I feel like I'm going to crumble, that I'm going to blow away in the wind like dust. I'm so there at the moment. I'm just so so so so tired. I'm just ready to burry myself in the covers and never come out. Not to eat and not to talk.

I'm just so tired of being so different. I'm just so tired of never fitting in, never feeling like I belong. I just want to give up. Lock away everything and just pretend that it's all right, that I don't exist.

Like, now I have to deal...

I'm quickly finding out that I do have triggers, mainly unavoidable ones, too. Like, people's usually offhand comments, someone telling me that there is something wrong with my appearance either something I'm personally not happy with or something I actually like, someone doubting me when I'm being true, my mother's nagging.

These are all ordinary things, nothing too bad, yet they send me reeling. They make me want to die. Sadly, I will almost never be able to avoid any of these....

I feel like shit. I haven't slept, I haven't ate real food since the 12th, I'm in pain, both emotionally and physically. I'm just in so much pain right now.- The physical pain doesn't matter, it doesn't. It'll go away, it'll fade, but my emotional pain doesn't. It only hides and plays pretend long enough for me to fucking act like I'm a perfectly fine person, no, a perfectly fine teenage girl. But I'm not.

First of all, I am not a girl, and no one seems to freaking understand that....

I'm tired of letting people walk all over me. I'm just sick of it all. Just because I don't like to pick fights does not give anyone the right to just use me, or act like they can say, do, or treat me/my things in any way without a care!

I don't pick fights because whenever I do I blame myself for doing something wrong, when all I was doing was sticking up for myself for once. That's all I ever tried to do with Cas, and look where it's gotten me? Another therapy, another school where...

At the moment, I'm annoyed at both myself, and a few other people. I'm sorry that I rant so much, but it honestly helps, since I'm too much of a damn coward to actually face the people I'm annoyed at . I don't want conflict and I don't want to be misunderstood, so it's best to forget after ranting.

Like, I'm annoyed at myself because there are people that I can't say no to. I don't know how to say no and then I do things and then sometimes I don't like what I've done and sometimes...

Thinking back on some things, I've realized that I'm pretty stupid. But not in a mean way, more in a "that-was-really-dumb!" way.

Like, I've once thought that Elton John and John Lennon were the same person.

I've also thought that Oli from Bring Me The Horizon was Andy Sixx from Black Veil Bride were the same person.

When on the train from Ottawa to Toronto I thought Lake Ontario was the ocean.

I once questioned why flies die...