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LGBTQ+, Sexuality and Gender Identity This forum is for you to explore your sexuality and identity, whatever that may be.

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Confused - May 5th 2021, 01:52 AM

So here is the thing my whole life Iíve been a girl obviously, but Iíve never been your typical girl. I was in gymnastic but was also a spring board diver. Loved getting dirty was a dare devil addreniline junkie, loved playing with the boys and tomboys. Hardly ever wear dresses. I used to love wearing two pieces when I was active in my ED. It now itís like I am just me. I have a binder and it feels amazing when I wear it problem is Iíve gained weight and itís probably too small. I have two dresses on the way one is more punk the other is girly, but the girly one will only be worn every so often. I love shiny things, hot pink, lime green and stuff.

Anyways I guess what I am getting at is I honestly donít know ďwhatĒ I am. I believe I am asexual because I get grossed out by sex and feel disgusting after I masturbate, but maybe demisexual. But I do know I am a lesbian.

Iím 29 shouldnít I know who and what I am? Idk Iím just so confused. Is it okay to just be you with out labels? I mean they/them feels right but idk.
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Re: Confused - May 5th 2021, 07:21 PM


I think it's completely fine to question everything at any age, and it's also completely fine to just be 'you' without the labels if that's more comfortable. The thing with labels is that they're always going to be somewhat restricted because people don't always fit categories. That's why with asexuality, I'm learning new words and labels every single day because there are so many slightly different meanings held by people who see themselves and their sexuality slightly differently to another person. All expressions and labels or non-labels are valid. The main thing is you're comfortable with yourself, no matter what words you decide feel right.

I think the same applies to your gender identity too. If they/them feels right, then they/them IS right. That may change one day, but right now, if that's what you feel encompasses who you are, then it's valid. Whether you like pink or blue, dresses or trousers, sports or glitter, doesn't mean you're one gender or another. People fall in all different places along and outside of the gender spectrum and that's all okay. At 29, you don't need to have it all figured out. You're allowed to identify, and then reconsider, experiment with something new, change your mind and even change it back again. There's no shame in that. Some people don't have the words to describe who they are until they're much older, but that doesn't make their journey any less important than someone who knows at the age of 16 who they are.

I hope this helps a little bit. If you ever want to talk, you're welcome to shoot me a message any time.

"Words, just sometimes, can set you free."
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Re: Confused - May 6th 2021, 09:10 PM

Hey Ariel. Thanks for reaching out.

To give you an example, I didn't realize I was not a cis female until I was 29. I started hormones at 30, and have now been on them for nine months. The changes I experience are exciting, and I feel more like "me" because of them. Gender exploration, for me, has been such an enlightening, open, and thrilling process. I fully support anyone questioning their gender, whether they're 7 or 70. It's a very personal journey and it's completely unique to you.

I do want to note that your choice in hobbies and dress don't necessarily mean you're not a girl. I don't mean that in a dismissive or invalidating way; it's just certain activities get labeled from a very young age as "masculine" or "feminine." It's hard to base gender on that alone. But in the end, you know you best. I know that's hard, when you're looking for answers, or to simplify things, but it's the truth. If you say they/them feels right and you're outside the binary then that is perfectly okay. It may change, too, and if and when it does that's okay, too. This is not a straightforward process, and it's okay to change and experiment.

I hope this helped. Feel free to PM me if you need anything.
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