TeenHelp - Entries for February 2011

Last Night

Posted February 28th 2011 at 05:59 PM by LlamaLlamaDuck

I guess seeing the doctor on a "good" day wasn't necessarily the best idea. Then again, I can't really tell in advance which days will be good and which won't. Suppose it's safe to say that no, I don't feel safe at home on my own. I don't feel safe on my own at all. I just want to hurt and hide and break down completely. Except that I'm never in a position where I feel safe enough to do that.
I'll have 3 full days and a couple of hours on Friday home alone. The possibilities of...

LlamaLlamaDuck

Llama Lover/Skittle Minion

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I have no idea

Posted February 23rd 2011 at 12:30 PM by LlamaLlamaDuck

Saw my doctor again yesterday. She eventually printed off a prescription for some fluoxythingy I can't even pronounce. At the time, I told her I didn't mind if she put me on meds. But now I don't know.
At night, all I can think is fat, ugly, disgusting, pathetic. Can't do anything right. Failure. So stupid you're failing a course you shouldn't even be doing because it's academically below you.
I keep asking myself why I'm still alive. I really don't know.
Was half dreaming,...

LlamaLlamaDuck

Llama Lover/Skittle Minion

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4 months later

Posted February 16th 2011 at 09:33 PM by LlamaLlamaDuck

Was talking about weddings last night. Realised that if I were to ever get married, one person I'd want there, one person I know wouldn't judge me if I married a girl, is the one person who can't be there.
People always say that time heals all wounds. But how much time does it take? It's been nearly four months and I still can't look at photos or think about it without crying. What will it take to stop it?
Knocking back the vodka until I'm dizzy and giggly is all I can do. It doesn't...

LlamaLlamaDuck

Llama Lover/Skittle Minion

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This is awesome. xD

Posted February 10th 2011 at 04:16 PM by LlamaLlamaDuck

RAVENCLAWWWWWW.

LlamaLlamaDuck

Llama Lover/Skittle Minion

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I'm an idiot...

Posted February 10th 2011 at 12:48 PM by LlamaLlamaDuck

Sat up until 3am. Was closer to half past by the time I fell asleep.
Felt so self destructive. Finished what was left of the Kalms in the kitchen. Added ibuprofen. Mixed some alcohol together to take them with. Was less than ten minutes after I finished the alcohol when I fell asleep. Probably a good thing. Decided to watch Alice in Wonderland and stumbled across the room to get it. So dizzy. Found myself lying on my back on my bed with no idea how I got there.
At least it made me...

LlamaLlamaDuck

Llama Lover/Skittle Minion

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College. Placement. Sociology. Great.

Posted February 7th 2011 at 05:46 PM by LlamaLlamaDuck

Went into college today. Actually went on time but sat in the library instead of going to class. Linda wasn't in so I winded up with my course tutor Shona and Linda's boss, Ann.
They sat me down in this room and went over what my email had said about not coping with college and not being able to handle dealing with people.
Shona started asking if I had any physical coping mechanisms I could use to feel better in the morning so I'm more motivated to come in. I wanted to tell her that

...

LlamaLlamaDuck

Llama Lover/Skittle Minion

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Questions

Posted February 5th 2011 at 09:14 PM by LlamaLlamaDuck

Saw my doctor. She kept asking things.

How have things been?
Ehh.. Alright, I guess. Bit hard. I can't stop thinking about blood. I want it all to stop. It's been so much harder than I'll ever let you or anyone else know.

Have you found yourself feeling a quite down a lot of the time?
Yeah. All I do is cry. I'm running out of reasons to smile.

What about sleeping, how's that been?
Difficult, I can't get to sleep at night and then...

LlamaLlamaDuck

Llama Lover/Skittle Minion

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