Ever felt ignored? Like you're screaming at the top of your lungs yet still noone can hear you... Or they can and just choose to ignore you. That's How I am feeling right now. No matter if I am alone or with people I still feel so alone. I used to feel better been around people. Now I just feel worse. I feel like a fake. A stupid good for nothing useless fake. Pretending to be happy. Faking a smile. Pretending to be something I am not just to please them. I want to protect everyone from me. Everything...

I hate hurting like this, i hate being like this.... i hate the hospital trips, the lying to family and doctors....i hate myself for it all.

Cutting...ODing....suicide.... that is all the runs through my mind lately...when i can do it....how much i'm hurting at the moment. My head is spinning with the horrible thoughts... last night failed.... but still i want to end it all.

But i'm scared of hurting people...