the taste of morning spreads across my tongue as i lift my heavy eyes and light floods my brain.
But it's not morning. It's 6:30pm and i have been asleep for what feels like a lifetime.
The memories of earlier in the day rush back to my still-foggy mind. I know that i need to get up, so i do.
"whats for dinner?" Dad's voice booms.
i groan and grunt, implying that i'd much rather have nothing than go out. But we're in New York, and having nothing isn't an option....

I'm quickly finding out that I do have triggers, mainly unavoidable ones, too. Like, people's usually offhand comments, someone telling me that there is something wrong with my appearance either something I'm personally not happy with or something I actually like, someone doubting me when I'm being true, my mother's nagging.

These are all ordinary things, nothing too bad, yet they send me reeling. They make me want to die. Sadly, I will almost never be able to avoid any of these....

I'm sorry things can't be different, I'm sorry I'm so useless, so stupid, for being me.

Pills and more pills and really, who's going to try and stop me.....

Source: Newsletter | Issue 28 | If you would like to receive the full quality HTML version via email please sign up.


TeenHelp Newsletter #28 - July 15th 2012 - http://www.teenhelp.org

Welcome to the TeenHelp Newsletter! Our Newsletter contains a lot of useful information about our current work, including updates to our site and services, work with our partners and affiliates, details of upcoming events, short...

It's been so long since I posted a blog, nearly a month. I am doing... Ok I think. I was on vacation for about 10 days, and in the middle of my vacation I got really depressed and suicidal. It hit all the sudden, and I didn't know how to handle it. But luckily one of my friends was amazing and supportive. I am so greatful I had someone to talk to. I am feeling so much better. I'm not suicidal anymore. I thought I was going relapse with cutting but I distracted myself. And I am now a bit past 2 months....

And so disorganised. It's so hard going from the structured environment of hospital back to home, where there's absolutely NO structure. I've been thinking I should have chosen to go into respite instead, but it's already been done now.

I can't impose my own structure in the environment because there's too many other people and life here is just so . . . messy. It's bad for me. It's bad because I find it really hard to sustain recovery/wellness when my life has no structure. So moving...