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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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Would you ever put a girlfriend/boyfriend before family? - April 1st 2012, 04:53 PM

My brothers believing his girlfriend who he hardly knows over me, I can't lie and he knows that but he still believes her. We are in foster care because of our parents custody battle.

So my question. Would you ever put your girlfriend/boyfriend before your family? Would you believe them even if you had proof that they were lying?
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Re: Would you ever put a girlfriend/boyfriend before family? - April 1st 2012, 04:57 PM

I personally would trust the person who has proof that they're not lying. I'm a huge family girl and I honestly always think that family comes first. However, if they're in the wrong, I'm not going to pretend like they're right for their benefit. Everyone has to learn their lessons at one point or another.
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Re: Would you ever put a girlfriend/boyfriend before family? - April 1st 2012, 05:03 PM

I have the proof, but he still doesn't believe me. The lies she's making up about me, I have the proof of me being at a meeting with a social worker or out with my friends.
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Re: Would you ever put a girlfriend/boyfriend before family? - April 1st 2012, 06:09 PM

Becky, more detail about the incident would be helpful.

Typically, blood is thicker than water.... unless the water is rushing by pretty rapidly. Which typically happens to teenage guys when they have a girl friend.

Don't take it personally, she offers something new and exciting, so it might affect his judgment. You might want to talk not much about this particular incident, but perhaps more to the point, the importance you place on his relationship with you, which must be particularly important if you're both in foster care and more dependent on each other.


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Re: Would you ever put a girlfriend/boyfriend before family? - April 1st 2012, 06:18 PM

A little more information on the incident would be helpful to us, so we could give you better advice for what's going on.

As for your question, would I ever put my boyfriend before my family. Honestly, yes, depending on the situation. For example, a few months ago my mom had to make a visit to our family doctor, and wanted me to go with her. It was nothing big, just a check-up. I would've just been sitting in the waiting room doing nothing. However, at that time my boyfriend was in the hospital in very bad condition in the intensive care unit. I stayed with him instead of accompanying my mother, not because I care about him more than my mother, but because he needed me a lot more than my mother did.

So really, it depends on the situation at hand. In some cases I may put my boyfriend first, in others my family. It's not really a yes or no question. There are too many different circumstances to answer with a solid yes or no.


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Re: Would you ever put a girlfriend/boyfriend before family? - April 1st 2012, 06:41 PM

Well, I would think that family knows you best, but sometimes it really isn't. I agree that everything depends. We usually look at family as those to attack us, but really they are ones to protect us and they don't want to see us get hurt. For example, I put my ex boyfriend in front of EVERYONE including family when we were together. I felt as if I was struck with cupid with him. Nothing else mattered. I was wrong. I wasn't the same person. I lost touch with family and assumed my family was against me. The weight of the situation really exploits the real answer here, in my opinion. This is really an issue on who your partner is really like as a person and towards the family and you.




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Re: Would you ever put a girlfriend/boyfriend before family? - April 1st 2012, 07:54 PM

I think it really depends. Personally, I would probably trust my family over a boyfriend. They don't get involved in my relationship business, even when my last relationship went haywire. So if they're interfering, obviously something is up.

In your situation where you actually have proof, I don't think that's right of him to trust his girlfriend over you. How old is he?
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Re: Would you ever put a girlfriend/boyfriend before family? - April 1st 2012, 08:17 PM

Yes. I put bf/gf before family all the time even if its just a 2 day relationship.
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Re: Would you ever put a girlfriend/boyfriend before family? - April 2nd 2012, 01:30 AM

Family comes first, no matter what, unless they are doing something morally wrong, of course. Your family is your family no matter what. A boyfriend or girlfriend might only be there for a short time.
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Re: Would you ever put a girlfriend/boyfriend before family? - April 2nd 2012, 10:17 AM

Basically his girlfriend has said to him that she saw me in the park with people who are dangerous in a sense, like they drink and do drugs and stuff and are like a gang, but at the time she's saying I was there, I had a meeting with my social worker and after that I went to my friends house and his parents were there so they have confirmed I was there and even my social worker can as he dropped me off there. Yet Colton still believes her, she's saying I'm currently hooking up with a 21 year old, I'm doing drugs and I'm drinking and smoking, she's saying I'm shoplifting with this gang but I haven't ever come in contact with these people except for in school. She's tearing our relationship apart, he's known me for 13 nearly 14 years and known this girl for a few months at the most.
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Re: Would you ever put a girlfriend/boyfriend before family? - April 2nd 2012, 10:52 AM

Family first


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Re: Would you ever put a girlfriend/boyfriend before family? - April 2nd 2012, 11:04 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by littlejoker View Post
Basically his girlfriend has said to him that she saw me in the park with people who are dangerous in a sense, like they drink and do drugs and stuff and are like a gang, but at the time she's saying I was there, I had a meeting with my social worker and after that I went to my friends house and his parents were there so they have confirmed I was there and even my social worker can as he dropped me off there. Yet Colton still believes her, she's saying I'm currently hooking up with a 21 year old, I'm doing drugs and I'm drinking and smoking, she's saying I'm shoplifting with this gang but I haven't ever come in contact with these people except for in school. She's tearing our relationship apart, he's known me for 13 nearly 14 years and known this girl for a few months at the most.
I'm sorry to hear this Becky,
I have to agree with one of the other members that boys/men tend to want to believe their girlfriends, (espicially if they're hot).
Unfortunately yourbrother has been believing her over you which is a little dumb in my perspective because you have the proof to back it up, but right now he's most likely stuck in the 'gaga' phase of the relationship and is 'under her spell'. I hope your brother smartens up and looks at the facts!

Best,
Haleigh


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Re: Would you ever put a girlfriend/boyfriend before family? - April 2nd 2012, 12:36 PM

You know, sometimes when somebody is so much in love with someone, they won't think logically and even refuse to think logically. He would rather believe the lies than loosing her for now because she has something that he wants right now -- love. He's just being stupid by not seeing the fact and just believe her blindly. Cheers up Becky, once he realizes that everything he wants to believe is wrong, he'll see things differently.

Answering your questions, when I was with my ex boyfriends, I never put them before my family because back then I always thought that they might not be the one for me and why should I sacrificed my family for relationships that I wasn't even sure will last to marriage. And yes, I've been cheated on and I broke up with them.

But things were different when I met my fiance. I knew that our relationship will last and he's a great guy and I know that there are things that are worth doing for him. And in difficult situations, somehow rather than sacrificing either my family or him, I always try to find solutions that will work best for both sides.
And even if one day I catch him lying to me or anything, I think I will investigate and find out what has happened until he needs to lie to me. People always have reasons why they lie, it's just whether it's for good cause or bad cause. Then from there I can see whether he's still trustworthy or not.


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Last edited by Flavalicious; April 2nd 2012 at 12:44 PM.
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Re: Would you ever put a girlfriend/boyfriend before family? - April 2nd 2012, 07:13 PM

In a life or death situation or anything along those lines, it would be family over everything and everyone. But if it's just a small situation, such as who is lying, I would chose whoever had the best evidence and whatnot.
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