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(triggering and strong language)
Posted July 31st 2013 at 05:43 AM by Lumos.
i really have no clue how to even explain how i feel,i just need to get it out. today i've been suicidal all day, the thoughts and voices won't stop screaming at me. All i want to do is end it, i was seriously considering it earlier. I don't really know whats stopping me honestly. its not like i'm gonna make it anywhere in my life. I'll never be good enough for anything. if i continue on this way it'll be fucking pointless. No one really wants me around in my life.
i've fallen back into my old way of thinking. my old way of.. everything really. i just want the voices to fucking stop. i've tried fighting them and all they do is get worse, so i might as well give into them.
It's either drink or cut to make them stop, and it only stops for a minute. But that minute is so nice to finally have a clear head. I haven't drank in a little over a month and i haven't cut in 3 weeks.. I don't know how but its not going to last long.. i can't fight the urges anymore..
Yesterday my mom barely touched my head and i jumped and got mad at her in the middle of the store.i just felt like if she touched my head something bad would happen. i almost had a panic attack because of it.
Also i get paranoid even if i step out of the house, that someone is going to hurt me or that they'll judge me. my mom tells me its stupid for me to think that.. she doesn't realize how bad i've gotten.. no one does really, i've gotten so good at pretending to be happy that sometimes i even fool myself..
just someone make it fucking stop before i do. i can't do this anymore.
i've fallen back into my old way of thinking. my old way of.. everything really. i just want the voices to fucking stop. i've tried fighting them and all they do is get worse, so i might as well give into them.
It's either drink or cut to make them stop, and it only stops for a minute. But that minute is so nice to finally have a clear head. I haven't drank in a little over a month and i haven't cut in 3 weeks.. I don't know how but its not going to last long.. i can't fight the urges anymore..
Yesterday my mom barely touched my head and i jumped and got mad at her in the middle of the store.i just felt like if she touched my head something bad would happen. i almost had a panic attack because of it.
Also i get paranoid even if i step out of the house, that someone is going to hurt me or that they'll judge me. my mom tells me its stupid for me to think that.. she doesn't realize how bad i've gotten.. no one does really, i've gotten so good at pretending to be happy that sometimes i even fool myself..
just someone make it fucking stop before i do. i can't do this anymore.
Total Comments 1
Comments
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NO! WAIT! I don't even know you yet! Plus, you're so strong. You can do this. I promise.Posted July 31st 2013 at 07:27 PM by **Ordinary Day**
