Self Expression Poems, stories, artwork and similar creations are great ways to let out your thoughts or feelings. Please share your work with us here!
 |
|
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
Name: Trinity
Gender: Female
Location: Louisiana, state of crazy people
Posts: 13
Join Date: May 2nd 2016
|
A Love Poem -
May 11th 2016, 01:44 AM
I wrote this for the love of my life, Hailey. I think this may help me prove my love to her.
The girl with the pretty brown eyes,
She loves her some fries.
She has long brown hair.
I think I see her everywhere.
Even if people stare,
From here to there,
I'll follow you anywhere.
I love you.
So? Honest feedback!
Update: I changed the poem a bit!
The girl with the pretty brown eyes,
we'll still be talking when we die.
She has long brown hair,
I think I see her everywhere.
Even if people stare,
From here to there,
I'll follow you anywhere.
I love you.
Better?
Last edited by Agirlwithafeelingforgirls; May 12th 2016 at 05:36 AM.
|
|
|
|
|
Living the dream.
 TeenHelp Superstar
**************
Name: Dez
Age: 29
Gender: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Pronouns: They/Them
Location: Connecticut, USA
Posts: 20,614
Points: 189,316, Level: 62 |
Join Date: November 16th 2010
|
Re: A Love Poem -
May 11th 2016, 02:56 AM
I would kind of think of this in a more friendshippy way if I got this, especially if I didn't already know if you were LGBT+. It is a really cute poem, don't get me wrong, but the line "She loves her some fries" just makes it more seeming like a silly, friend type poem in a way.
Do you ever get a little bit tired of life
Like you're not really happy but you don't wanna die
Like you're hanging by a thread but you gotta survive
'Cause you gotta survive
|
|
|
|
|
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
Name: Trinity
Gender: Female
Location: Louisiana, state of crazy people
Posts: 13
Join Date: May 2nd 2016
|
Re: A Love Poem -
May 11th 2016, 09:26 PM
Yeah, it kinda does. I just couldn't think of anything lese that rhymes with fries. lol
|
|
|
|
|
Feline the love.
 TeenHelp Addict
************
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Pronouns: She/her
Location: salem
Posts: 9,093
Points: 122,124, Level: 49 |
Join Date: August 25th 2012
|
Re: A Love Poem -
May 11th 2016, 11:29 PM
I think this is really sweet.
If clarity's in death, then why won't this die?
Years of tearing down our banners, you and I
Living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts
Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first
The axe forgets, but the tree remembers
|
|
|
|
|
Guest
Edit avatar
|
Re: A Love Poem -
May 12th 2016, 03:01 AM
I did think this was really cute but I also agree with Dez. If people didn't know things about you they would be more likely to think that this was meant in a friendly way.
|
|
|
|
|
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
Name: Trinity
Gender: Female
Location: Louisiana, state of crazy people
Posts: 13
Join Date: May 2nd 2016
|
Re: A Love Poem -
May 12th 2016, 05:33 AM
Thanks guys!
|
|
|
|
|
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
Name: yen nhikorea
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Location: india
Posts: 2
Join Date: May 12th 2016
|
Re: A Love Poem -
May 12th 2016, 10:44 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Agirlwithafeelingforgirls
Yeah, it kinda does. I just couldn't think of anything lese that rhymes with fries. lol
|
Yes, I agree with you 
|
|
|
|
|
Please call that story back.
I've been here a while
********
Name: Violet
Gender: Other
Location: Koolibah tree
Posts: 1,426
Points: 31,737, Level: 25 |
Join Date: May 12th 2016
|
Re: A Love Poem -
May 12th 2016, 06:22 PM
What a sweet way to express your love for her.
|
|
|
|
|
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
Name: Trinity
Gender: Female
Location: Louisiana, state of crazy people
Posts: 13
Join Date: May 2nd 2016
|
Re: A Love Poem -
May 12th 2016, 06:34 PM
Thanks, Maizel.
|
|
|
|
|
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
Name: yen nhikorea
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Location: india
Posts: 2
Join Date: May 12th 2016
|
Re: A Love Poem -
May 14th 2016, 05:29 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Three_Blind_Mice
What a sweet way to express your love for her.
|
My guess is that she will feel happy
|
|
|
|
Posting Rules
|
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
|
|
|
Log in (
Safety Zone
Hotlines
Alternatives
Calendar
