am. Obsessed. With. Suicide.

I don't know why! I don't feel actively suicidal at the moment (in fact the suicidal patches are getting shorter and more infrequent, thanks quetiapine), but I'm still obsessed with how, and how long, and how effective - I'm still researching it, courtesy of google.

I did find out that had I gone for plastic bag suffocation in hospital, I would have been dead within ten minutes - meaning I would have been dead for at least five minutes...