Havent been here in weeks. I guess today is the first time i stopped running around the place and actually sat down. So i kept myself super busy. Losing myself in everything else. Forcing myself to stop dwelling on how bad i was feeling. But now its time to stop running, energy buzz has finally worn off and im tired.

So god damn tired.

Just back from my therapist. I think thats what made me stop and sit down. According to her im running myself into the ground.
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I feel like writing. Have no idea what to write though. Things are flying through my head so fast i cant catch them and put them into words. Tired. Im so tired. Pups cant me up half the night, or maybe i kept them up? Maybe i just wanted company. I dont no. I dont no whats going on. Ive a headache. Maybe coz i cant really remember the last time i ate. I have therapy in like 2 hours. Cant go. I really cant. Im wired. Too much lucozade sport too little food. Too much crazy little things going on....

Darling,

I stayed up all night going through your stuff. I looked at our pics, some made me laugh, some made me cry. Mostly i cried. I cried for you, for us, for all the things we didnt have the time to do. But then i remmbered all the things we did do. And so many memeries came back pix, we had some crazy wonderful times. And i will treasure those times. I wont forget i promise you that. But its time i moved on dont you think? Its been 254 days...I cried for you every one of those...

So yesterday was my first day back as a mentor. I took a group of girls out for ice cream and then to the cinema. I gave out advice and hugs...i cheered people up...i sorted out arguements...i made them laugh...i handed out my number again. Straight back into the swing of things like i was never away. Life goes on.

I came home and crawled into bed and cried.

But i took the first step.

Maybe tomorrow i wont cry.

Today i will.

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Struggling to find a reason

Any reason

Even one reason

To hold on

Note to self: Its not worth it

Dear pix,

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