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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
xoyo Offline
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How do you get a girl to notice you - November 25th 2020, 01:19 AM


In order to give you the full context to this, the first few sentences or so will be explaining the circumstances:

I have a diagnosed case of Social anxiety disorder (and an E.D. but that Isn't relevant). As a male with Social Anxiety Disorder that is interested in females, the odds seem to be stacked against me (Males are expected to be the one to ask).

Okay, so. My question is of course "How do you get a girl to notice you". Looking it up never seems to work for me, because all the advice seems to be convoluted ways of saying 'be confident'. Also, I phrased the question in a way that makes it seem like she doesn't even know I exist, but that Isn't the case. We're in a high school together (private, with a small class that stays consistent throughout all the classes), and I don't really have any friends there. However, that girl is the one that I am closest to, and sometimes she does things that I can somewhat interpret as possible signs, but flirting is a foreign language to me so I can't at all be sure. Any advice you can give me is appreciated, but advice that involves something that will trigger my S.A.D. to a large degree is not something that I'll put into practice.

Sorry this was so long, but thanks for reading & have a nice day
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Mallika Offline
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Re: How do you get a girl to notice you - November 29th 2020, 01:41 PM


Thank you for reaching out! I think it's nice that you have a girl on your mind whom you've known for some time now.

Asking someone out is a nerve-racking process and everyone has a different way of going about it. And there's no one way to do it right; some prefer expressing their feelings in person, others like to do it virtually, etc. Importantly, it doesn't have to start with outright confession of emotions. Like you said, you can start out by getting her to notice you in subtle ways, and slowly build things up from there. That way, it will also be easier to manage the emotions around this. I think this is also called the "show-not-tell" principle, whereby your actions speak louder than words.

If you follow each other on social media, perhaps you could send her some funny memes or videos. Girls like it when guys can make them chuckle in this way, you're also attempting to build a casual conversation with her, which will put both of you at ease.

Another idea might be to think of some common interests you share with her. Are you both interested in something similar? Perhaps it's a hobby, or it could be something like pets/animals. For example, if you're both interested in dogs, you might want to share with her an interesting article/post on tips about caring for dogs. If you do these sort of little activities slowly, over time, she will begin to take notice.

Since you're in school, there might be some opportunities to get closer to her. It's good that you're in the same class (a small class that too, lucky you! ), so there might be some simple ways you could strike a conversation with her? My high school crush was really good at math, and I would occasionally ask him questions as a means of talking to him. Or I would deliberately go to his class under the pretext of meeting another friend, and on one such occasion, managed to have a decent conversation with my crush.

Another really cool method of this "show-not-tell" way of getting someone to notice you is to help them or show you care for them. These could be just some simple things, but the other person would appreciate you for helping them. From personal experience, I would really like it when a guy held a door open for me back in school, and if a guy did I quite a few times, I would take it as a sign that he likes me. That's something you could try. Or perhaps you could help her carry some books, or you can ask her if she'd like to have her water bottle filled while you fill up yours. These are subtle ways of showing someone you care about them, and a great way to get someone to notice that you have special feelings for them. These are just some examples; there are many ways you can exhibit little acts of care directed at her, and after repeated instances, she'll begin to notice.

Now, I completely understand that there can sometimes be some anxiety around doing these activities. I used to hesitate/pace around for days even for sending a "hi" to my crush (who was a good friend of mine) in the past, sometimes having to ask my sister to help me press the "send" button because I was too nervous to do it myself. But as I've learned from my experience, putting yourself out there, taking it one step at a time, really helps in fostering your ability to repeat such activities in the future with lesser anxiety. Though I'd hesitate so much, I would still go ahead with sending him the message. And despite all my anxiety, I can assure you that, looking back, I'm happy I did it. Thanks to all those experiences, I've become less anxious about talking to boys now, and in fact can quite comfortably do so.

[For the next bit, I want to emphasise that this is something you needn't worry about right now as it can be really nerve-racking, but I'm putting it in just in case you might need it for later.] Once you're at a stage whereby you feel more comfortable around her, you might want to think of expressing your feelings. For this stage, you might want to think of those scenarios that particularly drive your S.A.D. Are there specific contexts that stimulate your S.A.D. more so than others? Perhaps, for example, speaking to someone in person might be more triggering than another mode of communication. If you can think of those sorts of contexts that are more triggering than others, you might want to rule out those modes of expressing your feelings to her.

A lot of people find it easier to tell another person how they feel via a virtual platform or, as was traditionally done, through a letter. This way, you don't have to worry about the speaking unfolding in real life. It might be easier to put your thoughts down on paper (or on text) and send it to her. I've done this before, and I think it certainly lessened the blow of the outcome (in my case, was a rejection).

Speaking of outcomes, I find that going through all the possible outcomes of a situation before I undertake something big (like telling someone how I feel) helps alleviate my anxiety around waiting for that outcome to occur. For instance, I would go over the worst case scenarios in my head prior to initiating anything at all because it has helped me deal with the emotions of an incident more efficiently. Perhaps you might want to think through this too once you've come to this stage?

I think that deciding to convey your feelings for her, whether it's through big or small steps, is a great step forward in itself. There's no reason why anyone should be deprived of a dating/relationship experience, and you deserve to experience all the happiness and excitement that come with this process. I've attached here an article on asking someone out when one has S.A.D.: https://www.verywellmind.com/how-do-...a-date-3024386

Finally, remember that the journey towards getting someone to notice you and like you is memorable in itself. It can turn out in your favour (which is great!), or it might not (it's okay, life happens!), but either way, it is a nice experience that you will look back on fondly.

Hope this has been helpful. Feel free to DM me if you have any questions, and good luck! I'm rooting for you

~ Seize each day and live it like your last ~

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Pork Chops Offline
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Re: How do you get a girl to notice you - December 2nd 2020, 08:54 AM

Good morning @xoyo

Although I recognise as lesbian, I love seeing a guy dressed up looking 'smart-casual'.

This mean no facial stubble, who has clean hair, clean nails (and not bitten nails), and who smells real nice. A good looking guy will always hvae polished shoes, wear nice crisp ironed white shirt and who has a sharp looking jacket. If he has to wear jeans beneath said jacket, they must be clean and smart looking, too.

White socks with white trainers, black socks with black shoes and never, ever, the other way round.

That he walks tall - don't ever slouch, and don't keep hands stuffed in pocketsies. Mild cuss-words if you hvae to, but I'd rather not hear thems (even if Boris Johnson is a bit of a plonka).

So much of your body image reflects someone who at least can get out of bed and smarten themselves up would stand a chance to appeal to any lady who'd like to be accompanied.

Avoid cheesy chat-up lines. They put off others. Tawk about the news of the day - "Hey, isn't it terrific the UK finally a vaccine what's just been approved!" is a great convo starter. And if you're old enough to enjoy a drink down your local watering hole, the opportunity is there to ask her out for a drink.

And here's another tip assuming you get a date. When walking around town, the guy is always kerb-side with his lady in-between building and him. That speaks silently of being protective to your lady, and she ought to feel good you know your manners.

And if you hvae to cross the road, before stepping off the kerb, take her hand in your's as you walk across to the other side.

The idea is to keep holding her hand while you chat, and window-shop. Your lady is now captive - still holding your hand if she likes you.

It's a good ploy. It always works. I did that to the girl who is now my partner. I was cleanly turned out, looked smartly dresses, carried myself well and every time we tawked, I looked her in the eye.

She said she found me attractive because I looked smart.

Look smart - feel smart. Think smart.

Last edited by Pork Chops; December 2nd 2020 at 09:01 AM. Reason: Closing gaps between paragraphs
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Smile Re: How do you get a girl to notice you - December 28th 2020, 10:31 AM

Originally Posted by Pork Chops View Post
Good morning @xoyo

Mild cuss-words if you hvae to, but I'd rather not hear thems (even if Boris Johnson is a bit of a plonka).
Totally agree with this. There was one guy in my class that I might have had a bit of a crush on apart from the fact that he swore. A LOT. A foul mouth is one sure-fire way to put a girl off. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure that some girls won't mind, but in my and several of my friend's opinions, bad language is a no-go.

P.S. Just generally being a nice guy doesn't harm your chances either, and neither does a good sense of humour! [/size][/color][/font]
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