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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
CurledUpInABall Offline
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harm to myself - February 15th 2017, 06:42 PM

i tend to scratch myself, burn myself, and cut myself...i think of suicide sometimes...I've also ran away from home...i hate when people touch me when I'm depressed and it makes it worst...i find sitting in the dark alone to help me but everyone says not to and i don't know why. i like to draw my emotions then rip the paper up but sometimes the drawing goes too deep and i feel worst as well. My family tries to help but they don't completely understand. i don't have that many friends because i keep pushing them away and I'm struggling on the edge. I don't know what to do anymore.
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Re: harm to myself - February 15th 2017, 08:08 PM

Hi There. I'm so sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time with coping. I love your idea of writing down your emotions and then ripping them up. I used to do that as well and sometimes it can be helpful. I am also sure that you will find other ways. Sometimes crying it out is a good idea if you get to overwhelmed.

Although, your parents may not fully understand what is going on or how to help you at least they want to help. Look at this way, even if someone doesn't understand how to help that doesn't mean that they can't help comfort you. Try to allow them in to your life. Talking about what is truly bothering you often helps as well.

Most of all, please try to stop the self harm. As someone that used to do that, those scars never go away. When you get to my age (29) you look back at those scars and remember how painful your life truly was. There are other ways. I know you can do this. I have faith in you. You just have to find the "thing". The one thing that will help you cope the most. It's different for everyone but my was singing and writing novels.

If you ever need to talk please don't hesitate to contact me.

Remember, YOU got this! Things will get better! <3
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Re: harm to myself - February 16th 2017, 01:26 AM

Hi There,

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I would urge you to use your hobbies as a distraction from self-harming. I know that's a lot easier said than done.

I'm glad that you family cares and tries to understand. Have you seen a counselor? I think that could benefit both you and you family. Support from multiple people is really good for recovery, i.e. family, friends, teachers and mental health professionals.

Do you know why you are depressed, or is it something that happens? Also, with running away from home is there a root cause for that? Finding the roots to your depression is something to think about. as it also helps the healing process.

If you don't like being touched, let people know. Some people really hate it, and that's okay. As for sitting in the dark, people might see it as unhealthy and depending on how often you do it, it could be. I know though that sometimes when my anxiety flares, I just want to sit in the dark. I think in measures it's okay, so I wouldn't worry to much about that aspect.

Focus on getting help from counselors and using your support system. I know that it's really hard but you can do this. Feel free to message me if you want to talk to someone!
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Re: harm to myself - February 16th 2017, 06:41 AM

Hi there!

I'm sorry you are going through all of this, but I'm glad you reached out here because you deserve support and a place to talk about your feelings.

When you are feeling depressed, it can be appealing to sit in the dark; comforting almost, and therefore it is confusing when people tell you not to. The reason is that while it may seemingly be comforting, it isn't healthy because it allows your feelings to bring you down as there's no light or positive reminders to lift your spirits. However, everyone is different. If sitting in the dark truly helps you feel more positive, then continue doing so but if it pulls you down more, I'd encourage you to refrain from sitting in the dark. If you'd like, you can put soft lights in your room such as stringed soft lights, a lamp with soft lighting or a nightlight.

Is it okay if I ask why you ran away from home? I'm wondering if people in your life have mistreated you, causing you to feel the need to run away. People may touch/hug you making attempts to comfort you when you're feeling low, but if it makes you uncomfortable then it's okay to politely mention what they are doing makes you uncomfortable, and let them know what would help you. They may not know that what they're doing is upsetting you and it's important you let them know so that you don't have to feel upset/uncomfortable.

Self-harm may feel like the only outlet that helps when you feel like there is nothing else to turn to, but in the end it doesn't help and only brings you down. The fact that you self-harm shows you are looking for coping mechanisms which is healthy, but self-harm isn't a healthy coping mechanism and while it understandably may be difficult, I encourage you to try other ways of expressing yourself and trying to tackle one urge at a time. You may find this list of self-harm alternatives helpful: click here.

Going out into the sun for a 15-30 minute walk each day or having your window curtains pulled away so sunlight can fill your house can help a lot. Sunlight can affect chemicals in your body that helps lift your mood. Exercise releases endorphins which is what self-harm releases. Therefore, a small amount of light exercise in the sunlight each day may help you both feel better and hopefully reduce your self-harm urges.

Drawing your emotions and ripping the paper up sounds like it could be a healthy outlet, but it may be best not to if it makes you feel worse. Would it help to write what you are feeling and thinking in a journal? Or writing poems, songs or short stories? Having a creative emotional outlet is important as it's a healthier way to express yourself.

Your family must care a lot about you to make efforts to help you. It can be difficult when the people around you do not understand though. Is it possible to talk to them more in-depth about your struggles, and help them understand better? Explaining everything better may help them understand more clearly and figure out how to help you more effectively. I understand it may be difficult to put it all in words, especially when you are feeling quite low. Would you be able to write down what you'd like to explain in a note first, to explain it as clearly as you can before approaching them?

As for your friends, I understand the urge to push them away when you are struggling. It can feel like the right thing to do, and feel easier but it is important you have support. I know it may be hard, but how about considering the idea of opening up to a trusted friend? Think about it, write a note you'd like to give them explaining how you are feeling, and visualize yourself giving it to them. You can ease into the idea at your own pace. I just hope you do let them in because you seem to be struggling a lot and you deserve support from friends.

Aside from family and friends, are there any other trusted adults you can turn to? This can be a family member, close family friend, trusted adult, teacher, pastor, school counselor etc. I was wondering if you've ever considered/spoken to a therapist? Therapy may be very beneficial for you.

You are dealing with a lot it seems, and I understand you are battling suicidal thoughts. I just want to remind you that you're stronger than you know. When you are feeling so low, it's okay to not be okay, but always remember that you will be okay again. There'll always be better days ahead of all the difficult ones and you deserve to live to see the good days and live the wonderful experiences. The tough days and bad experiences are only a part of life, and you shouldn't miss the good parts because you deserve to live through the happier parts of life and see what it has to offer. Life can be really hard, but it can be really beautiful too and the beautiful parts are worth it.

Just be sure you know you aren't alone through the tough times, okay? You've got support here now. Take care and stay safe.
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Re: harm to myself - February 16th 2017, 02:58 PM

i guess i could try them nala...anything is better than harming myself i guess
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Re: harm to myself - February 16th 2017, 09:41 PM

I'm happy to hear you will try out some of those things. You are right that any other healthy alternative is better than harming yourself.

Since self-harm became a coping mechanism for what you were feeling, it is a good idea to ensure you have emotional outlets. Have you thought about blogging here on TeenHelp, and/or starting a journal about your thoughts and feelings? It is certainly best not to keep it all inside. You can reach out here anytime as well.

Remember that you'll have relapses and urges, but you can recover from self-harm. You're stronger than you know and now you've got us at TeenHelp here to support you. Take it one urge at a time and one day at a time. Perhaps you could set small goals? Such as a week, then move it up to a week and a half and so on. When you reach those goals you could give yourself a little reward. For example, some people buy themselves a song, some people get a pet etc. Speaking of, pets can be quite therapeutic!

Most of all, I want to reassure you that you've got support here. We're here to listen and help if we can. Take care and hold on.
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Re: harm to myself - February 20th 2017, 12:05 PM

i can blog but a journal/ diary i already have...and i do agree pets are therapeutic. Thank you so much nala.
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Re: harm to myself - February 20th 2017, 09:03 PM


I'm sorry to hear that you are finding it difficult to cope. If your coping strategy of drawing your emotions and ripping it up is making you feel worse, I would suggest that you try not to use it.

Writing a blog sounds like a good idea; if you like quotes, you could inspirational and happy quotes to write on your blog. If sitting in a dark room alone helps you, you could try meditating to help you feel calm and reduce the urge.

It's nice that your family wants to help you. You could write down how you feel, to help your family understand. As for the friends, if there is a close friend who you trust, you could write them a note about how you are feeling. It's good to have a support network of not just adults but also a trusted friend.

Stay strong. If you ever need help or want to talk, feel free to message me. I'm happy to help.

Be Strong, Have Faith, Have Courage xx

Current Mental Health - Sever depression, SAD,Self harm, Suicide thoughts, anxiety attacks and voices in my head.

Current Medicines - Fluoxetine

Feel free to PM me anytime , I love getting PM's and I love supporting people as it distracts me from my horrible thoughts.
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