A lad I know killed himself last night, and while i haven't spoken to him in years i'm just sitting here crying.
It makes me think of everyone I miss and how much much I miss Peter and wish I had been there that night and done something and maybe it wouldn't have happened.

It makse me think about what if it was me, why can't it be me, would anyone actually care.

I'm so so sorry..

School today..get to be ignored all day..get to sit by myself because i'm scared of talking to people incase they get annoyed.
I really can't face they day, probably just end up sitting in the toilets cutting :/

Plus I have triple maths :/ Joyssss

Make it go away...
Please.. make the thoughts stop...it's scares me >_<

Can't do this..

Can't do this...can't fight it anymore..

Thanks for leaving the packet of razors in my room mom...it helps a lot...

I need people right now..I want someone to care, but i know they shouldn't, I know i'm worthless...

Had the best day ever yesterday at a Medical conference. I got to learn loads of clinical skills as well as them talking us through our personal statements and which medical school to choose.

I've decided that it is 100% what i want to do at uni, just need to get the grades and stuff now :/

I really don't want to school, I don't think i can face it, the whispering and pointing and giggling... I'd rather be at home and then i can cut myself open and make the pain go away.

I want them to go away, to leave me alone..

Just keep breathing, keep moving forward... it might get better....
Keep going...keep going... i'll probably never make out the other side though >_<

Crashing back down, everythings hurting again, I really need help right now :/

I'm sorry mom, I can't help it. I'm sorry i'm not as clever as you want me to be and i'm sorry that i'm letting you down.
You don't know how much i want to make you proud but you're never pleased with anything i do. He just gets in the way, he's ten and your amazing child, i'm sorry i'm not as amazing as him. I'm an idiot.

I'm never going to make you proud >_<

Had an interesting last few days, Friday lunch time, i walked out the shop to find a panicking woman and a convulsing baby, she then asks if i'm first aid trained, and when i said yes, handed me the baby and the phone with the ambulance on the end. So i had to deal with that while a lot of people stood around watching and panicking. And i never even got my food in the end -_- xD

Then today walking through town, a man collapses, falls over a small wall and starts fitting. Luckily i was...