Sitting in the college library again. Hiding. Saw head of the dept. at reception this morning, she might have been asking them to call me to see if I was coming in.
The bus driver decided to drive past me this morning. I walked out of the bus shelter when he came up the hill and waited by the road for him to stop. He just stared at me and kept driving. Wow, thanks.
So I get to be late. I'm sat in the library because I'm nearly an hour late already and break is in 20 minutes. I'll go

...

Can't deal with this today. Please don't make me deal with this today.
But if I don't go in, I'll be kicked off the course. I feel so sick. Already cut. Want to more. Except these new blades. I like the pain. I love the blood. But I really hate the slicing feeling.
Need to get over it. Need more. I WANT TO BLEED UNTIL I CAN'T ANYMORE.
Leaving later. Will probably be late for college. Don't even know what room I'm supposed to be in. Fml.
I hate this. I can't deal with

...

Panicking about tomorrow. I have to go into college.
Shona told me last week that if I'm not in tomorrow for this assessment then I can't do the course.
I don't even know what this assessment is about. 500 words about what happened when I talked to Kerry about bringing the guides in to sing war songs to the residents? WTF? I didn't even USE 500 words when I explained it to her. It was a short conversation.
"Part of my placement is to organise an activity that's centred...

I've ran out of cardigans, and now I have to wear a T-shirt because I don't have any sleeves! Everything is covered in honey from where I'm trying to get rid of them and it's not even working!, I guess I'll just have to wear them though or I'll be busted to all It is nice to have my arm showing though, O well, back to life really, a day of stickyness...

I had an amazing day today. I didn't even feel a little depressed. I want this to last, but I know tomorrow I'm gonna crash so hard. Time to sleep the pain away. YAY!! =]

Source: Notice | Facilitated Chat Room Discussions.


There are three scheduled discussions on the topic of eating disorders in the Chat Room for users to seek advice and share thoughts and ideas! The first discussion will be held at 8pm UK time (GMT/UTC), the second will be held at 8pm Eastern US time (EDT), and the third will be held at 8pm Pacific US time (PDT). All you have to do to take part is log into the Chat Room at...

I sit and stare at the blank wall, wondering what has become of me. Wondering how things have changed so much. I know change is a part of life, but it just seems that mine has changed so drasticly. Maybe its because of all I went through with Ashley. I logged onto my myspace tonight for the first time in months and I realized that I was no longer anywhere near how I used to be.

The changes are as glaring as they are astonishing. In a way I wish things hadn't changed as much as they...

Have to leave in 15 minutes. Still in bed. Can't deal with placement. But I can't stay home again. Want to cut more. Got blood everywhere last night. Felt so good. More. Deeper.
Don't want to do this. Keep thinking about overdosing again. Just to get out of it.
Need to get over myself. Just do it, dammit. Get up and go. Stop thinking about it.
So pathetic.

So I could of swore that I put on here about my boyfriend breaking up with me, wanting to be friends, getting a girlfriend 5 days later, treating me like shit and now not talking to me, but I guess not. That kind of summed it up, but yeah he has been acting like a total ass to me. Almost 2 years of dating, and he does this. He gets a girl that lives in Texas. He told me he couldn't handle a long distance relationship. When I had a talk with him about how I wanted to marry him and have kids with...

Then she closed her eyes
found relief in a knife
the blood flows as she cries.

Got a craft knife yesterday. Looked sharp. Came with 6 replacement blades. But it doesn't work.
I sat in the shower. Running it repeatedly over the same spot. Digging deeper. And it didn't work.
WHY WON'T IT BLEED MORE.
Why can't I make it bleed more.
Guess I'll just have to keep trying.
Done with everything. Want to drink and overdose and cut.
I'm

...