On study leave Revsision 24/7 and exams though
Scared about tomorrow, have ethics exam...
The paper triggers me It's all about death, euthanasia and suicide...
My philosophy paper today went ok... I definately did enough to get a B and I wouldn't be surprised if I got an A. I know this is jinxing it but hey...
Never feel as if papers go well so I'm in an odd way...
Off to revise Chemistry now, staying away from ethics, I'm so on the edge right now...

It's time for me to get up. I can't even begin to express how much I don't want to. But thanks to my unconscious mind I'm now terrified to be home alone.
I had a dream last night that I was in my old house alone when I saw someone outside the window. They saw me looking at them and started looking for things to throw. Brick at the window. I ran upstairs and hid ouside my room, the only place in the house I thought was safe. Locked myself in the bathroom with my phone and tried to call the...

He is confuseing me.
He says he likes me sometimes. && then he yells at me, saying he needs to think.

He is supposed to ask me out tomorrow afterschool.

I want to say yes.

But everything is telling me to say no.
I'm going to get hurt.
I'm going to get hurt.
I'm going to get hurt.
I'm going to get hurt.
I am so terrfied, it can't even be expressed.
I just won't go to school.
But Shays counting...

The one person that always said he believed in me and that he loved me no matter what. But no, now he's saying he doesn't care about me, it's the hardest thing to hear from your grandad.
I can't handle the arguments or the pain. I'm worthless..

I want to write again.

I want my thoughts on paper.
I want to get upset when I mess up. When the ink gets smuged, and it gets my finger black. When I hear the crunch of crumbling the mistake and throwing it away, hearing it hit the bottom of the trash can.

I want to get it right.
I want to smile a small smile, barely at the coner of my lips. Why? Because I wrote something I was proud of.

I stopped writing, because my thoughts were depressing,...

Went to Birmingham today for football and shopping.
Met up with my uncle...
Found out I have a half brother called Ryan after Giggs.
He's 1, my father had him at 47
Don't know how I feel, envy that Ryan lives in luxery I suppose, but I would like to meet him when he's old enough.
My father knows about my footy love and the fact my uncle met up with me. That feels horrible that he knows things but still doesn't support me in any way.
You guys love me and mum...

I was talking to my friend Eskie...
We had asked what are biggest fears were.
I lied to him.
I said that heights, and the being in the dark alone were my biggest fears. No. Even though they are my fears..


My biggest fear is two kids can't be happy. My little half brother and sister. I am terrified for them. My mother has destroyed them. They don't even love me....
Know me....
I wish they could be happy..
I love you guys, when...

Sometimes a photo or drawing can make a subject more clear. I ran across this drawing on the Internet, and it very closely shows my situation at home. In fact, I was surprised at how close the figure in the drawing resembles my Mom. Anyway, parents use a variety of methods to discipline their kids. Spanking is used in my family when my Mom thinks that I have gone over the line. You may agree or disagree with her methods, but at least I hope to show visually what happens with me from time to time...

Source: Notice | Facilitated Chat Room Discussions.


There are three scheduled discussions on the topics of depression and suicide in the Chat Room for users to seek advice and share thoughts and ideas! The first discussion will be held at 8pm UK time (GMT/UTC), the second will be held at 8pm Eastern US time (EST), and the third will be held at 8pm Pacific US time (PST). All you have to...

About a week ago, as I was walking home from school, I was asked by two girls from my geometry class, who came up beside me, to help them with some of the math problems. I reluctantly agreed to stop off at one of the girl's homes and called my Mom from there. However, after we were done going over the problems, the girl sitting on my right on the couch reached over and began to rub my legs and then my crotch through my jeans. I could feel myself getting a hard-on. She unzipped my jeans and pulled...