TeenHelp
Get Advice Quick Ask Support Forums Today's Posts Chat Room

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Chat and Live Help Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Safety Zone
   Hotlines
   Alternatives
   Calendar


You are not registered or have not logged in
Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!) As a guest you can submit help requests, create and reply to Forum posts, join our Chat Room and read our range of articles & resources. By registering you will be able to get fully involved in our community and enjoy features such as connect with members worldwide, add friends & send messages, express yourself through a Blog, find others with similar interests in Social Groups, post pictures and links, set up a profile and more! Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!



Rate this Entry

slowly drowning (triggering/strong language)

Submit "slowly drowning (triggering/strong language)" to Digg Submit "slowly drowning (triggering/strong language)" to del.icio.us Submit "slowly drowning (triggering/strong language)" to StumbleUpon Submit "slowly drowning (triggering/strong language)" to Google
Posted August 18th 2014 at 03:51 AM by Lumos.
Updated August 18th 2014 at 04:07 AM by Lumos.

okay, so this is a thing, i haven't wrote a blog post here on TH in forever. I was doing really great in the time that i was kinda mia from TH. I was happy, not cutting, didn't have many suicidal thoughts and felt good, i thought it was going to last. i thought "oh if this is how recovery is then why is it so easy." i feel almost stupid for saying that now. I'm really glad that i felt better for about 3 months, and that that 3 months was during summer. it sure as hell didn't last.

it started getting worse again like a little less than a week ago. it was just an urge to hurt myself and i thought nothing of it since i'd still get them a couple times every week. the urge got worse and i really didn't expect it so it felt so horrible, i almost cut but some how got past it, maybe because i'm almost at 10 weeks,i don't know. then over the next couple days up until today just got continually worse, today was the worst so far this time. I've been triggered all day, been really fucking suicidal and been super panicky.Had a panic attack earlier when i was eating lunch (not gonna talk about that in this blog post), got really close to harming myself after that. I still want to and i think thats why i'm writing because i don't necessarily want to cut, something in my head is urging me to though. urging me to cut deep and not wake up tomorrow. reminding me that i just have to stay quiet and no one will notice that i slip away.

All of this just feels like i'm laying down in a rushing river and someone is putting heavy rocks on my chest and all the people who i care about are just standing on the river shore watching as i drown. its physically painful right now, i feel like the water is getting in my lungs. i can't breathe.

The thoughts of killing myself are back and pretty bad, I honestly don't feel like i have control over my thoughts or much of my actions anymore. somewhere in my brain i really don't want to cut or kill myself but most of my brain is screaming and urging me on.
fuck don't know how much longer i can hold on
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 905 Comments 1 Email Blog Entry
« Prev     Main     Next »

         
Total Comments 1

Comments

  1. Old Comment
    Its.Just.Angie's Avatar
    hey!
    I'm really sorry to hear that your struggling right now! It must really suck! But I want you to know you should pay more attention to that little part that's telling you don't do it. Its really good you are resisting the urges

    Something that helped me is that I have a a little box. In that box I have a bunch of postitve quotes, lots of pictures of friends and family or people that I'm close too that I know that don't want me gone. Also I have play dough and other stuff to distract me at the moment! When things get bad I look at the pictures and do what ever with it.. It may not be a permanet solution but it can distract you for a little bit keeping a journel helps too

    I hope it gets better soon! if you ever need anyone feel free to message me anytime

    permalink
    Posted August 18th 2014 at 05:09 AM by Its.Just.Angie Its.Just.Angie is offline
 
 
User Infomation
Your Avatar

Latest Articles

Statistics
Members: 97,125
Threads: 161,083
Posts: 1,384,289
Total Online: 166

Newest Member: EUYMargari

Advertisement



All material copyright 1998-2023, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints | Mobile

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2023, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.