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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Chris Offline
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Dating your best friend - November 14th 2014, 05:48 AM

Have you ever been in a situation in which you completely fell head over heels for your best friend? What did you do in that situation - hide the feelings and swallow the pain, confront the person and hope for the best?

For those of you who did confront your best friend, if they denied the idea, how did you go about handling the situation? Did you move on from them and cut ties, or did you struggle with the issue and/or still do? Based on your answer, when do you feel it is the right time to cut the ties?

And for those who had it work out - did it end up being true love or lust?


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Last edited by Chris; November 14th 2014 at 06:03 AM.
   
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Re: Dating your best friend - November 14th 2014, 05:53 AM

Have you ever been in a situation in which you completely fell head over heals for your best friend?
It appears that I've only ever fallen head overs heels for somebody who I'd consider a best friend. A level of intimacy is being able to confide in one another sharing secrets, which to me is appealing.


What did you do in that situation - hide the feelings and swallow the pain, confront the person and hope for the best?
Most of the times, neither one of us says anything. Things just kind of...unfolded.


For those of you who did confront your best friend, if they denied the idea, how did you go about handling the situation?
I was bummed because they chose my friend over me as a partner. I was hurt and both friendships ended.


Did you move on from them and cut ties, or did you struggle with the issue and/or still do? Based on your answer, when do you feel it is the right time to cut the ties?
I initially struggled to cut ties but realized that I am happy where I am now and who knows what would've happened otherwise.


And for those who had it work out - did it end up being true love or lust?
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Re: Dating your best friend - November 14th 2014, 06:02 AM

Hey Chris,
In answer to your questions, I did fall for my best friend of over 12 years. I thought of confronting him and telling him the truth, but he asked me out before I could. We dated for almost 2 years, but then it turned into a long distance relationship and I was going through troubles at home, so we mutually decided to end the relationship. Its been 2 years after our break up and we still our best friends. He is more close to me than he is to his current girlfriend and she has learnt to accept the fact that we both are inseparable.
I couldn't really answer all of your questions, because I haven't faced all of it. This is just my experience. I hope this helps.
All the best.


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Re: Dating your best friend - November 14th 2014, 05:11 PM

Hey there,

Dating your best friend can be a complicated situation to be in. First, both people have to be on the same page when it comes to how they feel for each other, and they also have to be willing to take a risk. Some people just don't want to take the risk in dating their best friend, having the relationship fail, and then ultimately lose someone who is so important to them.

I have been in a situation where I was very much head over heels for my best friend of many years. In this situation, I kept quiet about my feelings for years. There were a few times where I wanted to distance myself. At some point you either have to accept and come to terms with yourself that you will only just be friends with this person and you're okay with that, or you need to cut ties. I had a difficult time trying to cut ties with him because I knew it wasn't his fault that he didn't share the same feelings for me and I wasn't sure if it would be fair to just end my friendship with him because of that.

After years of a complicated situation, a lot of growing up, change, and a big leap of faith, we're now in a relationship. It wasn't easy transitioning from friends to something more, and there were a lot of mixed signals, fears, awkward moments, and being honest with each other, however we eventually figured it out and we were both at a place where we were ready to see where a relationship takes us. We're both glad we finally figured it all out.

I understand that this isn't always how it goes. And for a long time the feelings I had for him seemed unrequited. If things aren't going to work out, you have to find a way to move on from that, and I was able to put my feelings aside and just be his friend when he needed one. You deserve to be happy and if you're not someone who can put your feelings aside and the friendship is constantly making you miserable, that's when I think it's time to cut ties with someone.

Take care. :]


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Re: Dating your best friend - November 14th 2014, 05:50 PM

Hello there,
Dating your best friend can be complicated. It can completely change your relationship with your best friend because you are know in a actual relationship and not friends. I would prefer remaining best friends with them instead of making it awkward. If you really like them then proceed.
   
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Re: Dating your best friend - November 15th 2014, 12:27 AM

Have you ever been in a situation in which you completely fell head over heals for your best friend?
The only people I've ever dated were close friends of mine. My fiancé was a good friend before we even got together.


What did you do in that situation - hide the feelings and swallow the pain, confront the person and hope for the best?
I'm extremely shy and can't open up to a guy easily, I usually wait for him. But, in the situation I was in with my fiancé, I knew I had to tell him how I felt because if I didn't, there wouldn't be another chance. I wasn't about to let myself loose him forever.

For those of you who did confront your best friend, if they denied the idea, how did you go about handling the situation?
I confronted my friend who is now my fiancé. Safe to say he was quite happy with the idea of going out.


Did you move on from them and cut ties, or did you struggle with the issue and/or still do? Based on your answer, when do you feel it is the right time to cut the ties?
There were never any problems. Like I said before, even all my exes were good friends.

And for those who had it work out - did it end up being true love or lust?
We knew from the beginning it was something truly special. It's 100% true love. And yes, I do believe that I've found my soulmate.


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Re: Dating your best friend - November 15th 2014, 08:13 AM

I loved my best friend, we dated for 4 months, then had an awful breakup which totally ruined our friendship. I'd say I was truly in love, though I don't know about her.


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Re: Dating your best friend - November 16th 2014, 02:20 AM

In the course of my dating life I've had a couple of best friends I fell for. The first time I was fourteen and he reciprocated my feelings. I only felt brave enough to ask him to date me because I already knew he had feelings for me. We were very young and naive, and the relationship lasted the summer before I realized it wasn't the right relationship for me. The next few years had some ups and downs, but ten years later we are still very close friends.

The second time was more recently, when I was nineteen. He was my best friend and we fell for each other. Personally I don't believe in the idea of true love or soul mates or "The One" or any of that stuff, but this was the real thing. However, even the best relationships change, and sometimes people grow apart. We were together for four years until this summer, when we both realized there was nothing between us anymore. We are no longer friends anymore, save for on social media sites.

I regret neither of these relationships. It's an amazing thing to have a relationship with your best friend and I learned important lessons from both. Just because they ended doesn't mean they weren't worthwhile.


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Re: Dating your best friend - November 26th 2014, 11:27 AM

Young people don't really mean what they say. You think one thing now, believe it for a while, then something happens and before you become aware of it, you're doing just the opposite. Just like your friend. When he told you he doesn't want to date friends, he probably didn't at that time. But he found you, a friend whom he just happened to like more than a friend, and he's into something he didn't want before. There's always a first time for everything.
   
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Re: Dating your best friend - November 26th 2014, 09:06 PM

me and my gf were best friends at least 2 years before we started dating. that worked out for both of us . but yeah..that depends on how the other person feels about you.
   
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Re: Dating your best friend - November 29th 2014, 04:34 PM

I was in a relationship with a good friend of mine a couple of years ago. We didn't have a bad breakup or anything but just figured we were better off as friends. However, it took a really long time for me to feel comfortable being his friend again. I mean, it was awkward for me for a couple of years.


Another time I did fall completely head over heels for another friend. Those feelings I had for him stuck around on and off for years! I struggled so much with the feelings I had for him. I never actually told him how I felt. The feelings are still there, and from time to time I wish I could just tell him how I do feel. But now the feelings aren't as strong now. I just think he will be that one guy who will always be there, if that makes sense?
   
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Re: Dating your best friend - December 1st 2014, 01:28 AM

Ive had feelings for one of my guy best friends before and I did think at times that he had feelings for me too since he flirted with me a lot as well as asked me questions about my life in a curious/friendly way.

I've thought about admitting my feelings to him many times but sometimes its not a good idea to date guy friends because if the relationship doesn't work out, it can be hard to remain as friends.

I'm also currently dating one of my guy best friends. My boyfriend and I were best friends before we started dating and one night when we were talking on the phone and the next day we just texted each other admitting that we had feelings for one another.

But yeah, don't be scared to tell them that you have feelings. It can be scary at first but you never know what could be the outcome. Its better to take the risk and do it rather than ponder about what if's. Trust me, I've been there many times.

Hope this helps and good luck!


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