Triggering (Suicide): if i died who would care

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]My life has been shit from day one, i've been from foster home to foster to foster home until i was eventually adopted along with my siblings. i thought that for once i would feel loved, and i did. But it didnt last long. My mom was reasonable at first but then started hitting me for every little wrong doing. she didnt allow me to go to parties or go places with friends. it was always about her. if i failed to remember something, i was stupid. if i messed up i was useless. if i didnt do a chore i was lazy. eventually it got to the point where i kept attempting suicide over and over and over but it didnt work. even then nobody saw how much i was suffering, it just lead to self harm and other mental health issues. at this point i am wondering whats the point of living. if youre just living for other people is that really living? i have never lived for myself, never had a good relationship and never had anyone say that they cared about me. really. and everyone says it will get better, but how do you know that? just because YOUR LIFE got better doesnt mean mine will. people are so stupid. living is stupid.[/size][/color][/font]

[Ennui.]

I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling so much.

Do you think you can report it if your mom is still hitting you and/or your siblings? I know that you don't want to go back into foster care, but it isn't right that your mom is laying her hands on you and it isn't something you deserve. And what about your siblings? You all have been through a lot together and I bet they would care if something happened to you. They would want to know that you are doing okay and trying your best to stay alive. I'm not saying to live for them, but remember that they would miss you if you were gone.

Maybe you can join clubs at school or in the community. This way you meet people who have common interests with you. That can be the start of a conversation and eventually you can build up a friendship with some people. Or, you can strike up a conversation with a classmate, maybe starting off about talking about the class with them and then building up to other topics. With these options, at least you will be meeting people who can eventually become close friends. You deserve that.

Do you think you can talk to a guidance counselor, teacher, or other adult about how you are feeling? They would have to report it, but maybe a conversation facilitated by a guidance counselor or school administrator can help them to understand more from a different perspective. I'd also try and get into therapy if you can.

Maybe you can find things to look forward to. It can even be something small, like looking forward to the leaves changing color in the autumn or going to your favorite place. Or it can be bigger things, like setting goals for the future. It helps me to have things that I am looking forward to.

Try and find ways to express what you are going through, such as writing, art, music, or something else. It doesn't have to be "good," and you don't have to show anyone else. It's just for you.

Find ways to take care of yourself as well. It's important to do the daily activities like brushing your teeth and showering, but it's also important to do nice things for yourself. Maybe use a nice smelling lotion and curl up in bed with your favorite book or movie. Get nice smelling candles. Rearrange your room so you have a new space and a fresh start.

I'm not going to sit here preaching about how it gets better, because I'm struggling too. But I will say that you make an impact in this world, and it would not be a better place with you gone.

Dez

[Astro04]

You know, I understand you.
Sometimes I feel the same, but at that point i think: "but if I don't care about that?"
Nobody and nothing will hurt me, because I don't care.
I'm here? Too bad for you then, but not for someone.
And if there's only one who cares about me (and there are! Don't think that nobody loves you), I will find it and live happier.

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

I'm sorry about all of this and I hope that you will be okay soon. You did a wonderful job coming onto Teenhelp and telling us about what you have been going through, if you ever wanted to join us you can and you can talk about this and anything else that you are going through.

It is not okay that your mother is hitting you, would you be able to try talking with someone about what has been going on at home? Maybe someone would be able to help you all out so that you are not getting hit all of the time. See if you are able to talk to the school counselor or a teacher at school that you like and see what they can do for you. Or see if you are able to talk to your friends parents about what has been going on or your neighbors. If you are not able to talk to them face to face then would you be able to try writing everything down on paper and giving it to them to help you. I hope that you will be okay soon and you will be able to get some help and start to feel better. I wish you the best with everything.

[WhisperingSilence]

I'm gonna tell you something, it does get better. Trust me on that one. I grew up in a home with my parents where there was alot of dysfunction, my dad was(and still is) an alcoholic, he was abusive on a daily basis towards me, if my mum tried to stand up for me - he would start on her. Like you if I did something wrong or didn't do a job or chore I was called lazy, stupid, idiot, I was sworn at, locked in rooms, had objects thrown at me etc, went on until I moved out and into supported living at the age of 27 and moving out was the best thing I ever did for myself. It took a long time to get into a supported living scheme, but when I did I was safe. There were staff there who actually really cared and not just because they were paid to care.. they actually cared.
What I am trying to say is that even though things are very crappy and shitty right now and its hard, but things can and do change and DO get better. I don't know how old you are, but if you are old enough to move out is that an option? If not could you talk to someone like a teacher or tutor at school? hold on in there because even though it doesn't seem like it , things do change and get better. There are people who really care and will want to help.