Why do I feel like I can't face anything? I can't just do things because I have no motivation. Even the things I want to do. Because I don't really want to do anything. I just want to sleep. Sleep forever.

She's bang out of order, how dare she make me feel guilty to the point of crying that I don't want to be an optometrist. If I don't want to do it then I shouldn't be made to feel guilty!

Everyone changes their mind, I don't even need to have a job in mind at this age. Urg she's a fucking bitch! As if I'd let her work for me, I don't want to see her again and af if I care about getting a job?

I don't plan on living that long anyway! She hasn't a clue about me, sometimes...

I really want him to stop with this, stop with the paranoia and thinking i am going to cheat on him. I would never hurt him like that, i love him too much.
Can't he treat me with respect for once and not take everything out on me, I hate the bruises and the pain.
He asked me if i loved him and when i said yes said he didn't believe me; if i didn't love him would i put up with all of his crap and even though he has hurt me so much still be here if him no matter what!?
He...

I'm going to a summer camp thing for the weekend, Debbie wants me to be more social. It's called "Summer Sunshine Fun Camp" Jesus Christ, More like "Hell on Earth". I begged her not to make me go, But she said it would be good for me. So "I can make new friends". She's trying to kill me, I swear. Do they even let you smoke at summer camp ?
Oh and I was looking at the forums and She made a question about me:\ I wasn't sure wether I should say something or not....

I had to put a condom on a dildo in front of the whole class today.
After my day of drugs, alcohol and 2 sex ed classes, I've decided drugs/alcohol are not a bad thing but sex sucks and something I never want to do.
I'm over half way through my life and I never had sex so I don't see why I would want to change that!

Today was good and bad.
I went shopping with Blake and got Jamie a spiderman game for playstation2. (His birthday is in a couple days) I also applied at a couple places for a job. After we went shopping me and Blake took Jamie to the lake down the road. I brought my camera with me just to take pictures. I was hoping to post them. But I was standing on a rock trying to take a picture and clumsy ol' me slipped and fell in the water. Oh and I can't swim. There was a little old lady laughing...

I want to overdose. I feel so alone, what would it matter if I was gone? Things would improve around here. No one would care.

I haven't got the guts. Not while there's a chance my sisters could find my body.

So I guess I'm hanging on. Wondering why nobody can help me. I'm too nice. Too nice to cut when they've asked me not to. Too nice to take my life when it could hurt them. Too nice to break down and cry because they have it worse than me.

But I'm dying...

I need someone to talk to. Someone to confide in. Because there is no one I can talk to properly.

I want to cut. I don't know why. I've felt fine all day and now suddenly I want to cut.

And excercise. A lot.

But I can't do either.

I need to talk to someone about how I feel but I've got no one.

I wish I could get help.

I wish I could tell someone how I feel.

I wish the feelings would go away.

But then I wish I could destroy myself.

I can't get help until I get worse.

Is it worth living in this half life forever, or is it worth getting worse so someone can help me get better?