Online dating

[crimsontears]

I need help I've been online dating this guy for three years now, and i really love him, and im not just talking crushing or puppy love. And i was thinking on moving down there next year, the problem is my parents don't seem to supportive of it, and i dont know if they're misunderstanding how i feel for him or what, but they aren't support but my friends are. What should i do?

[Aletheia*]

Move down there. Of course, having your parents support is always a great thing, but you don't need it to move to live with your boyfriend/live near your boyfriend. You are 18 now, which makes you a legal adult. Try explaining to them in more detail what your boyfriend means to you. Of course, maybe him coming up to see you and meeting your parents might help put their minds at ease.

[QuantumModulus]

Have you met him in person yet?

[PSY]

I think your parents are less supportive because they're being more realistic about the situation. While it is possible to fall in love with someone in an online relationship, there's a difference between talking to someone through a computer and being around them 24/7. Your parents are probably worried that things won't work out, and in my opinion, it's not an unreasonable concern. That being said, if you want to move to where your boyfriend is and give things a shot, go for it! Be safe, stay in touch with people from "home" on a daily basis, and take things slowly. Hopefully things will work out as well in-person as they did online. =)

[crimsontears]

No i haven't met face to face but ive known him longer than three years, ive seen him on webcam ive met his mom, and everything else.

[eunoia]

I'd suggest going for an extended visit, or having him come for one, before making a permanent move. Talking to someone daily, even with the advantages of webcam, is very different than living with them.

You'll find that some things are harder to adjust to than others--sharing a bed, getting to go out, that's the fun part. But what of his "bad" habits? Maybe he doesn't put down the toilet seat or leaves dirty laundry all over. You might think "I love him, I'll get used to it"--but patience only goes so far when you are accustomed to living one way, he another, and you're trying to fuse those lifestyles into one. None of that is to say, of course, that you can't do it, but consider that small annoyances like that are just one part of it. What if you don't like the area? If you move without visiting prior, he will be the only person you know, leaving you dependent on him for entertainment and company until you meet new people. And try to remember that online you are each able to be and act precisely how you want the world to perceive you. In "real life" you lose that advantage and people can see you for who you truly are. That, of course, isn't a bad thing, but it could change things.

What do you plan to do when you move there? Find work? Attend school? Your family is going to remain incredibly nervous if you don't have a plan.

[PlayingPretend]

Originally Posted by Jessie

I'd suggest going for an extended visit, or having him come for one, before making a permanent move. Talking to someone daily, even with the advantages of webcam, is very different than living with them.

You'll find that some things are harder to adjust to than others--sharing a bed, getting to go out, that's the fun part. But what of his "bad" habits? Maybe he doesn't put down the toilet seat or leaves dirty laundry all over. You might think "I love him, I'll get used to it"--but patience only goes so far when you are accustomed to living one way, he another, and you're trying to fuse those lifestyles into one. None of that is to say, of course, that you can't do it, but consider that small annoyances like that are just one part of it. What if you don't like the area? If you move without visiting prior, he will be the only person you know, leaving you dependent on him for entertainment and company until you meet new people. And try to remember that online you are each able to be and act precisely how you want the world to perceive you. In "real life" you lose that advantage and people can see you for who you truly are. That, of course, isn't a bad thing, but it could change things.

What do you plan to do when you move there? Find work? Attend school? Your family is going to remain incredibly nervous if you don't have a plan.

I completely agree with this and couldn't have said it better.

[crimsontears]

I was planning on doing both getting a job and going to school my mom did it...and his aunt planned on letting me stay with them.

[Nicole!]

I agree, if this is something you want to do then I say go for it. If your parents see it works out (which it hopefully will) then I'm sure they will lend you their support.
I also agree that maybe you should go for an extended visit first to make sure things will work out before making a permanent move. Its a big step and its always best to be safe then sorry.

[QuantumModulus]

Originally Posted by crimsontears

No i haven't met face to face

This says everything. Knowing him and loving his personality is one thing, but living with him and sharing company every single day is something completely different. You don't know if you two are physically compatible. You don't know if there are lifestyle choices he makes that you disagree with, or are not accustomed to -- like Jessie said. You need to spend extended lengths of time together in person before making the incredibly hasty move of committing yourself to living near him.

Your parents are concerned for a good reason -- you're making a permanent decision to be with someone that you've never truly "met", and no matter how much you love him, it is not wise to rush into such a commitment so soon without seeing if you're ready for it in gradual increments.

[Troubled_Heart]

I agree with everything said, it would be best for you to meet him in person and get to know him well in person before moving.
Also, although you've seen him on cam, you've never actually met and there is a slight possibility he isn't all how you know him... you here of murder, fraud and all this other scary stuff...
You should give it a try though Hopefully everything will work out well and you can start a proper relationship Xxx

[Dream]

People can be very different online than in person even if you have spent a long time talking to them. I recommend you get to know them before making any further commitments.