I have got to the point where i am so confused with my feelings i can't take it anymore. I don't know whether the holding on or the attempt to let go of people is hurting more... I don't want to hurt anyone.

I walked into my room this morning and looked at the vodka bottles and the knife on the floor and it hit me; what am i doing to myself, my holding on is making it worse, i need to do something about this...
Yet it is too hard, it seems like the easiest way out is to not be...

I feel useless. Empty again. I'm ready to go out, I look decent, now I'm just waiting.

I don't know what I'm going to say. But I'm scared that if I don't say much his family will think I'm rude. I just feel lost.

I think they're here.

Well, everyone's been happy this morning, which has helped cheer my mood up. And I have two easter eggs. I'm going out with my boyfriend and his family this morning, which I'm a little scared about. I mean, I've met them before, but I'm terrified I'm gonna mess up. This is the guy I want to spend my life with; I have to get on with his family. Then I'm gonna do some work and then go to the evening church service.

And then my mum will have gone away for a bit so I won't need to face...