TeenHelp - LlamaLlamaDuck

Shhh.

Posted March 15th 2011 at 11:34 PM by LlamaLlamaDuck

365 days and 19 hours ago I honestly thought I'd never wake up if I fell asleep.
I can't believe it was a year ago. It doesn't feel that long since I wanted to die. At the same time, feels like this has been going on forever.
If I had died, I wonder what would have happened.
If it had worked, I wonder who'd have noticed.

LlamaLlamaDuck

Llama Lover/Skittle Minion

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Gahhh!

Posted March 15th 2011 at 05:39 PM by LlamaLlamaDuck

For once I am actually kinda glad that I live in Scotland. At least I can UNDERSTAND our education system. I'm thinking of going to study Psychology at college in England because the course looks amazing and it covers bits about being psychic in the second year which fascinates me. But it's so bloody complicated! God.
I already emailed the college because their requirements only had GCSEs and I wanted to know if my Scottish grades would be okay since there was nothing about that. Point 1:...

LlamaLlamaDuck

Llama Lover/Skittle Minion

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Too much

Posted March 14th 2011 at 10:07 AM by LlamaLlamaDuck

I feel so stupid. Sitting in the college library, I don't want to be here. At all. Only way I could handle staying is with a sharp object. A very sharp object. But I didn't bring anything with me. I'm trying to get by the ~~want~~ need to always have something sharp with me.
This is so ridiculous. I'm only at college ONE day per week and I can't even handle that. I keep thinkIng about walking out. Goig into Hamilton. Maybe to the cinema. Anything to keep me busy and distracted. Holding off until...

LlamaLlamaDuck

Llama Lover/Skittle Minion

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Nightmares (trig: abuse)

Posted March 13th 2011 at 09:02 PM by LlamaLlamaDuck

I'm such a wreck today. I was working from just after 7 last night until around midnight/1am at the bar. It was a charity function and it was really busy so I was exhausted. Didn't sleep till around 3am and my parents dragged me up to go to church this morning (Cause you know, I'm so religious and everything.

)
Had a horrible dream about L last night. I haven't seen him in over a year and I stopped going to the parties and stuff because he was starting to really scare me. But he was in...

LlamaLlamaDuck

Llama Lover/Skittle Minion

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Numbers, numbers, numbers.

Posted March 12th 2011 at 05:02 PM by LlamaLlamaDuck

I've been thinking lately about moving out and never really looked into it. Today I got a great website from a certain LHO who was very helpful.

And the people there referred me to another site which was more focussed on my area. Through that I found THIS wonderful page which told me all about living costs. Which is excellent. Since I'm looking for a job, I figured it'd be helpful to have an idea of how much I might need to save and what kind of hours I'd need to work to be able to afford to

...

LlamaLlamaDuck

Llama Lover/Skittle Minion

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Hold on, baby, you're losing it.

Posted March 11th 2011 at 09:38 AM by LlamaLlamaDuck

Can't do anything right, can I? Saw my doctor today. I had a list of thing she needed to know on a small bit of paper. But I sat and fidgeted with it the whole time.
Told her I overdosed again. Refused another blood test. She gave me a booklet with some numbers in it. Said to call one of them if I wanted to overdose again.
She knows I'm still cutting but doesn't seem hugely concerned about it. Luckily. Couldn't find the words to tell her I don't feel safe when I'm home on my own....

LlamaLlamaDuck

Llama Lover/Skittle Minion

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Today will be fun.

Posted March 10th 2011 at 12:01 PM by LlamaLlamaDuck

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LlamaLlamaDuck

Llama Lover/Skittle Minion

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Alive. (trig)

Posted March 8th 2011 at 11:08 PM by LlamaLlamaDuck

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
hurt myself again today
and the worst part is there's no one else to blame.

Blood on my hand again. And over my other leg. They're both a bit messy. The blood made me smile. I felt so alive for that one moment. And it felt so. Good. Kind of looking forward to tomorrow. Home alone. I can cut as deep as I want and I'll have plenty of time alone to clean it up.

Now the after effect is settling...

LlamaLlamaDuck

Llama Lover/Skittle Minion

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