Typed out a whole blog but realised i was saying way to much and that i need to learn to shut up. Not like anyone really cares. Want to hide away. Really struggling right now.

Feel so unsafe right now, can't handle everything. Lost pretty much all hope. I'm trying to stay strong and fight this crap i really am but i just can't take all these arguments. Friends had a go at me for not going today. Well sorry if i don't want to go into the middle of a riot zone. My anxiety is pretty bad at the moment as it is without making...

Ever felt like the enter world is against you and that everyones out to get you? Thats how i feel right now. I feel so alone, so stupid and worthless and just a useless waste of space. I can't help but feel like this. People keep telling me how much i mean to them and how important i am. My uncle told me my little cousin keeps asking for ma all the time when i'm not there and that was one of the first worlds she learnt. He said i'm practically her favourite person in the world. She so adorable and...

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This week has been strange. It's made me question a lot of things. Don't really know anything anymore. Don't even know why i should bother fighting this. Not like anyone really cares anyway. Don't know how much longer i can do this on my own.

Freaking out now. Don't want wednesday. Really can't handle it. So scared. Don't think i can go anymore. Won't admit the truth anyway. Don't want to talk about stupid suicide attempts, selfharm, overdosing, urges, thoughts, starvation, purging, the past. Maybe i should just cancel. Don't want to do this on my own but i don't want anyone knowing.
Just let me go?

Feel awful right now. Falling apart and i don't know how much longer i can keep it together anymore. I'm so tired of fighting this. Just think it would be better if i was to dissapear.

...

Tried to help today. Screwed up as usual. My mom asked me to clean the windows. I wanted to. I wanted to help her and prove i'm not as useless as everyone makes out but i just couldn't do it. It was stupidly sunny. Everyone was outside in bikini tops or short sleeves. I had a long sleeved jumper on hiding all my scars that noone knows about. I couldn't risk anyone seeing. So it told her i didn't want to but i would do something else. She moaned but i guess i'd rather that than her find out the truth....