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Why Me? Here is a safe space to let it all out, where you can rant about all the bad things life throws your way. Sometimes it just helps to ask "why me?"
Worked 9-5:30 without a break, haven't eaten since yesterday because I didn't get a lunch, finally got out if work to buy a sandwich and my card isn't there. Fucking horrible day.
No sympathy. Instead, a lecture. And you wonder why I don't tell you how I feel. You are not at all helpful.
And neither are you. Apparently the lesson you think I should've learned from my suicide attempt was "Man up."
I hate being here. I HATE being here.
I haven't cut so far in 2017. I'm going to as soon as I possibly can. And I'm already planning how to end it if I return home to the news that I didn't get into college.
God my roommates are bitchy. I can't fucking win with these people.
The only time I ever had a roommate that didn't suck he walked in on me masturbating.
Sometimes working in retail is a fucking joke. Love having an angry man scream in my face because his glasses aren't in yet. Perhaps if you werent such an absolute prick I'd have been nicer to you in the end. Ask for me again specifically net week, go on. I won't be as polite as I was this time. Sick of this crap.
Getting you to be less of a bitch is entirely nonnegotiable apparently. Saying sorry is really so hard? You wouldn't even let me finish talking before you made an excuse about why you snapped and then said "okay I'm sorry" completely dishonestly. Really? It's really that hard to get you to stop talking to me so harshly?
I honestly think you need a psych eval. You are so wishy washy and temperemental and you seriously need help. You're mean and angry and can't see that.
Who was it that thought me to be so nice? It couldn't have been you.
No, actually you're right; I'm not okay. In fact, I don't think I've ever been further from okay than I am now. You say I'm lying to you, that I'm hiding this, but it's really just instinct to say "I'm fine" when I'm clearly not. I'm not trying to lie to you. I don't want to lie to you. You can always see the truth anyway. But I'm too fucked up to care. You say you want to get better for me and I've said the same to you, but maybe we're just saying what we're supposed to say, hoping that somehow it'll work out that way, but never believing it will. Because the truth is, I don't even want to try anymore. I've lost my mind. I do truly want to be there for you and I care about you so much, but how can I help you when I can't even help myself? How can I tell you to take it one day at a time when I can't take my own advice? Why is it we both ask each other to be safe then go do just the opposite? I'm trying to stay clean for you, and I know you want to get better for me, but that's exactly the problem. Neither of us is trying to do this for ourselves. And it kills me everytime you slip. It's killing me to know that you're just freely taking what I've been dying to take for the past year and a half. You have what I want but not what you want. You're taking what I want and seeing me when you've taken it. All I want is to ask you for some, but I know you're not giving up all you have. I know you don't want me to fuck up my life, but don't you see, I already have? I don't ask because I don't want to ruin what we have. So I suffer alone to try to silence the desperation that's about to push me over the edge. It won't take much. You know this. I know you see where I am. But you won't say anything, and neither will I. But I can't just sit back and watch you destroy your life. So I will try to help you anyway. I will try to save you. Even if I lose myself trying.
"Just open your eyes and see that life is beautiful..." ~Sixx:A.M.
It's your birthday today and all I could send you was a stupid text. Last year, I was excited on your birthday, making plans with you and the others. Today? Well, I think I am more hurt. Everything that happened between us is unexplained and you have shown no inclination to tell me as well. I don't want to be a presence in your life anymore. So in case you are wondering why I didn't send you a sassy birthday message like I always do, well, that is because I am finally quitting on our friendship. Took me long enough, didn't it?
I hate that we have to deal with all of this crap. We have to waste our time, money, and energy to correct a problem that you've caused for us. Shame on you.
"One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful." ~Sigmund Freud
So tired, I can't even function. Hate being sick with my parents away and in the middle of a storm. So sick of the cold weather and all the snow (although it did turn into rain) that's been happening.
I want to write a blog entry, but I worry my problems seem so insignificant compared to others on the site.
You're my friend and I was there for you so much, whenever you needed someone to talk to I was there. When you wanted to move out I decided to move with you, I thought you were my best friend.
And now that I need you suddenly want to 'stay out of it' and you don't even bother talking to me anymore, well fuck you then. If you pick sides to make life easier for you then I guess we aren't friends after all.
Dumb as shit man.
PM/VM Me if you need any sort of help, I welcome ANYONE who wants to talk.
My back is in agony. My hands and toes hurt where I'm so tired. I can barely get a sentence down in writing. I feel constantly on edge and anxious.
But yeah. Stay in educations kids.
I literally almost pissed myself during class today. I haven't had an actual emergency where I literally couldnt hold it since I was a child.
Maybe this should go under the happy thread for dodging a bullet.
I hate that you feel like it's appropriate to do this to someone. What's your problem. Do you think it's just funny to put people through this. You're a horrible person, and you will get what you deserve soon enough. I hope you have a good attorney.
"One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful." ~Sigmund Freud
I write you a letter that's two (extra large) pages long expressing my feelings. Half of it's reassurance and love. Most of the rest of it is apologizing. Literally one paragraph is criticizing anything about your behavior, after which I explained I haven't told you until now because every time you're confronted with anything you burst into tears. I thought a letter would be easier.
Yet today I find out you're mad because the "whole letter" was "criticizing you" and not appreciating what you do for me. What did you expect? That you're doing nothing wrong? That people don't get to set boundaries with you because you're depressed? Fuck that. I still get to set boundaries when you are hurting me, depression or no.
I'm a nuisance and a burden. All I do is cause people more problems and pain. Why should I stay alive if all I do is cause trouble? I dont deserve to be alive.
Maybe that wasn't the point?! Don't criticize people for what they're point isn't. What the fuck was that? Plus, how she manages in the "real world" isn't any of your business! When they publish mine, I'm not even going to look at the comments because its going to get bad, I can already see it coming. At least you have to actually look for them, so all I have to do is not look.
If you've been listening, you know why I probably won't end up doing it. I swear I've tried twice now, but if the main goal is to not harm myself or die, avoidance is the better choice. There's no point to doing anything anymore. I seriously fucking quit.
Because I'm the only one in the world who can't do it, is that why? Yeah, that's why.
This will work great as a hobby, but I need some income. If only there was a way to get paid for it or to turn it into something else.
Member Since: September 19, 2007
LHO: March 31, 2008- October 13, 2012
"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you." Jean Paul Sarte
Last edited by Kate*; March 18th 2017 at 09:52 PM.