I NEED TO GO BACK. I'm slipping away again, faster now. I don't want to lose myself again. I don't want to lose everything i worked so hard to earn back. But i NEED help. I don't NEED medication. I NEED the truth not the anti-depressant coated fairy-tales.
I'M TIRED. I'm TIRED of being out of it. I'm TIRED of being angry at myself for things that aren't my fault. I'm TIRED of working my ass off. I'm TIRED of getting let down. I'm TIRED of being broken.
I'M PISSED. I'm PISSED at my mom....

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Apparently people take the time to read my blogs, which I think is kind of a waste of your time. I mean I started blogging basically for the intention of ranting to myself so I could post my thoughts without anyone having to read them. It gave me the ability to complain without actually complaining. But then I don't blog for a week and I have three people on my ass making me pinky promise to make a post. *Sigh* I love you guys

I don't really have a plan for this blog...no...

Not a good day for me, got into a fight with one of my best friend cause she thinks I'm lying to her again.
I got majorly pissed cause I am actually NOT lying this time, I don't get why she can't get pass that and just believe me for once ! Ugh.
It's been 28 days since I last took anything, which is kind of a biggie for me, so of this I am very proud. I'm clean, totally and utterly CLEAN !
The worse part is she's making me feel like a total scumbag for what I have made people...

I feel so depressed I am finding it hard to even fake happiness.

on tuesday I just randomly found myslef crying infront of my tutor ( joys she pretends she knows everything that is going on) Then I caouldn't concentrate in eny lessons and dragged myslef from room to room willing the day to end. I then ended up falling asleep most of the evening as I could not be bothered to do anything.
I managed not to SH though.

Today I haev felt much the same but just about stopped...

I don't need a strong man or a man that can fight my battles. I need a man that listens. A mand who can show emotion and have no shame in it. He just needs to be able to understand me. I need a man who a man who needs me. This man exists and he is 450 miles away from me. He listens to me and understands where I'm coming from. He shows his emotions and isn't ashamed. He doesn't fight my battles, rather he assists me. We have been promised to eachother and bound by fate.

He's standing in front of all the people as nervous as can be. The thoughts start entering his mind; will this marriage work? Will they truly love eachother unconditionally? Is this right? Then the music starts and the doors open. As she enters the room, looking beautiful in white, the thoughts leave his mind. Hes stunned by how beautiful she really is. The music is all he hears and she is all he sees as she makes her way to the front. They are joined together as one now and forever. They make their...