So, saw Nolan in Drama today.
We sat in the back seats of our auditorium (stage) place, by ourselves.
He said he knew about me not eating. So, I told him I ate today, but I also said I'd binge it.
He said he knew I wrote goodbye letters to everyone. So, I told him, I used to cut.
He started tearing up. Yepp, I'm positive tears came out of his eyes. It made me sick to my stomach. He hasn't cried since April, he isn't a very emotional man. He explained to me that everyone...

Let me start with: I do not believe in the bible or organised religion and I am not trying to offend anyone, it's just my opinion.
Anyway, a bible basher came to the door.
Apparently this person can tell you what happens when you die and how to be happy.
"God never causes what is wicked." So God created all humans. God therefore created Hitler. Hitler was obviously a good man, then.
It also says that "...this promised future includes perfect health...

Hello!

So today 11.10.11 is my first blog entry I did one before, but you guys can't see it
I'm going to blog about anything and everything in my life!

I'm also going to start writing my parodies and silly poetry again and put it here.

Some entrys will also just be collage things

Feel free to leave ideas please

Jem
xx

Need to cry
Need to cut
Need to die
Need to learn French
Can't learn French
Had days to do it but not had time
Test on wednesday, still know none...
What am I meant to do?
I have so much revision material and none of them work...
Music,
Re-reading,
Writing...
I just can't do it and I can't fail...
Crying...
Can't stop crying...
The stress..
The pain...
My life falling apart,
Never been so...

If I manage to get to school I'll have to spend the day pretending I'm fine. I can't let him know I'm still struggling, I have to be nice, I have to be considerate and I have to pretend things are getting better.

If I can make it till Tuesday then I can talk to Pete. Not that I'll know what to say.

I saw Nolan today.

I tried to commit suicide yesterday. My bestfriend Blake saved me.
So, today Blake demanded I got his house. My other friend Zach, had invited me to go to Generals (food place), and I refused, I told him, and Blake, that if I go there and see Nolan there, I will cry. I will break down.

Blake didn't listen.

I got to Blake's house, and we went Generals. I couldn't go any where else, and I love Blake, so I went.
I saw...

I just want it all to stop. I want to over dose. But I'm scared. Not of dying. But of dying slowly. And then there's part of me that just wants to get ill and injured. A cry for help. But in my head I don't want people to know it was on purpose. Fake an accident or something. Then I can get off school and not have to worry about anything. And if I die then it'll be fine.

I'm collecting painkillers again. I don't know whether I'll take them. I'm scared but I want this to be over. But...

The wedding was beautiful. The bride had the most perfect dress, my cousin looked amazing in his kilt. My aunt and uncle came up from England so it was amazing to see them again. And as we were leaving my uncle had hugged me and was holding my hands, looking straight at me, and just asked me to please look after myself. No better way to induce tears, I had to bite my lip so hard because he looked so worried and upset. It was so good to see them again, and my aunt was beautiful.
But cheesiness...

Good Things:

• Just done Great Eastern Run
• Have Club Championships in the bag
• Lost a bit of weight

Bad things:

• Have 6 pieces of homework
• Only understand 2 of them
• Have a French Speaking Assesment on Wednesday
• Have to learn it all and I don't know one word yet
• Have English exam on Wednesday
• Have to get an A or else
• All homework apart from them in for tomorrow
• Don't have anyone to help me, have no way of understanding
• Detention in all subjects...
• That means after school, that

...

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