Some of you guys might know that kind of a lot of stuff has happened this year with my family and my mum thought my idea of writing to my grandfather was a good one. Joy. So I spent today writing this. My parents don't like that I'm apologising because they don't think I did anything wrong, so some opinions one that would be good. Apologies for the length

*Note: Parts in italics and brackets will probably be removed*

Grandad,
I know that a lot...

Trash
thats me
dirty , unwanted piece of trash
thrown out for someone else to deal with
passed out thrown down like the dirty piece of shit i am.
no1 wants me, no1 cares
im dirty, used piece of junk and its time for me to b thrown away.

i did somethin bad yeah, i know i did
i didnt mean to tho, but no1 cares bout that.
she scared me i didnt see her. but that dont count.
they just want me gone and whatever i do they r still gunna send me away.
i didnt mean to cut her
she should have left me alone
she shouldnt have come up behind me.
they r trying to send me to a hospital kinda home i dont wanna go, but they dontn care.
i didnt mean it i didnt
i feel like not even the kids...

u finally done it...8 years later u broke me once and for all.

congradulations u win

I spent some time today sending an email to the TWLOHA team in Cocoa, Florida and decided afterwards to take a look at their website and see if anything new was happening, and I came across this blog by Jamie.

Quote:

i hope you know you're not the only one who feels the way you feel. You are not the only one who struggles. You are not the only one with questions. You are not crazy. You deserve to be heard, to be known. You deserve love.


You deserve love.

...

so it's been awhile since i have posted to here. but i am ALOT better than before. i haven't cried for about a month...well, i had a break down about a week or so ago, but that's the only time. my aunt's surgery went well & she is healing well too. my boyfriend & i are getting to see each other ALOT more than we expected. and my drivers ed. class is almost over, can't wait til i get my permit. haha, i want my license though. anyways, thanks to everyone that helped me through this, i really...

Fuck. I can't get him off my mind. I miss him so much. Why must my emotions not be as numb now that I've seen him? I wanted him to just hold me. I want him to kiss me and just be able to lay in his bed with him again. I miss it all. What the hell is my problem? I don't want him back, but I miss everything that I had with him. I want him to text me back, to start flirting with me again. Why can I not get over him now? I don't get it. I don't understand myself at the moment. Lexi and Brittany are...

I find \my head very confining. I never really think everything out until I am typing, ranting, or writing. It's terrible. I hate it. I don't know about anybody else out there, but it just sucks. I hate feeling numb. I hate that I feel ignored. I feel like I'm going to cry, but nothing seems to happen no matter what I feel like. What is so freakin wrong with me that I must sit here, at the library, typing on the computer to get my thoughts out? And the worst part is that I never know what I am going...

Well, my dad is back up to his old shit, and I'm pissed. Scared the fuck out of me and whatever. I don't know what to do. Why muct a father molest/rape their children? Who the hell knows. I thought for sure that he was completely done with that shit, but I was very very wrong. What am I supposed to do? I'm still trying to get over being raped by this guy that I knew for two years. He raped me for a year. I never told anybody how long. But once I told somebody, I other people found out. It's scary...

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