Well, it's been a while. I missed TH hopefully I'll be on more...

I'd been doing okay-ish (okay enough i guess). I have so much mental bullshit going on at all times I don't even think that I coulit's d be doing better than okay. Its all just fucking debilitating. I'd been making it through, i'll put it that way. Today suddenly though, i'm drowning. I haven't felt like this in months. My urges are through the roof, worse than they've been in ages. so bad that i wish i could just give...

At day or at night,
Do you ever find yourself
Looking up at the sky,
Wondering, pondering,
Or even remembering?

Sometimes I find myself
Looking up at the sky,
And a lot of times,
Reminiscing a lot of memories,
Both good and bad.

Do you ever think about
Everything you've been through,
Only to find yourself
So depressed
About who and what you lost?

Do you ever want to say...

The past few weeks have been a nightmare. Not completely, there have been good points and it's not like I'm miserable or anything. But dear spaghetti they've been stressful. I worry about everything anyway, that's just me. But this time it was things I couldn't talk myself down from because they WERE worth worrying over.

Work got stupidly stressful when I was landed with a task that was started so badly by the other person that it took me two days to fix. It was a simple mailout to...

When I see the red dripping on my wrist,
When I feel the cold metal on the back of my head
When I feel the flame on my legs and feet,
I'm thinking of getting lost with the nothingness inside of me.

Sometimes I wonder,
If anyone will miss me when I'm six feet under.
Will anyone care if I'm buried under the soil?
Will anyone find the notes I keep hidden?
Sometimes I wanna get lost with the nothingness inside of me.

Screaming...

It's true.

The nice people,
The kind-hearted,
The ones that you talk to
And think how genuine
This person really is,
Are the ones that do
Struggle the most.

On the outside,
They're the kindest person
You've probably ever seen,
But deep down on the inside,
They're the ones that are hurting,
Battling the battles
That is causing them distress.

I consider myself one of these...

It's not the end of the world.
High school usually isn't
Where you meet
Your lifelong friend(s),
Or your lifelong soulmate and love.

I used to think
If I didn't meet
Any girls in high school
That suited me
And would be my girlfriend,
I would end up being alone,
And not finding a girl
Who loves me for who I am,
And wouldn't change
The wonderful person I am.

I used to think...

So, Im redoing the blog
Since last time I tried
Hardly anyone used it

So Im trying once more!

Starting with

Anyone have any pets?

I do!

I have CATS!!!

I have 19.

Spring- Mix/Female
Hudini- Himself/Male
Skitz- Orangey/ Male
Hu Jr.-Hudini/Male
Gizmo- Calico/Female
Kionna- Mix/Female
Whinner- Mix/Male
Mr.Anitsocial- Orangey/Male...

Do you ever find yourself
Sitting or maybe lying down
In your room,
Or even wandering around your house
Just thinking about someone
Who meant a lot to you?

Sometimes, even though
You did nearly everything
To move on and forget
About this person
Who meant a great deal to you,
You find yourself still a bit sad,
Knowing that person you cared
So deeply for
Is never coming back into your life....

We all have those times in life
Where we feel empty and lonely
Deep down inside even though,
On the outside,
We appear the happiest person
Anyone has ever seen.

We feel the need
To mask that loneliness
Because we're scared
That it'll make us look weak,
That it'll make us look unwanted...

We long for belonging.

Hence, it is why when we find
A group of people or that one person,
...

We always have a choice.

It doesn't matter
What others may say otherwise,
Or if the situation you're in
Is so bad that
You have to drop down
To the levels of
Bitterness and anger.

You can't blame
Other people,
No matter how much
Of an asshole or a jerk
They may seem,
For your changed,
Antisocial and angry behavior.

That was your choice, not theirs,
To do just that....