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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Question Dealing with my asinine parents - February 17th 2021, 09:57 PM

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Lately I have been having more and more problems with my parents. I guess it kinda started about a year ago when my ex and I had a mini pregnancy scare. We used birthcontrol but her period was a little late and eventually while she was freaked out she told her parents, who told mine, predictable outcome. It turns out she was one day too early in going to her parents lol, but I dont blame her, she was tight with her parents. But mine were upset and went off on me about ruining my future, not being prepared for real life or being a dad, on and on with that sort of stuff. I got it, and accepted what they were saying, and after a long time I was un grounded and life back to normal.

What they didnt know between now and then was I started going to a few partys, drinking, smoking pot and whatnot. With the whole covid thing going on there's been a lot less partys and I kinda had to move my stash home where it was eventually found by my dad in the garage while he was cleaning last month. Again they went off, and I stopped doing it for awhile.

Now earlier this month my current girlfriend and I were having sex in her car, parked in a pretty hidden spot by my house. But not hidden enough and next thing we knew my mom was knocking on the car window. It would almost be funny if it weren't me, if you know what I mean. Then to top it all off my mom or dad, I'm not sure which, has apparently learned how to use the router and discovered some of my browsing habits.

So now I'm about 3 steps past grounded, wherever that might be and things just seem to keep getting worse. They put a hold on my debit card and last week they took my phone and made me give her the password to shut off all the notifications. But my mom lied to me, or maybe she didn't, but she took the time to go thru it and found some of the pics me and my gf had been sharing.

Like im not trying to be mad or snotty with them; I know I messed up and its nobody's fault but mine. But those were private. That fact doesn't seem to matter to either of them. They went off again about all sorts of crap, from ruining both of our job opportunities if they got out, jail for underage porn, being a good example to my sister, not being able to get into college, not learning from my first mistake, how serious mistakes could be if my gf ended up pregnant, criminal charges from the pics, etc.

Now its like a police state, they shut off my phone and bank card. They didn't take my car since I bought it myself and its in my name, but that doesn't really matter since its out of gas and its covid time anyways. They went thru my stuff and found my secret secret stash, and freaked out again even tho it was only 2 joints.

My grades arnt nearly good enough either, apparently. I have to bring each one up to at least a b. No going out, no phone, no money. The parents were going to help me sign for loans and pay for the first term of college, but that offer has been pulled until I earn it back. They tried to take my laptop too, until they remember I need that for school rn. But what they dont know is that I already know the neighbors wifi password, lol.

So the prison state is in effect until I get my grades up, stop messing up, pass some random at home drug tests and yeah. But here is where things get weird, and your going to try to call me a troll. They, I dont know if its more my mom or dad, probably my mom honestly, want me to try out wearing a chastity belt now. Since they said that like 3 days ago ive done alot of google Fu and discovered alot of gross and weird stuff. But what they showed me isnt like what I'm finding online at all, which mostly seem to be kinky toys and guys who like to wear girls stuff. This is a medical grade silicone/metal waist belt connected to like a sports protective cup.

I dont know where they got the idea but its weird asf and... yeah. I get that they are looking out for my future want me to be more responsible. I get that they have tried grounding and all the rest in the past and it hasn't apparently changed things for me. But according to my mom my sex drive is overactive and interfering with good decision making, school and life in general, and ive shown that i cant be trusted. But that part of my life feels... private? I dont have to wear it at home, but any time I leave or if Im ever allowed to go hang out again. I dunno, the whole conversation felt like when my parents found the stuff on my phone or when they went thru my room. Invaded?

Im gonna try to give it a week or however long I can, best behavior and all that. But they said I don't get forever to decide since there needs to be an appointment with the life casting guy. He apparently does scoliosis casts to make body braces but for this would be doing a casting of my hips. No I don't have to be naked infront of him but wear a speedo or something. I know they cant make me go to the appointment, or wear anything. That would probably be child abuse. But I guess they are being very smart about it by making it my choice. Even though they are holding all the cards in the things they take away or refuse to give. Is that coercion? I dont have any grounds to object on medical or hygiene, since I dont have to wear it at home and it allows for all the normal body functions anyways.

Anyways I though I would post here. I haven't talked to anyone about this stuff and i guess it built up. Already feels better to get some of the thoughts out of my head and written down.

I dont know what else I expected by coming here, maybe just hearing other peoples thoughts will help.

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Re: Dealing with my asinine parents - February 17th 2021, 10:23 PM

Lol I dont even know if this is in the right section.
   
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Re: Dealing with my asinine parents - February 17th 2021, 11:56 PM

I'm unsure of how old you are, but based on all that you've written, it sounds like your parents are in a stage of shock because of what they discovered. Then panicked thinking you were an irresponsible young person and that they need to protect you from yourself. However, they clearly have not considered that by doing what they're doing, the only person you need a defence from, is them.

I fully understand their behaviour. It's not the first time I've seen parents attempt drastic measures when sex amongst young people emerges. They want the best for their child and fear the worst. That said, the way they've gone about dealing with their discovery in that you're having sex is a little over the top.

Again, I understand they want to protect you, but there comes a point where punishments like those they're handing out will only work for so long. If a young person wants to circumvent their punishment, they will find away. As demonstrated by all that you've written. No matter how many punishments they deal, it's not going to work.

Ideally, they should have sat down with you, and perhaps your girlfriend as well, and discussed the situation properly. Your girlfriend clearly took all the necessary precautions. You both weren't being stupid. She is already taking a contraceptive pill to avoid pregnancy in the first place.

I can't imagine the difficulty you must be going through right now. Their behaviour cannot be good for your mental health. Unfortunately the best thing you can do, is sit down with them and discuss how they're making you feel. You know you did wrong, as you've already mentioned. All they see is that you're a young person acting out and they need to try and fix the problem. The way they're trying to fix the situation is making it worse. There needs to be a compromise on both sides. What they're doing right now is far too much.

In terms of pictures of both you and your girlfriend, based on what you've written, I can only assume they are of you both naked, or exposing yourself in a sexual manner. I can understand their concerns here, especially if you are underage. If those pictures were to fall into the wrong hands, or if you both part ways, anger and hurt can be a dangerous thing. Pictures like that can become a weapon you don't want to have around.

I understand that you're a young person and the internet is a vitally important resource, especially with everything going on right now, but be very careful when accessing internet that isn't your own. Your connection is actually shown on the owner's device administration tool. It will show the device name and user associated with it, as well as how much data you have used. Given that wi-fi has a very short distance, they will know it's someone nearby.

Overall, speak to your parents about how you're feeling. If you're unable to speak to them, see if you can consider chatting to a school teacher or perhaps even your girlfriend's parents. I know that you said that both parents are very close, but your parents' behaviour is a little too far.


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Re: Dealing with my asinine parents - February 18th 2021, 01:18 AM

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]Thanks Riviere

Is what they are wanting me to do illegal in itself? Or only illegal if I make an issue of it. I just feels a bit like blackmail

Lee[/size][/color][/font]
   
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Re: Dealing with my asinine parents - February 18th 2021, 05:34 AM

The above post was mine, i guess I was signed out in the middle of typing it lol
   
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Re: Dealing with my asinine parents - February 18th 2021, 11:34 AM

I admit, I am not too familiar with US law in how they would deem certain things to be legal/illegal. However, I would certainly say that no matter the country, if you're underage, it's certainly very questionable behaviour.

A chastity belt was common with females in certain older religions, but to have a child forced to wear one, especially if you are underage. That is not acceptable. It's going too far in their desire to stop you having sex.

When you can, talk to them about how they're making you feel, and try and help them understand that what they're doing is not acceptable behaviour.


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Re: Dealing with my asinine parents - February 18th 2021, 12:58 PM

Now while I have no idea as to your age, what strongly suggests you are a minor is indicated in your profile: Education - Junior High School. Hmm.

You should be very careful regarding your sexual exploits, refrain from further sexual activity, especially in your car, lest you get into a truckload of more trouble going to parties and getting smashed drinking, smoking pot and whatevs, and hiding your stash til it was found, and your parents are at the point of despair yet you seem to be enjoying your lifestyle while giving no consideration to them whatsoever. You mum was trying to make you see sense. Sadly it hasn't worked as the fault may be here in the first place making you wear this type of chastity belt, that is the wrong way about things. You should ask to talk to a child counsellor. I mean it.

[Edited.] They had been doing their absolute best for you, though they are going the wrong way to supposedly - help you.

I've been round the block as few times, see it all, done it all, been whipped and scarred by abusive parents, but got my life back on track and you can do it too. I say things as I see them, unless you really want to put in the effort and turn your life around and talk to maybe a police officer in charge of counseling young people. [Edited.], it's completely up to you now, and I won't be back on your topic, you know you can make a better life for yourself, if, that is, if you really want to.


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Last edited by cynefin; February 19th 2021 at 12:19 PM. Reason: Rudness; please follow the CoC!
   
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Re: Dealing with my asinine parents - February 18th 2021, 06:43 PM

Hi,

Like everyone else has said I'm not sure on the laws where you are, and of course your age, but I do think that the belt idea sounds a bit extreme. I can definitely understand they they want you to think about your future, and the idea of getting your grades up, cutting down on bad habits and such sounds reasonable. The belt on the other hand I do find quite hard to understand, but I feel like I can justify their logic even if I don't agree with the idea itself.

It's a tricky one as it sounds to me like your parents are in shock, like a post above stated, but also as a parent, realising your child is sexually active can be a lot to take in. It is almost always inevitable, but uncomfortable nonetheless for a parent to accept. I wonder whether a conversation with them would help if you came armed with facts and awareness about what safe sex entails, and a compromise on what you plan to do in terms of grades and bad habits? Obviously I don't know your parents, but there may be a way to reason with them and let them know you're very uncomfortable with this suggestion, and that you are aware of precautions you should be taking with regards to you sex and safety. Using protection is very important, and if you and your current partner are to be sexually active, maybe even having a second form of contraception would be helpful (e.g. if she is able to see a doctor and be prescribed something). It might not help with your parents, however it would be a step in the right direction of showing maturity and planning, which could work in your favour.

I would advise that you're careful with the locations you choose however, as mentioned above it could result in you getting into trouble, not just by your parents but by other people too if it is in a public setting.

As for whether what they're asking you to do is legal, because I'm not familiar with the law there I can't comment, and it does sound an extraordinary circumstance anyway. But I would express to them in a mature as possible way that this idea doesn't sit well with you. Ultimately, parents are never entirely happy when their child grows up, especially if it seems to be impacting their future. I think the fact you've accepted that some of the things you have done need to be worked on is good, so hopefully they will see that you're willing to work on some things and be safe with others.

Sorry if this wasn't very helpful. I hope it works out for you. Take care.



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Re: Dealing with my asinine parents - February 19th 2021, 12:08 AM

Thanks guys. Yeah, im 16 and im living in the USA, Oregon right now. I hadnt realized that there was such an international group here. But its good to know that my parents are batshit crazy, and not just in this country, lol.

Ive been working on thinking about the things I would like to say to them, and trying to find a good time to talk to them. These past 2 days it seems like my sister is always around. Or maybe I am just using that as an excuse, I dunno.

I had a thought though, what if they arnt using the belt idea to try to stop me from having sex? What if its meant to provide motivation to follow the rules, make better decisions, all that. Like trying to use my sex drive, or the embarrassment of wearing it as motivation to be smarter.

And yes, I hear about choosing better locations with my gf. Neither of us were thinking about that at the moment and just... yeah.

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Re: Dealing with my asinine parents - February 19th 2021, 07:45 PM

Hey there, thanks for reaching out! First of all, I want to say it's not that your parents have gone batshit crazy; but it's more that they are upset and in a state of shock, as other users have mentioned. The things they've discovered about you, and what they continue to discover, can put a lot of strain on a parent in regards to how they've been raising you and fear of how your life will turn out. So, batshit crazy? Hardly. Try to see it from their point of view... you live in their house, you are under their guardianship until you turn 18, they pay for your phone bills; because of all these, they are responsible for these things.

Sending pictures of a sexual nature as a minor, to another minor, is against the law and can be considered child pornography. You can get in serious trouble for that, and you might even have to register as a sex offender; that would affect any potential job opportunities in the future. If you want to hang out with your partner and get naked, together, that's fine; but don't send pics of a sexual nature.

Speaking of sex, doing so in a public place is also a violation of the law and can earn you jail time. Your parents probably feel humiliated by this because neighbors might have seen you and reported it to them. Try to think of yourself as being a parent, perhaps with a very good reputation around town or on the block, and a neighbor tells you they think they saw your kid having sex in his/her car? That'd be humiliating for as long as I lived on that street, which could be years.

However, I will say that it's a little extreme that they demand you get fit for a chastity belt. The wiser thing to do would be to talk to them and be mature about it; say you'll be more mindful about where you hook up with your girlfriend AND — given the previous pregnancy scare — take advantage of condoms. Now, you can get that as a minor.

So, your parents... batshit crazy? Not quite. Just humiliated and shocked. Talk to them about this, maturely.

Wishing you the best of luck!
   
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Re: Dealing with my asinine parents - February 19th 2021, 09:16 PM

Thanks Melancholia,

I know some/most of the stuff I've told yall about could have some pretty serious consequences. I've admitted that to my parent's and myself. Everyone wants me to try talking to them maturely :P Im sensing a theme.

Honestly I hoped to find out that making me wear something like that would be illegal in the first place, then we wouldnt have anything to discuss. I could just change what im doing myself, without having to do thier idea.

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Re: Dealing with my asinine parents - February 19th 2021, 11:10 PM

You've already stated that you know you did wrong, it shows how great and mature you can be. We're suggesting you chat with your parents because it, too, is the mature thing to do. Even if nothing comes of it and your parents won't budge on their decisions, the fact you at least tried to talk things over with them is good. In fact, trying to chat with them about the situation may help demonstrate to them that you can be responsible.

In terms of whether them making you wear a chastity belt at the age of 16 is illegal, however, isn't something I can answer. Again, I do still think it's a bit over the top. You're at the age where your hormones are all over the place as is. Trying to force you to repress natural human behaviour isn't healthy.


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Re: Dealing with my asinine parents - March 13th 2021, 11:04 PM

I tried the talking to them and let the whole thing cool down again but today they surprised me with the lifecasting appointment. I didn't know what to do and i just ended up going along with it like an idiot.
I really dont know what to do at all, i know they cant make me put it on or put it on me but do I agree to wear it so they will let me have a life again and pay for some of my college or do I just be a hermit at home until they change thier mind. Im even thinking about just leaving but its like they knew I might try and made it so much harder when they took my cell phone and bank cards, I cant even call a friend cuz I dont know thier number and I cant even go buy a tent
   
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Re: Dealing with my asinine parents - March 15th 2021, 04:55 PM

Have you considered discussing your situation with someone from school? A teacher, for example. Does your school have a guidance counsellor or anything similar? If they do, you could consider chatting to them about your situation and see what they can suggest.


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Re: Dealing with my asinine parents - March 17th 2021, 06:57 AM

I kind of gave it a go, and went in and asked about what kinda things we could talk about and keep private and whatnot. I guess its a good thing cuz here in Oregon if a counselor or a priest or people like that learn of anything that sounds like sexual abuse and minors they are supposed to report it to the police by law. If I had dumped everything on her then the police would've gotten involved and then stuff would have really blown up.

I dunno I was kinda able to bring it up with a friend, like not that is was me but more like a what if kinda situation, you know? He had an interesting spin on it I guess, kind of like would he would probably wear one in exchange for a years college tuition and help getting financial aid. Kind of like reverse prostitution, being paid not to have sex in the amount of however many thousands school costs now. I dont know, maybe im just getting used to the idea since its been around awhile now or something but it doesn't sound as bad when put like that.

Does that make me a loser for even thinking about it?
   
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