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Want to give up.
Posted January 10th 2011 at 07:41 AM by LlamaLlamaDuck
Woke up at eight this morning, you know, the time I usually leave for my bus. Alarm went off at seven and yet again, while still asleep, I managed to turn it off and sleep an extra hour. This can't go on.
I went back to my usual thing of changing "My Number" on my phone to one of my friends and sending myself a text saying I didnt have to be in till half ten.
This can't keep happening like this. I've missed so much because I wake up feeling so negative that I just don't think I can face the day. There have been days I've found ways to stay home purely because I don't trust myself not to do something stupid on the way to the bus.
So stupid and pathetic and worthless. No wonder I can't help anyone, I'm that useless myself.
I've pretty much decided not to reapply next year and get a job instead. Take a year off and re-evaluate what I really want to do because I'm miserable at college. It's not just the typical "I can't be bothered with this." I just can't handle it. I'm not enjoying it as much as I was and I really can't focus.
Thinking of speaking to Shona. Explain that I just can't seem to sleep at night so I'm missing my alarm and that college just isn't working right now. I do want to do it. It's just not the time, I guess. I just know my parents will think I wasted a year and be angry. But they can't force me to go. I can't even force me to go, what hope have they got?
I just want to stop feeling like this. Like there's no point in anything and I'll be stuck like this forever.
I already decided that I'm not going into therapy. I do kind of want to talk to my doctor though about getting to sleep at night. I was in bed before midnight last night and despite my best efforts, couldn't sleep till around two.
I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to feel like this. I want to be happy to get out of bed in the morning and be excited about college like I used to be. I want to feel like all of this is worth it and there'll be something at the end of it. Right now, I see nothing.
I went back to my usual thing of changing "My Number" on my phone to one of my friends and sending myself a text saying I didnt have to be in till half ten.
This can't keep happening like this. I've missed so much because I wake up feeling so negative that I just don't think I can face the day. There have been days I've found ways to stay home purely because I don't trust myself not to do something stupid on the way to the bus.
So stupid and pathetic and worthless. No wonder I can't help anyone, I'm that useless myself.
I've pretty much decided not to reapply next year and get a job instead. Take a year off and re-evaluate what I really want to do because I'm miserable at college. It's not just the typical "I can't be bothered with this." I just can't handle it. I'm not enjoying it as much as I was and I really can't focus.
Thinking of speaking to Shona. Explain that I just can't seem to sleep at night so I'm missing my alarm and that college just isn't working right now. I do want to do it. It's just not the time, I guess. I just know my parents will think I wasted a year and be angry. But they can't force me to go. I can't even force me to go, what hope have they got?
I just want to stop feeling like this. Like there's no point in anything and I'll be stuck like this forever.
I already decided that I'm not going into therapy. I do kind of want to talk to my doctor though about getting to sleep at night. I was in bed before midnight last night and despite my best efforts, couldn't sleep till around two.
I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to feel like this. I want to be happy to get out of bed in the morning and be excited about college like I used to be. I want to feel like all of this is worth it and there'll be something at the end of it. Right now, I see nothing.
Total Comments 4
Comments
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I love you <3
Keep going. I promise one day you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. May not be today or even this week. But it will come. You deserve every happiness in the world. Chin up love.
Talk to me ok?? We should get to know each other. I love you.
xxxxxxPosted January 10th 2011 at 09:31 AM by ~*Rach*~
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I'm sorry to hear you've been feeling like this, I really know what it's like to wake up and not want to have to get out of bed.
Perhaps leaving college and taking a year out would be the best option for you at the moment and if you've been considering doing this seriously and looked at all your options then maybe it's just something you have to do, y'know?
I hope things get better for you, stay strong <3Posted January 10th 2011 at 12:38 PM by Gingerbread Latte
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You're going to be okay. I promise. Everything is going to be okay.Posted January 10th 2011 at 05:27 PM by Palmolive
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Talk to me on msn okay? xxxPosted January 10th 2011 at 08:29 PM by Nomophobia
