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Hot mess.

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Posted August 28th 2009 at 02:38 AM by omg.megan
Updated August 28th 2009 at 03:28 AM by omg.megan (Please do not post weight figures anywhere on TeenHelp. Doing so violates the Terms of Service.)

I'm feeling better today. Been running everywhere trying to get things done but in all, I'm good.
I've been thinking about my blog lately, wondering if someone actually reads it and I came to a conclusion : I don't really care if someone does or doesn't. Honestly, although the purpose of this blog is for people to relate to what I'm living, I think it's not that easy. Especially since I don't tell you guys exactly whats been going on. I'm not the kind of person that opens up really easily so I guess that I hold back and therefore, you only get to see small aspects of my life.
But yeah...I think nobody can truly deeply get what I'm going through and partially do the whole blog thing just to get some things off my mind. It's sort of like a personally online diary. Although it isn't really personal 'cause everyone can read it but...ugh, not the point I'm trying to make !
I feel terrible.
For people who have ever been on drugs, life without them is a constant challenge. I can't stop thinking about it. If I could just pop a few uppers to keep me going...but I can't, I promise I wouldn't and I won't. I refuse to have come so far and then fall back down, I've been that girl too many time before and I won't anymore. I've become some other girl, the one who controls her life with ease...or so I like to say. I control certain aspects of my life per say, food for example.
Did you guys ever realise that food is the only thing we can truly control in our life ? Hunger is just a state that can be shushed if the need is there. [Edited by Jessie] I do it all the time. And let me tell you something ; don't listen to people who tell you that obsessing over food is bad 'cause it isn't. These people don't know what its like, they're not you, they're not me. God, how I wish some of these people would just stop nagging.

Enough with my rambling.

Much love,
- Megan
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