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Rant? (when will I stop...)
Posted July 7th 2012 at 03:27 AM by George^^
I'm tired of letting people walk all over me. I'm just sick of it all. Just because I don't like to pick fights does not give anyone the right to just use me, or act like they can say, do, or treat me/my things in any way without a care!
I don't pick fights because whenever I do I blame myself for doing something wrong, when all I was doing was sticking up for myself for once. That's all I ever tried to do with Cas, and look where it's gotten me? Another therapy, another school where I don't want to be, other bad memories. I can't even talk about the incident without bursting into tears.
There are so many things that annoy the hell out of me that I just let people do to me because I don't want another Cas, I don't want another person telling me that when I had cried out and got unanswered and then fought for some compassion, that I was being a bitch, someone to use. May I tell you she said that it was all because she was going through shitty things? - When you feel shitty you shouldn't be a bitch, or a bastard, I don't care, to another person, who had only wanted your help as a "best friend". - Damn, why am I reverting back to that bitch? What's in the past is in the past over the fact that I'm always called a "She" by someone which I'm taking harder than usual, the fact that my friend had left a half drank pop in my room, unplugged my lamp, and left my room a bigger mess than it is, and the fact my head hurts.
It's just... I can't get it out of my head that this is my fault, the reason I'm always feeling so bad is my fault, because I don't stand up for myself enough, that I let people do things to me when I shouldn't.
I SHOULD be able to fight for my correct pronoun use.
I SHOULD be able to fight that I AM STILL trans, and that I had never STOPED being trans.
I SHOULD be able to fight that the way she (my friend) acts about my relationship based on my beliefs is WRONG and that she should just LISTEN to me.
I SHOULD be able to tell my friend that I did not appreciate having to try and get my room clean enough to sleep in and find a whole bunch of things that I did not want to deal with.
I SHOULD stop being such a mess, but I have problems with it.
I'm sorry about the rant, I just wish I could stop having them, but it isn't possible.
I don't pick fights because whenever I do I blame myself for doing something wrong, when all I was doing was sticking up for myself for once. That's all I ever tried to do with Cas, and look where it's gotten me? Another therapy, another school where I don't want to be, other bad memories. I can't even talk about the incident without bursting into tears.
There are so many things that annoy the hell out of me that I just let people do to me because I don't want another Cas, I don't want another person telling me that when I had cried out and got unanswered and then fought for some compassion, that I was being a bitch, someone to use. May I tell you she said that it was all because she was going through shitty things? - When you feel shitty you shouldn't be a bitch, or a bastard, I don't care, to another person, who had only wanted your help as a "best friend". - Damn, why am I reverting back to that bitch? What's in the past is in the past over the fact that I'm always called a "She" by someone which I'm taking harder than usual, the fact that my friend had left a half drank pop in my room, unplugged my lamp, and left my room a bigger mess than it is, and the fact my head hurts.
It's just... I can't get it out of my head that this is my fault, the reason I'm always feeling so bad is my fault, because I don't stand up for myself enough, that I let people do things to me when I shouldn't.
I SHOULD be able to fight for my correct pronoun use.
I SHOULD be able to fight that I AM STILL trans, and that I had never STOPED being trans.
I SHOULD be able to fight that the way she (my friend) acts about my relationship based on my beliefs is WRONG and that she should just LISTEN to me.
I SHOULD be able to tell my friend that I did not appreciate having to try and get my room clean enough to sleep in and find a whole bunch of things that I did not want to deal with.
I SHOULD stop being such a mess, but I have problems with it.
I'm sorry about the rant, I just wish I could stop having them, but it isn't possible.
Total Comments 3
Comments
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oops it posted to many time sorryPosted July 9th 2012 at 02:12 AM by _Xander_
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if u want something u should fight for it be who u feel u are george and make the life u want for urself. i know u r a good person just from the small converstionswe've had and i know u can do anything u set ur mind to if u try. so george if u don't want people walking over u don't let them. i know u r afraid to hurt people but u shouldn't let them hurt u defend yourself. be a man george grow a pair i know i wish i could
. hope i helped
SwitchPosted July 9th 2012 at 02:13 AM by _Xander_
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if u want something u should fight for it be who u feel u are george and make the life u want for urself. i know u r a good person just from the small converstionswe've had and i know u can do anything u set ur mind to if u try. so george if u don't want people walking over u don't let them. i know u r afraid to hurt people but u shouldn't let them hurt u defend yourself. be a man george grow a pair i know i wish i could. hope i helped ,
SwitchPosted July 9th 2012 at 02:14 AM by _Xander_
