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Old

I hate this so much. (TRIGGERING)

Posted May 3rd 2012 at 11:59 PM by Melancholia. (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)

No matter how many times people try to convince me otherwise, no matter how many times I try to convince myself otherwise, I always feel in my heart that I'll never be good enough. That no matter how hard I try it'll never be enough. That I'll never succeed. That nothing will ever change for me.

I go through periods of doing good. Today was one of my better days in THREE WEEKS. But I know it won't last. It never lasts. I've been so depressed lately even though I never show it, everything...
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Devil Dez
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 45 Comments 2 Melancholia. is offline
Old

Confusion? (TRIG)

Posted January 31st 2012 at 03:28 AM by Melancholia. (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)

I had a pretty good week last week I guess. Nothing major happened. But yet this week, still nothing has happened and I find my negative thoughts have returned.

My motivation has been down the toilet for a while but yet I still get upset when I don't do well on something. I haven't felt any strong emotions but yet I'm still sitting here thinking all negatively. I'm a failure who will never get anywhere and I feel ugly and wish I could get hit by the nearest bus or something because...
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Devil Dez
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Views 66 Comments 1 Melancholia. is offline
Old

random night time thoughts.

Posted April 16th 2011 at 05:13 AM by xX-anna-Xx
Tags thoughts

so , i've been thinking alot and i honestly miss the past. i dont know what part about the past i miss the most. being close to certin people . or just not being as depressed. everything is different than when i was younger. the world around me is changing so fast i can hardly even capture whats even going on anymore.
my heads always ina daze. i dont realize things i normallly would. i can feeel my depression slowly coming back and its hurting. i dont like this feeling.
i dont know...
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Old

my breaking point thoughts.. ( tirggering i guess )

Posted February 11th 2011 at 11:46 PM by xX-anna-Xx

Who am i trying to kid ?
me or him.
i know the things i say are usually lies when it comes to him.
but what am i suppose to say ?
that i still love him, when he doesnt give a crap about me .
when you look into my eyes i know you can see the hurt behind the smile and the lie " im fine "
he knew me. he was everything to me. he was my bestfriend. now hes gone. and theres no way to get him back.
i effed up big time by dating him again i guess....
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Old

my thoughts.

Posted December 16th 2010 at 12:56 AM by xX-anna-Xx
Tags thoughts

everything isnt the same anymore. nobody is. its just sad. it makes me just wanna curl up ina ball and die. i may seem like a happy person on the outside , but thats only because of my medicine.
on the inside. im hurting. i cant eat. i feeel like im going to puke everytime. i can hardly even eat a grilled cheese anymore without wanting to puke. i know this is all about help , which this is what im trying to do.
i've been in 2 programs for depresssion and just got out of Harbor Oaks...
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