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I can't do anything about my depression - June 13th 2017, 10:00 PM

I'm almost certain I have depression. I'm constantly sad and hopeless. I self harm. And I have physical symptoms. The thing is I can't tell my parents.i have tried about three times and I can't say it. They won't believe me they just say that it's a part of being a teenager. I've tried telling friends and they helped me the first 3 times or so then they would let me deal with it myself. I've tried therapy apps but they all cost a lot of money. And the free ones don't help me at all. I've tried what feels like every app and every website nothing works. I'm getting worse. I can't even tell my school counsellor because people follow me and will ask why I'm going there. I don't know what to do it would be so much easier to just give up. Someone help me. Please.
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Re: I can't do anything about my depression - June 13th 2017, 10:41 PM

Hey, I'm so sorry abouteverything your going through. The positive is that your willing to try and get better, you haven't given up yet and that in itself is an accomplishment. You said you tried telling your parents there times before but it just didn't work out, whats hold in you back? If its the fact that your parents will categorize all your problems under "hormony teenager" then that's fine, in the beginning. Your going to have to show them that this is aserious issue and its also affecting you physically, and your self harming. Your parents above all want you to be happy and healthy. Keeping your deppression from them will not do that. You also said that your 'almost certain' that you have deppression, because you haven't been clinically diagnosed you don't know that for sure, you may have a different mental illness and thats totally fine, but in order to get one step closer to the cure, your going to need to seek professional help, not help from an app. Seeing a therapist will not only help you get better, but will also legitimise your deppression or whatever illness you have in your parents' eyes. Not that your faking what going on with you, or that your exagerating, but your parents may take the issue more seriously if you were formally diagnosed. In terms of we school counsellor, it may only make you feel worse, as you said you may be followed or someone may see you walking into their office which will only make you feel like you have to lie about why you are really seeing a therapist. So maybe you could go see a therapist outside school be for you tell your parents and then have the therapist help you tell your parents about the problem you are facing. If you can't do that then maybe you could get one of your friends you've already told, or an older brother or sister to help you tell your parents. I think the most important step you need to take is that of tell in your parents. If they know your no longer suffering alone, and you may even stop self harming and your mental illness would be formally diagnosed and you'd be able to start going through recovery.
I know its a long comment but I really hope it helps you decide what step you'll take next. No matter which way you decide to go we''ll always support you. Let me know I you need help or just want to talk to someone.
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Re: I can't do anything about my depression - June 14th 2017, 07:49 AM

I'm sorry you can't go to the school counselor. They're supposed to be the ones especially trained best to be there specifically for you, because they know students like you are out there, and they want to help you, they just don't know which students are the ones who need the help.

And as a student, who needs the help, it's difficult to know where the safe place to go is, and who the safe person to tell is.

The best person to talk to is someone who's been through it themselves. They're the ones who understand the best, because they've experienced it themselves first hand, so they understand fully what you are going through, (in fact they can probably understand it even better than you, because for you this is something new and strange, and you may wonder if this is even normal or not, whereas for them it's much easier for them to tell, because they've had more first hand experience, with both the normal and the not normal experiences.

Second best person to talk to is someone who's been trained to recognize these various problems and trained in what helps and how to help. These people may not have actual first hand experience themselves, but they have a caring personality type that makes them want to dedicate their career to helping others, and they decided to study this stuff and learn as much as possible about it, and learn to recognize these various problems, and learn what helps, and how to help, and make themselves available, so they are all prepared, and now just waiting for students to come to them and ask for help. (Actually some teachers may be trained, either by the school district, or just because they care about their students and they want to be the best teachers they can be. Or the teachers have had enough experience, and they've experienced previous students go through these things, or maybe they've had a neighbor's son or daughter go through this, or maybe one of their own son or daughter has gone through this. One way or another they get life experience, and now they are ready to pass it on to others.)

Again there's still the problem of how to recognize who is the person who understands these problems? Who is the one who will be the one to talk to?

Often parents don't know what to do. Kids don't come with instructions. If the parent hasn't encountered this before, and hasn't taken a specific class in this, they may not know what to do, or who to turn to, so they might just, as you say, brush it off as being "part of being a teenager", when the moment you mention "self harm" that's all anyone who knows anything about this needs to hear to know this is definitely not a normal part of being a teenager, it's definitely a symptom of clinical depression, which fortunately is treatable, and you need to see a doctor, and get some medication, because your body chemistry is way out of balance. This is where me having a lot of personal first hand experience with this, it's very easy for me to say, oh it's so obviously.... and go into my speech about how the mind and body work, and it's only because I have experienced it myself, that it's like so obvious to me that there's great hope and you'll likely be fine in the long run, if you can hang in there.

To save myself a lot of typing I'll just insert a link to a story here that explains how the experience of taking medications works to cure this horrible depression you are in:

Now the big next step is getting you to a doctor, and one that knows enough about this particular type of medical disorder that he can properly treat you. I'm not sure where you live. The type of doctor that specializes in this type of medical problem is a psychiatrist. (note: psychiatrist = medical doctor. psychologist = talk therapist. They're both nice to have.) Sometimes (or often, depending on where you live) there is a shortage of psychiatrist doctors, and regular doctors take over and prescribe medications for the simple cases, or at least start patients on an antidepressant medication, while working to get the patient to see the specialist. Not every antidepressant works for every person. It's a hit or miss guessing game. The good news is there are a lot of different antidepressant medications, so in the long run it's quite likely that there is an antidepressant medication out there that will work for you, you just have to find it.

Getting you to the doctor may involve educating your parents about this type of medical disorder. I don't know how well educated your parents are. Are they college graduates? Or high school drop outs? It might make a difference. If they are the brainy type of smart parents, then they just need a little direction, and they'll go research it themselves and become experts in the subject, because their precious child needs the help.

On the other hand, it may help if you can find an ally on your side, someone who's familiar with this type of medical problem, who can talk with your parents, educate them a little about it, and then convince them to take you to the doctor.

Let's see, if you're in the USA, you could try calling 2-1-1, and asking if there's a local number you can call for mental health information. Sometimes the local city or county has set up a phone number that is the entry point phone number for everyone to call with any questions about this kind of mental wellness thing, and all questions go to this phone number, and this phone number has all the answers.

Other counties have many phone numbers to call, and you call them all, and each phone number sends you to another phone number, until you end up back at the first phone number you called, completing the circle, frustrated, realizing that you've spent all this energy and all you did was make a whole lot of phone calls and you just went around in a big circle going nowhere. (Sorry if that happens to you!)

Another place you might try is calling the local hospital and asking if they have a psychiatric ward, and asking to be transferred there, then asking the receptionist at the hospital psych ward your question. I say call, because that way you are anonymous.

Another option is to call any psychiatrist office, and talk to the receptionist there. (Again, calling is nice as you can remain anonymous. Also, try to pick a time when they are not busy, as that way the person who answers will be able to spend more time talking with you.)

Yet another option, call any church. Ask whoever answers if anyone there is familiar with mental health problems such as clinical depression, and can you talk to that person? Again you get to be anonymous by calling. (Probably as many as 10% of people either are or know someone who is, so this kind of thing is actually very common, so a little "cold calling", as this is called, where you just call randomly and hope to find someone helpful, will probably connect you with someone helpful.

Oh, and see if your community has a Mental Wellness Center, or something affiliated with NAMI. (Check the NAMI website.) Or you might get lucky and there's a local Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance support group in your area. (Check http://www.dbsalliance.org for support group locator.)

OK those are my ideas off hand.

In summary, definitely not normal, definitely a treatable medical condition (though also treatable with whatever social engagement activities make you happy, if being with people lifts your spirits, I take both the medication and do the social groups and talk therapy, it all helps), keep HOPE that you won't have to suffer like this forever, that there are many people out there who understand, and have been through this themselves, or at least have been trained, not everyone has experienced this, not everyone has been trained, not everyone will understand or know what to do, but about 10% of the people out there will understand and do know what needs to be done to help you and get you well again, and will be eager to help you.

Best wishes! (Sorry this was so long! I should make my replies shorter!)
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Re: I can't do anything about my depression - June 14th 2017, 09:32 AM

Hello. I haven't self harmed but I definitely know what depression is like. And I still get depressed, especially when things aren't going well. I feel like I've come pretty far, but learning how to be happy is a process. Forget paying for apps, they'll just take your money. I say, if you feel depressed, then you're depressed.

Here's a few suggestions... figure out why you're depressed and identify triggers. It's helpful to keep a journal, because you get to write out all your thoughts and feelings. It's very therapeutic, it can help clear your mind and it allows you to articulate your thoughts more clearly instead of just letting them race (if it helps, think of it as a place where you can leave the negativity behind). A neat trick is to categorize the feelings you have. Is it circumstantial (how life is going for you, things happening to or around you, not enough fun/rewarding things going on), is it environmental (your household, a small town, are you inside all day, or the people around you, like mean or negative people) or is it internal (are you upset with yourself, low self-esteem/confidence, moody or other emotions). Categorizing them helps you better analyze your feelings so that you can begin the healing process by addressing them and looking for solutions.

I'm not sure how to explain this part, but try to step outside of yourself. Close your eyes. Pretend you're looking above the world or an imaginary place, just observing. There's no negativity, no problems, there's not tomorrow or yesterday, there's just landscapes, cities, beautiful sights. If thoughts arise, let them finish and allow them to float away. Don't try to block depression. Just let everything flow, take deep breaths. You can open your eyes after this. Now, think of everything you do have to be grateful for, think of all the positive memories, visualize more positive memories and think of the people you have to be grateful for. Writing them down will help. Try this super simple exercise and see if it helps. It can take just a few minutes (set a timer for 2 or more mins). It helps you step outside yourself more often.

I hope you don't mind a few questions. What grade are you in? You said people will follow you and ask you why you're going to the counselor. Well, even if they are aware you're going to the counselor, will it really affect you for them to know? Do you think they'd judge you for it? I couldn't tell from your post whether you really asked your parents or whether people really followed you, sorry for not getting that part. And also, what do you think is making you depressed?

I would suggest seeking a psychologist before going to a psychiatrist so you don't go straight to medication. Here are a few tips, which might seem hard to do or not even worth it, but they've helped me a lot so I'll share them. Exercise. Even if it's for 5 minutes. Even if you aren't going all out or not doing it with 100% integrity, as long as you get your blood flowing and release endorphins (there are so many amazing videos on youtube, even for beginners! pm me if you want me to send links) Meditate -- find a calming video on youtube, like delta waves or 528 solfeggio frequencies and even subliminal (you might not believe me but subliminals have helped me the most out of anything.) Drink water! You've probably read this online but personally, drinking water primarily has really boosted my energy. Breathing exercises! Again, youtube.

Even though I have suicidal thoughts, I have learned that there is always something we can do to improve to feel better, to get closer to a solution, and we will find the solution. Let me share a bit about the past two years for me. It's been hard, I've had to deal with leaving college (where i made friends and a great job experience) because I didn't want to take up loans, not having enough hours to work/being poor, a breakup, my gma being diagnosed with cancer, bed bugs for months, being upset about my job the whole time, getting hit by my ex and the worst, getting scabies (where i felt trapped for months, scary mites, stay away). After this stuff happened, I learned that there is always a way to get past this! The traumatic pain will heal, you will get stronger, smarter, better. Scabies seems like an incurable thing when you have it and it won't go away. But guess what, I found a way. I'm telling this because I know you and others with this problem can find a way!

Welp, this is what comes to mind for now. I hope I was helpful. Feel free to message me if you want to rant, and if there's anything you can elaborate on (on this thread) I'll respond to them when I get on. Please update us, we care!

Last edited by msfsteven; June 14th 2017 at 10:01 AM.
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Re: I can't do anything about my depression - June 17th 2017, 05:35 PM

Hey there!

I am so sorry that you struggling so much right now. But you can actually try so many things to fix your depression! Dont give up!

I understand that external support isnt helping at the moment, but there are many suggestions give above so I wont reapeat them. But consider this for a moment: You actually have all you need to help yourself, and all it takes is courage to try again!

1) Routine- When life is being depressing, try to scrap off the old routine or habits, and replace it with a new one. For example, set a new timetable and try your best to stick to it! Allocate yourself sometime for leisure and do productive work otherwise, for example, I would allow myself to have a small jog of 20 minutes when I can, and some time for my piano. I mean, do things that you love and allow yourself to do them!

2) Goals- I completely understand what its like when depression hits you, things you used to love doing are no longer enjoyable. This is when you should try to fight the depression and gain your interest back! A good way to do so is to set targets on what you want to acheive. Dont be in a hurry and be kind to yourself! Take small improvements everyday and make sure you take note of them, good or bad, you will see how you progress and hopefully you will see satisfaction in it!

3) Exercise- As I said above, this is a good routine to have. But do you know that it also helps to make you feel happier? Well, when you do exercises, it releases endorphins that makes you feel good and induce positive feelings, and studies shows that it does help in curing depression!

4) Sleep- Most of your hormones are regulated during your sleep, and when lack of sleep will cause hormonal imbalance. Uncontrolled emotions like depression is one of the causes of sleep deprivation. I experienced this myself too, when I am sleep deprived I tend to be more depressed and suicidal, and I felt better after a few days of normal sleeping without doing anything else!

5) Think logically- I know how much I relied on this, and I wont be here alive if it wasnt because of this! I know how hard it is to think straight when you are depressed, but sometimes think about your thoughts again. Is it really valid and logical? Sometimes when we think there is no way out of our life, think again, is it really unsolvable? The truth is every problem can be solved just like the problems we see in school, but its more complex and it takes lots of effort to think a way to fix it! I hate to say this, but sometimes when emotions are unreliable, dont forget about your logical thinking, it is loyal and will never break down because of your emotions! We are often too harsh on ourselves and we might have been thinking of the worse case senario!

6) Keep busy- Its very hard to be productive or even get yourself to start doing work. I truly understand that. But when you have important responsibilities on you like schoolwork, or assignments, these things can keep you from doing nothing for the whole day! Focus on the work and try your best to use them to distract the negative thoughts. Its a positive loop: The more you work, the more productive you are, the more you feel worthy and the less depressed you are!

7) Make new friends- I know how your current friends arent supportive to you. I know how depressing it must be for you and you might blame them. But I hope you also know that they never able to comprehend what you are going through, thus might be cold or less understanding towards helping you. But not everyone are like that! Have you considered going to support societies near your area? Or voluntering? These are great ways you can meet new and nice (especially volunteers!) people, and you might be suprised that there are so many nice and kind people around who are willing to be friends and be supportive to you!

I just want to let you know that everyone here cares for you. We would never want you to get worse and we just want to help you more! Most importantly we will never give up on you. I hope you write to the threads more if you need more advice, okay? We will always listen, understand, and try our best to help!

Things will get better eventually I promise. You will be glad one day that you kept going all these while and didnt gave up!

Do my best at everything I can to live a happy, perfect life.

Happy life won't come by being happy everyday. Struggle and always work hard.

Forgive other's imperfection, they will work hard about it once I point it out to them, just like what I should be doing.

On the other hand, never tolerate with my own mediocrity. Never slack and always strive improvement.

Never settle. Never give up.
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