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This Is Just A Little Taste Of The Wacky, Weird And Crazy Thoughts That Make Their Way Through My Mind Everyday....
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Posted July 9th 2010 at 08:59 AM by Jannel

So i've realized that my birthday is like a month away and im sorta starting to freak out..

I'm going to be 16, i don't want to grow up. And i don't want my birthday to come at all.

I want to be a kid forever, everything so much more easy that way.

And i'm scared to grow up.
I'm scared that i'm going to grow up to be a total failure; i know i'm going to have to do something in life but i still dont know.. i may not ever know.
I know i'll just fail at anything and everything i do, so whats the point in even trying?

I'm scared of being all alone; my mom always used to tell me that as soon i was 18 that i was out of her house, and that scared the crap outta me because like
where would i go?, what would i do?, how would i live?.
Plus i'll always be partnerless. i've never had a partner..never will.

I did not plan on living this long.
without my mom here.. this is no living.
If it wasnt for my little brother and a few of my family members i'd already be gone.

I dont want to face another birthday without her there.. it hurts to much. :/
I feel like killing my self all over again.

And i swear to god if my dad shows up at my birthday i'll kill him.
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  1. Old Comment
    shaytaan's Avatar
    Stay strong jannel...
    The world can only have so many good people, It would be a tradgedy to lose one such as yourself before it was your time...

    Your mom seems to have dearly loved you, and she wouldn't want your life to end by your hand...

    Your mother seems to have wanted you and your family to be happy, even if she's gone...

    And you won't be a failure, Jannel. You are sweet, kind, and funny, and plenty of people and oppertunities will come up when the time comes...

    And by the time your eighteen, you'll grow as a person, even if you don't realize it, and you will find that maybe growing up wasn't as bad as you thought, that you can easily handle it.

    Ummmmm sorry if the advice was sorta... crappy? but I just care for you jannel, even if all we've had is one incredibly elongated conversation :P So yeah...

    Hugs
    -shaytaan
    permalink
    Posted July 23rd 2010 at 10:00 AM by shaytaan shaytaan is offline
 
 
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