I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! MY MUM HAS ME TOTALLY SUSSED! SHE KNOWS THEYRE SELF HARM AND SHE KNOWS I THEN MOVED TO MY STOMACH! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! I FEEL LIKE CRYING! IM SOOOOOOOOO SCARED SHE'S GOING TO CHECK AND I'VE STOPPED FOR AGEEEEEES! I DON'T OVERLY NEED TO NOW, I KNOW MORE THAN EVER THAT I CAN'T! BUT IM SO STRESSED AND ITS THIS TYPE OF THING THAT MAKES ME NEED 2! I HATE MYSELF FOR ALL THIS! I HATE HER FOR TALKING ABOUT IT! I JUST HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT! I CAN'T HELP BUT WANT TO END IT...

I swear everyone hates me! I have a total of 0 friends in most of my classes and I feel such a loser, it's so embarrasing to sit at the front, on a 4 people desk, all on your own! All I want to do is cut my arm - so badly! I fucking hate my mum and nan for noticing and saying something, why can't they fucking leave me alone, I swear it's her that made me like this, all over me... it drove me to SH! I'm not her perfect daughter like she thinks, I want alcohol, drugs, sex and just to rebel! I wish...

Today hasn't been too bad. I've cheered up a bit.
It feels like I'm on an up. Well, that's good. But I hope I don't crash until my exams have finished.
I'm getting a little addicted to the site babydow, but it doesn't take up too much time in the day, so that's good.
I'm gonna have a relaxing evening tonight. I'm so tired.

I need to finish that history question. I have fifteen minutes. I can't do it in form because I have assembly.

I feel ill. And tired. And I just want to sleep. But I can't. Because I have to keep going.

I always have to keep going and it's not fair.

I just want to scream. Really, really loudly.

I feel ill, I have a history practice question due in for tomorrow that I haven't done and my first exam is on Monday. I have to help make breakfast for the younger kids at church on Sunday.

I have a horrible urge to break a bone. Maybe my wrist. Or get run over. I could easily get run over on the way to school. No one would know it was on purpose.

I want to feel safe. I want to be somewhere where I don't...

I've not been forgotten. Pete came to find me today. I have an appointment on Tuesday. I was wondering if I should write something down before going in. J wants me to tell him about being violent.

I don't want to. I don't know him well enough. But I don't want to let J down, seeing as it was him who was getting hurt.

I don't know what to do.

...

I've been so fat today, tomorrow I can't eat! Not until tea! And that's a promise! I ate cereal, a flapjack, 2 packets of jelly tots, a milkybar, crisps and a bunch of choclate! I've still got tea to come!!!!!!!! I'll have eaten more than 1800 in food alone! I shouldn't be eating that much, I'm lazy, small and it's not healthy! I can't wait for uni, I'm just not going to have food around, eliminate temptation! I swear if I keep this up I'm going to be obese soon... take after my nan... I can't do...

My arm really aches. But every time I feel it aching it triggers me. I want to hit it against something, make it hurt more. Hell, I want to break it. Break it up into tiny little pieces. I want to hurt because I hurt other people.

J asked me to try not to hurt him again. But I need to hurt someone. I only hurt him because he stops me from hurting myself.

So I guess it's back to hurting myself.

I've started looking at pictures of thin people. Searching for diet tips. It's not good. I know it's wrong. I know I'm already at risk of an eating disorder. I've always had an unhealthy relationship with food, ever since I was little.

But there's part of me, well, most of me, that just thinks shush. Stop thinking of the bad things. If you get thin you'll be prettier. If you get thin you'll feel better. If you get thin you won't feel so bad.

It's so tempting.
...