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Today

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Posted October 13th 2017 at 10:00 AM by LlamaLlamaDuck

Itís today! In half an hour Iím heading to my rheumatology appointment. Iím trying not to get my hopes up. I keep telling myself that theyíll just tell me nothing is wrong. Even though I feel like this pain isnít normal. The physiotherapist gave up. She was obviously relieved when I told her I had a rheumatology appointment because I didnít have to be her problem anymore. She did her usual thing of pressing on my back, which did nothing but make me jump away from her hands and try not to yell out because it hurt so much. But because it wasnít the same kind of pain I get when I sit down for too long, she decided it must be the way Iím sitting and I should try pelvic floor exercises. Then she said to see what the rheumatologist said and call them if I want another appointment after that. I donít. Physiotherapy has never been useful and generally causes me more pain rather than improving the pain I already have.

Iím both cautiously hopeful that getting a diagnosis either today or in a follow-up appointment later will mean I can definitively know this is what is wrong and this is how weíll deal with it. But Iím also scared. Iím only 24 and in 18 months I can see such a huge difference in what I could do back then, and what I can do now. I only thought of it this morning but it scares me how much Iím not able to do in such a short period of time. I donít want to be labelled with something so life changing. I donít want to deal with what will come with that label. But what good is living like this with no answer and therefore no way to fix it? My study year has started, I canít keep coming home and going to bed, I need the energy to study and do work on here. Instead Iím just tired all the time. A solution to that alone would be a great step forward.

In other news, the rheumatologist wanted me to bring a urine sample. I have no idea why but that was an interesting experience.
Me: Okay, put the pot under here and...
Body: Letís pee in this direction instead!

TMI but whatever.
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    Celyn's Avatar
    Best of luck with the appointment! It does seem to be a double edged sword with getting a diagnosis, but at the very least I hope that you'll be able to find a treatment that works for you
    permalink
    Posted October 13th 2017 at 12:47 PM by Celyn Celyn is offline
  2. Old Comment
    cynefin's Avatar
    Hoping your appointment goes well! I will be thinking of you.
    permalink
    Posted October 13th 2017 at 01:00 PM by cynefin cynefin is offline
 


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