A razor down my wrist
As I give night one sweat last kiss
My room is dark, my music blasts
No one hears my sobs
I get lightheaded and feel my body hit the floor
My bones break...
I'm now so fragile, so small
I realize the blood now...
I'm in a puddle of it
For a moment I am terrified
But then I realize this is what I want...
To free everyone from me
To get away from this horrible place
My life is gone... I am free of...

I'm sorry if this gets long...I just feel awful. I'm not really sure where this is coming from. I just feel a little down right now. I've been feeling like this off and on for some time, and it usually goes away after a few days, but then a week or two later my sadness will come back. I can't shake my insecurities. I've tried so hard, I really have. But it's so hard.

I had it literally beaten into me for years by everyone around me that I was just this hideous monster that nobody...

I wish they knew how much I cared, how I would do anything to be with them right now and hugging them.
I wish I wasn't such an idiot and that my family would listen when i try to ask for advice rather than judging me and tell me i'm being a drama queen.

I wish I could do something about me about everything but i'm too scared, worthless, don't want to waste peoples time I guess.

Always seem to have stomach ache atm...
Pain is good...
Walking when feeling paralysed...
I think there is something wrong with me...

So I just read through all my past blog entries (which are just over two years old) and in them I was obsessed with Laura. What a joke. We broke up (for good) in November 2010, our last contact was at the Disputes Tribunal in April 2011, and we've had no contact since. I've also remained single since then. Which is a good thing.

(Was somewhat interrupted to attend to the matter of dinner. Has now been dealt with.)

Uh . . . I'm not entirely sure what I was going to make...

Well done Charli you fucking idiot. The one good thing that kept you going that gave you hope and you've ruined it.
Theres no point, just go through with your plans, it's not like anyone cares.....

pills...

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There are three scheduled discussions on the topic of social anxiety in the Chat Room for users to seek advice and share thoughts and ideas! The first discussion will be held at 8pm UK time (BST), the second will be held at 8pm Eastern US time (EDT), and the third will be held at 8pm Pacific US time (PDT). All you...

It's constantly a struggle to avoid doing anything to harm myself. I have to stop whatever I am doing and tell myself that I am better than this. I am loved and have people who care about me. At times it feels like its the only way. It's not. It NEVER will be. I need to be here years from now to tell my younger brother that he shouldn't date that girl. I need to be here years from now to tell my older sister how proud I am that she graduated from college. I need to be here years from now to tell...

Everything is just crashing down around me. I'm fed up of family and the arguments and no one caring. I don't see the point anymore, there is no point for me.

Yay, Easter! I'll have some fun drawing funny faces on all the Easter eggs, and I'll have more fun hiding the eggs from my little cousins in places so hard they'll go insane trying to find them.

Along with my aunt and uncle and cousins, Jon will be joining us for Easter. He'll be helping me watch and play with my little cousins. Poor guy will be dead by the end of the day. For Easter I got the kids bunny rabbit plushies, and mom got them chocolate. For Jon the big bear, I got a...