I remembered something randomly at college today and it's been bothering me all day.
Before we started high school, my cousin told me I wasn't allowed to tell anyone at the new school we were cousins. When I asked her why she just shrugged and said "I don't want them to know I'm related to someone so weird."

I've never been good at talking to people or making the first move. 9 times out of 10 I make friends with the wrong people and end up getting myself hurt. At...

It's time for me to get up. I can't even begin to express how much I don't want to. But thanks to my unconscious mind I'm now terrified to be home alone.
I had a dream last night that I was in my old house alone when I saw someone outside the window. They saw me looking at them and started looking for things to throw. Brick at the window. I ran upstairs and hid ouside my room, the only place in the house I thought was safe. Locked myself in the bathroom with my phone and tried to call the...

I'm so tired. I woke up this morning and wanted to cry. Didn't make it into class. Checked this week's work and did in the silent study room off the 3rd floor library. Finished early and went home.
My brother's been off sick all week, I'm worried about him. He's been getting headaches for a while but Monday he said he had a bad headache, was dizzy, and felt sick. The doctor checked him over and couldn't find anything wrong, but he has some pills to take with paracetamol/ibuprofen every few...

Really don't know what I'm doing anymore. I worked so hard on my 8 page booklet for college and took it through for mum and dad to look at to see if they thought anything needed changed, mum just got mad at me asking why I'm trying so hard if I don't even want to be doing the course anyway. This morning she was texting me telling me she didn't want me falling behind.
I don't know what I want to do after this year. I don't know what I want to do for the rest of my life. I don't see anything...

Sat in the internet cafe in college. Debating whether or not to have a hot chocolate and something to eat to see if it wakes me up any. Emailed Frank to tell him I was in but just not in class and he came down to see me to make sure I was okay and not having any problems with people in the class or the work we're doing. It's really good how supportive my tutors are being over my lack of motivation to go into class. I'm meeting with support this afternoon so hopefully I can talk to them about it...

Needless to say it didn't work anyway. I'm sat back in my bed like the fatass I am despite having eaten far too much today. I think I've finally drilled it into my brain that I can't cut. But it seems that replacing those urges are now imulses to exercise and eat a ridiculous amount in order to "gain perfection"
I don't even know what that is yet. I keep noticing these imperfections in my reflection and it's really bothering me. My eyes are different sizes, my nostrils are huge,...

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Have my first driving lesson today. Panicking!

If you don't hear from me by tonight, assume I'm at the hospital.