I know I made a blog earlier but I need to tell somebody.

My dad just called me from jail. "Dre its your father...I'm getting out soon...I'm going to bail your brother out so we can be a family again...*laughs hysterically*" I'll never forget that. He fucking laughed. We were never a family, I've never had a family. I will kill myself before I'll ever live with them again. (He didn't get charged for my rape, there wasn't enough evidence)
I'm cutting more than ever....

So if you haven't guessed I'm grounded. I went to a party with some friends (I use the term friends loosely) and we ended up getting drunk and high:P And when I got home Bill and Debbie got all upset, So now I'm stuck in my room. I don't see why they got so upset, It's not like they didn't expect this from me. Ugh, I'm not used to getting grounded, it sucks.
Oh and on top of that Jamie's not allowed to talk to me while I'm grounded. Which sucks. But I'm still allowed to have my cat Which...

Argh, I can't do this anymore! I just cause arguments and things would just be easier without me >_<
Apparantly I don't help as a staffie, as i've been told many time,so obviously there is no point anymore, i may as well just give up.

You're pathetic Charli...

If I resigned now, no one would notice I had gone. I could resign and then just leave the account. No one would care.

I could do that to all of my online accounts. Just disappear from the internet.

I wish I could do that in real life.

I wish I could disappear.

Don't know how I feel.

Really tired.

Been trying to help out here, but I'm getting tired.

Realised I don't like voicing my opinion at all. Giving advice, that's fine. Giving it privately, even better. But giving ideas, no one seems to think like me. I go by my experiences. Am I that weird to think it nice to get at least one comment on a poem you post? Am I weird to rather get something than nothing? I don't know, perhaps I should just stick to greeting...

Source: Notice | Avatar Magazine.


After a long absence we are pleased to release a number of new issues of TeenHelp's magazine, Avatar, for your enjoyment! To read the new issues, check out the following thread, or to learn more about the magazine and how you can get involved, visit the Avatar page now!

Spent two hours today on the Wii Fit stretching and exercising and balancing and playing games. It was really good. Was all sweaty by the end of it so I had a really nice long shower and borrowed some of my mum's fantastic smelling shower gel. It's amazing how brilliant a little exercise and self pampering can make you feel.
I really enjoyed doing the stretches and stuff so I wrote them down and I think I might do some more tonight. Decided that I really need to get more fit so I'm going...

Supposed to be in school can't handle it right now. Just had a huge breakdown in the doctors. Felt so stupid. I don't cry I just don't. I don't know who I am anymore. Everyone says they're worried about me and I shouldn't be thinking like this. I don't want to be like this. I've pushed everyone away when I need people most and I can't stop there stupid images. I'm going to have to go fake a smile and go into school now. Pretend everythings ok.
Buying more pills tonight. Can't do this. ...

I am trying so damn hard. I can't take this. I'm supposed to be recovering?! If I could find my damn razor, I would cut myself. I have been cut free for how long now, and as soon as I want to do it, I can't. I am tired of hiding everything from everyone I know. Especially my wonderful, loving boyfriend. I HATE hiding things from him. We have been together for 2 years and 6 months, and yet I hide this from him.
Plus, he leaves in less than 2 months for Marines basic training and then...

Today was Jamie's birthday. I gave him the spiderman game I had gotten him. I think he played for like 6 hours:P We had a little birthday party for him, Just me, him, Debbie, and Bill. I think Bill's parents wanted to come but Bill said it would be better if they didn't, Because me and Jamie haven't met them yet. But they did send a card with money for Jamie Jamie was a little sad though, It is his first birthday without his parents. :\ But other than that it was fun.
I thought a little...