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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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jamminjelly Offline
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Question Parents and cutting - October 14th 2012, 09:03 PM

So recently my best friend tried to kill herself and she cuts so I thought i might be able to talk to my dad and his girlfriend about it but i guess i was wrong. As I explained the situation to them things went from bad to worse. They kept saying how my friend was selfish and shouldn't be doing those things, and proceed to say how she must be messed up in the head and looking for attention. I was dumb-struck to say the least. But i suppose the worst part about this is that I myself have been cutting for months and need help. I cut so much more than my friend and cover myself from head to toe in scratches. I feel abandon by my guardians and if I ever come forth and say anything about my own self harm that I will be ridiculed. I've thought about telling my other friend's mom, who seems to act like a mom more so than anyone else. I just don't know what to do/think/say. I'm so full of disappointment and disgust from my guardians /:

Last edited by Palmolive; October 15th 2012 at 08:56 PM. Reason: Removing prefix
   
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Re: Parents and cutting - October 14th 2012, 11:41 PM

Hi There,

It is really great you attempted to get support from your guardians about how to help your friend even when you struggle with the same issues. You are a very caring person and seem like a great friend.
It is unfortunate they were not of more support to you however, they may not understand these issues as well as you may think. A lot of people are uneducated, or do not understand things such as suicide and SH. SH is difficult to get over but I know you and your friend can do it.
Try finding another adult to talk to, such as this other mom you mentioned. If she seems more motherly and like she would be supportive, talking to her may help. Also, printing out information about SH and suicide might help her understand if she seems confused or starts to get upset. This will allow her to read what is true and might help her be able to help handle the situation better.
You can also try talking to someone at school such as a guidance counselor, nurse, psychologist or a teacher.
You and your friend do not have to go through stopping SH on your own.
Another thing that may help both of you are the alternatives. TeenHelp has a list of Alternatives to SH (that I linked above) that is a list of distractions you can use to take up time that you would SH-ing and make it either productive or fun until the urges pass. You can do any of the items mentioned on the list. Some may sound weird and like they will not help but try as many as possible out and see how they help, not all of them work for everyone so do not get discouraged at first if they are not helping as you would like. It takes time to find things to help quit or distract from SH.
If either of you need someone to talk to, you can call a hotline and a professional counselor will listen to you, confidentially and there is no fee. There are hotlines for different countries and many are 24/7.
Hopefully your friend and you are doing okay and that this reply is helpful to you.
We are all here if either of you need us.


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Re: Parents and cutting - October 15th 2012, 12:09 AM

Hey there,
I know how it feels, but the best thing to do would be to talk to someone you respect and get some help that way, whether it's a teacher, or a family friend, or even a therapist. But, it's important that you defend your friend and make her/him know that you're there for them so they would feel compelled to do it again feeling like nobody cares.

Jay.


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Re: Parents and cutting - October 15th 2012, 09:02 PM

Hi there.


Your dad and his girlfriend could definately have been a little more senstive but I can see their point in some aspects. Suicide, I think is a selfish act. I am not saying the intention is selfish - someone has to be hurting badly to even think of it but the act itself is. It leaves loved ones behind with so much hurt and so many questions. It's a hard thing for people to have to cope with. Some people will attempt suicide in order to cry for help which can seem attention seeking, but it isn't. And I can understand why you might be upset and annoyed with what was said.

However, you are YOU. Not your friend and that means that if you were to talk to your dad and his girlfriend, YOU would have the chance to explain how it is for you and to some what educate them on the subject. Not meaning you're going to sit and teach them about but if you let the in on their struggles, it a learning journey for them too. And maybe if they knew it was you, who they are obviously closer to that your friend, it might hit home and help them realise that you don't self harm for attention and so on. But if you were to tell them, you might well have to go into detail and explain so they can began to somewhat understand you.

However, if you don't feel able to talk to them, that's fine. Talk to another trusted adult because you don't have to be alone in this. People do care and there are people who will understand you, okay? You can do this and you're worth a lot so keep on fighting.

Jessie


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Re: Parents and cutting - October 16th 2012, 11:15 PM

Hello!
You know I'm sorry to say this but it's disgusting how your guardians think that because they don't know what she's going through so I think you should talk to a counsellor or tell your mom's friend. You need to stop..those scars will be there for the rest of your life
   
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