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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
purpleyellow Offline
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Unhappy I'm a girl dating a girl and I need help - June 8th 2012, 02:24 AM

Hi.... Well I've never posted here before but I just really need help and I can't tell anyone. So I'm 17 and I'm a girl and I'm also dating a girl. She's a year older than me, and she is graduating and going to college this summer. We've been dating for about 5 months now, and are fairly serious. We are planning to try the long-distance relationship thing. However, it's gotten really really difficult not being able to tell anyone. She is very much not ready to come out, and is incredibly uncomfortable identifying as anything but straight. She says that when she actually thinks about us, she feels disgusted, but she loves me too much to change anything. I'm scared to come out, but I love her so much and hate keeping it secret so much that I would do it without a doubt. However, she has never liked a girl before me. She dated lots of guys, had sex a lot, and loved it. I feel incredibly insecure about this.. I've never really liked a guy, and I'm so scared that she will cheat on me or leave me for a guy. It would be so easy, especially when nobody knows. But whenever I talk about it, she says I'm being clingy and annoying, and of course she would never. I just can't stop worrying and I don't want to ruin our relationship! It is everything to me.
                   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I'm a girl dating a girl and I need help - June 8th 2012, 03:27 AM

I was going to say to spend a lot of time with her this summer, but then I realized she's going to college this summer. Okay I suck, almost impossible to give good advice since I've never dated before, but anyways...

I don't know go on a nice date this weekend (or whenever your not busy), and go to a restaurant or somewhere you shouldn't see anyone you know. I don't know, go shopping, then bring some of the bags of stuff into the restaurant so people think you're just friends who went shopping and are have a meal at a restaurant so they can feel fancy or whatever (it's sad going to a restaurant with my friends, they act like kids that have never eaten at a restaurant before). She won't have to worry about people thinking she's lesbian or something and it'll let you two go on a real date and bond, unless you've already gone a date then...

I'm useless. I know. I didn't help at all. Just help her accept your feelings for one another.
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Re: I'm a girl dating a girl and I need help - June 8th 2012, 03:34 AM

Thanks. That is good advice actually. I really want to go on a real date with her... It sucks because she just went to prom with a guy at our school, and I didn't go at all. And I was just really mad that we can never do anything like that together. And that some random other guy gets to ask my girlfriend and think she's his for the night... I think I wouldn't feel so worried about stuff if other people knew about us!!
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Re: I'm a girl dating a girl and I need help - June 8th 2012, 03:43 AM

Hmm. You could go to the movies and stuff... Yeah, I know I'm not really helping give helping you feel more confident about your relationship. Maybe I'll be inspired over night Better go to bed. I've gotten less than 8 hours of sleep each night for the past several months. Something bads probably going to happen if I don't improve my sleep schedule. Anyways, I'll check back in tomorrow. Have a good sleep and I hope things work out.
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I'm a girl dating a girl and I need help - June 8th 2012, 03:58 AM

I am so sorry dear. I will probably be of no real use here but ill give it a shot...
I am in a relationship with a girl who is 17 and I am turning 19 next month. She still goes to our high school but I am off to college in the fall. Her mother is against well "gay relationships" of any kind. My mother however is a Lesbian and completely open about it though her girlfriend is not. How do I get around this? My Mother knows about My relationship with my girlfriend and her mother of course does not. I have to pretend like we are just friends which is not as easy as it sounds considering that I had to stay with them a while when I was kicked out of my house. I am however back home now. off topic... anyhow, I am not sure about the whole her telling you that you are being clingy and that she would never do that. I think that you should sit her down for a serious conversation and let her know that this is something that has been weighing on your mind for quite some time. Tell her how much she means to you, and while you do not want her to think you are clingy or any of the things that she said you just would like her to know where you are standing right now in the relationship. A relationship is buil on trust and you have to be able to be open with the person. I also want to let you know that you don't have to rush to "come out" if you are not ready to do so. It is something that takes time and you will know when the time is right. I actually just came out to my friends and my mom about a month ago. I know that this was probably not very helpful to you dear but I am in sort of the same situation except that I am the one going off to college and my girlfriend is still in high school. At any rate I would like you to know that I am here for you to talk to or anything you may need. Feel free to pm me at any time. I will check and always respond. Hope I was of some bit of help to you. Good luck.
~Much love~
Shoshana
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Re: I'm a girl dating a girl and I need help - June 18th 2012, 06:34 AM

I need help to plz pm me
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Re: I'm a girl dating a girl and I need help - June 20th 2012, 11:54 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by purpleyellow View Post
Hi.... Well I've never posted here before but I just really need help and I can't tell anyone. So I'm 17 and I'm a girl and I'm also dating a girl. She's a year older than me, and she is graduating and going to college this summer. We've been dating for about 5 months now, and are fairly serious. We are planning to try the long-distance relationship thing. However, it's gotten really really difficult not being able to tell anyone. She is very much not ready to come out, and is incredibly uncomfortable identifying as anything but straight. She says that when she actually thinks about us, she feels disgusted, but she loves me too much to change anything. I'm scared to come out, but I love her so much and hate keeping it secret so much that I would do it without a doubt. However, she has never liked a girl before me. She dated lots of guys, had sex a lot, and loved it. I feel incredibly insecure about this.. I've never really liked a guy, and I'm so scared that she will cheat on me or leave me for a guy. It would be so easy, especially when nobody knows. But whenever I talk about it, she says I'm being clingy and annoying, and of course she would never. I just can't stop worrying and I don't want to ruin our relationship! It is everything to me.
This may not help, but if she truly cares, she'll never cheat...


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Re: I'm a girl dating a girl and I need help - June 21st 2012, 12:14 AM

Hey there,

I think everyone has moments of doubt in their relationships. I think your girlfriend sounds like she is still very unsure of her sexuality herself and probably still needs time to find herself in that respect. I can understand your need for being open with people about your relationship, but for someone who has only ever been with guys... she probably needs some time to come around to things.

I think you need to give her some time. I think trying the long distance thing is a good idea, if you don't the two of you may wonder how things would have ended up if you at least did not try.
I think for anyone to have a long-distance relationship there has to be trust no matter what. Infact every relationship needs trust! You have to trust your partner because anyone is capable of cheating in the right circumstances, there doesn't need to be distance for someone to cheat on their partner it could happen to anyone at any time.

Hope things work out,
Paige


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Last edited by xxpaigiexx; June 21st 2012 at 12:19 AM.
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Re: I'm a girl dating a girl and I need help - June 30th 2012, 06:06 PM

Hi there,
I completely agree with what paige said. It sounds to me like your girlfriend might need to figure out a little bit more about herself and her sexuality. I think you should let her go at her own pace and come out to people when she feels like she's ready too you might be ready a bit sooner then she is to come out to people but she might be having issues with it or still be very confused about how she really feels. I also agree with Paige's views on long distance relationships for it to work you have to trust her. I think theirs a very good chance that it will work but remember the key part to long distance relationships is trust. I hope this has helped you out a little bit always remember that were here for you any time you need us just send one of us a pm/vm or talk to us in chat. I hope you have an awesome day. Take care <3


I'll miss you grandma more then you'll ever know. I know your being taken good care of. I will never forget you.
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