As described in my previous blog entry, I've made up my mind to tell my mom of the emotional pain I'm still going through. Well.... mom's coming home today. She's going to be home late, so the conversation will have to wait until tomorrow. I realize that I can't postpone it from one day to the next every day, but this time I'm doing it because my mom will be exhausted and won't be in any state to deal with what I've been waiting to tell her.... I'm also hoping she'd respond.... better if she's rested....

I want to go to heaven a place of harmony.

I am so fed up of living in this hell hole called life.
My head of year is going to have a meetin wiv my mum bout how i am falling behind in lessons and how im not doing work etc he is also going to tell mum bout my SHin and i can't bare to hang round to watch her cry.

My cousin is only nine and is goin to hav to see a theripist after beening bullied and havin some issues.

Everyone i know that has problems...

I'm a Jesus Freak. When i'm with God, i'm with God and it feels so perfect. When i fall...i fall however, and i fall hard. I like girls when me and God ain't in sync. And when I'm studying the bible and praying daily and denying myself, my urges to go be wit a girl go away. I jus wunna know, am i the only 1?

A lesson I have learnt in my short life so far-

Do not talk about shock sites/videos (such as goatse, 2 girls one cup, meatspin) in public places for there is a high chance somebody you work with will be there too xD

Why does the first blog entry have to be so unpleasant?

So here I am. A part of me excited. And a part of me mortified. Because in one week, my mom's coming back from her trip and I decided to tell her about a secret I've been hiding for years. The secret is that I've been having fears that hold me back from doing things I love, being with people that I enjoy, and following my dreams. Doesn't seem like a big deal? Yeah, I used to think so too. Until I discovered that it is. ...

so i'm at my mates house taking a break frm home for the night. cant be doing with putting on a brave face infront of mum!
gonna sleep well tonight because i wont have the memories from my room from something....
hate feeling like i do right now.
deppression can go die for all i care. ffs =[

On monday i have a meeting with the head of year bout my behavior in maths. JOYS OF LIFE.

I bet we will talk bout my home life and SH as well though and its annoying i want to be left alone to ruin my life i deserve to ive been a terribvle person all year and i don't see why people care so much when ive given them nothing but grieve.

I know ur all goin to say that its a good thing people care but i disagree especally as i only like talking to people on this website because...

I'm in a better mood than I have been other times. Thank you Jer and Sarah for cheering me up

Also, I think having money and not worrying about finances is helping. I'm getting cable! Now I can watch wrestling, woo woo.

Lastly, can I direct your attention to this thread?

http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/showthread.php?p=81994

great just what i needed. My parents noticed i haven't eaten since monday, they watched and made sure i ate a salad and half of a granola bar before they left for pool. I don't know what triggered it i was sitting in my window smoking a cigarette and listening to Between The Trees wishing my dad wasn't grounding me from church [fucked up i know right] and i felt like crap from eating and i just forced it all out. i felt really lightheaded from it and i just layed on my bathroom floor crying.i've...

Alright listen, I need you to focus
I need you to go dig deep in your mind, this is important
We are going to perform an experiment of a sort
I'm going to have to ask you to bare with me for a moment
Now I need you to open your mind, your eyes - close em'
You are now about to be placed under my hypnosis
For the next 4 and a half minutes
We are going to explore into your mind
To find out why you're so fuckin jealous
Now why do they make you who...