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Great.

Posted March 5th 2011 at 03:12 PM by LlamaLlamaDuck

T-R-I-G-G-E-R-E-D.
By nothing at all.
Bleed.
Drink.
Overdose.
Done.

Thishastostop.

LlamaLlamaDuck

Llama Lover/Skittle Minion

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"You can't break what's already broken."

Posted March 4th 2011 at 09:49 AM by LlamaLlamaDuck

I just got back from placement. They sent me home after I almost passed out/threw up in the dining room while the residents were having breakfast. One of the dining ladies got Kerry. She told me to come to the staff room with her. Just shook my head. Everything was dark and I felt like I was dreaming. She stood me up anyway and took me. Felt so sick. Kept coughing. She told me my heart was racing and left me there. Sat for over an hour in the staff room before my supervisor drove me home.
...

LlamaLlamaDuck

Llama Lover/Skittle Minion

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So over this.

Posted March 3rd 2011 at 05:48 PM by LlamaLlamaDuck

I want to move out. Badly. Except I don't have anywhere to go. My friend was supposed to be leaving school this year and getting a flat, if she was still doing that, which she isn't, I'd get whatever job I could and see if she'd let me move in with her and help with the bills and shit. But she isn't until next year at least which is wonderful. Not. I refuse to wait a year for this.
Mum just had a go at me for sleeping in the same bed as my girlfriend last week. I'm 18 for God's sake. She...

LlamaLlamaDuck

Llama Lover/Skittle Minion

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La De Da

Posted March 1st 2011 at 11:05 PM by LlamaLlamaDuck

I got thinking today. Realised that as of June this year, it'll be 4 years since things really started. Funny to think that it's been 4 years since I had lunch at school/college on a regular basis. Now it's just once every few weeks if I feel like it. Haven't had breakfast for longer than a few days in a row since I was 10. The friends who knew about it kept trying to make me eat. They'd get food and sit staring at me, refusing to let either of us move until I'd eaten. One of them called me "borderline...

LlamaLlamaDuck

Llama Lover/Skittle Minion

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Last Night

Posted February 28th 2011 at 05:59 PM by LlamaLlamaDuck

I guess seeing the doctor on a "good" day wasn't necessarily the best idea. Then again, I can't really tell in advance which days will be good and which won't. Suppose it's safe to say that no, I don't feel safe at home on my own. I don't feel safe on my own at all. I just want to hurt and hide and break down completely. Except that I'm never in a position where I feel safe enough to do that.
I'll have 3 full days and a couple of hours on Friday home alone. The possibilities of...

LlamaLlamaDuck

Llama Lover/Skittle Minion

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I have no idea

Posted February 23rd 2011 at 12:30 PM by LlamaLlamaDuck

Saw my doctor again yesterday. She eventually printed off a prescription for some fluoxythingy I can't even pronounce. At the time, I told her I didn't mind if she put me on meds. But now I don't know.
At night, all I can think is fat, ugly, disgusting, pathetic. Can't do anything right. Failure. So stupid you're failing a course you shouldn't even be doing because it's academically below you.
I keep asking myself why I'm still alive. I really don't know.
Was half dreaming,...

LlamaLlamaDuck

Llama Lover/Skittle Minion

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4 months later

Posted February 16th 2011 at 09:33 PM by LlamaLlamaDuck

Was talking about weddings last night. Realised that if I were to ever get married, one person I'd want there, one person I know wouldn't judge me if I married a girl, is the one person who can't be there.
People always say that time heals all wounds. But how much time does it take? It's been nearly four months and I still can't look at photos or think about it without crying. What will it take to stop it?
Knocking back the vodka until I'm dizzy and giggly is all I can do. It doesn't...

LlamaLlamaDuck

Llama Lover/Skittle Minion

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This is awesome. xD

Posted February 10th 2011 at 04:16 PM by LlamaLlamaDuck

RAVENCLAWWWWWW.

LlamaLlamaDuck

Llama Lover/Skittle Minion

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I'm an idiot...

Posted February 10th 2011 at 12:48 PM by LlamaLlamaDuck

Sat up until 3am. Was closer to half past by the time I fell asleep.
Felt so self destructive. Finished what was left of the Kalms in the kitchen. Added ibuprofen. Mixed some alcohol together to take them with. Was less than ten minutes after I finished the alcohol when I fell asleep. Probably a good thing. Decided to watch Alice in Wonderland and stumbled across the room to get it. So dizzy. Found myself lying on my back on my bed with no idea how I got there.
At least it made me...

LlamaLlamaDuck

Llama Lover/Skittle Minion

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College. Placement. Sociology. Great.

Posted February 7th 2011 at 05:46 PM by LlamaLlamaDuck

Went into college today. Actually went on time but sat in the library instead of going to class. Linda wasn't in so I winded up with my course tutor Shona and Linda's boss, Ann.
They sat me down in this room and went over what my email had said about not coping with college and not being able to handle dealing with people.
Shona started asking if I had any physical coping mechanisms I could use to feel better in the morning so I'm more motivated to come in. I wanted to tell her that

...

LlamaLlamaDuck

Llama Lover/Skittle Minion

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