Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Screaming thread.

[nothereanymore]

When people find out you're a writer - "Oh, you should do this!"
YOU SHOULD NOT DO THAT OKAY. OKAY.

[nothereanymore]

Life: Things are going good for you right now, right?
Me: Ho don't do it
Life: Drop the phone you just got three days ago and shatter it.

I feel an inch tall. Stupid and irresponsible. Too broke to fix it and when I do get a job fixing my phone isn't a priority over my $7000 debt. Why. Why why why.

How could you do that to all of us who loved you?

[Kindred]

can't concentrate. mind and chest racing. pills will make me stupid and i need my mind right now

[Fallingforyou]

A girl from my school just killed herself and I really could have known, but I didn't and I feel so, so terrible on so many levels.

[Everglow.]

Just me and them home tomorrow night. Absolutely dreading it.
Feeling so low tonight anyway and its just gonna be awkward all night.

[.:PrincessZelda:.]

I can't keep doing this anymore.....

[nothereanymore]

Well, I had one good moment.

[Everglow.]

Feeling so low I can't even put together a sentence for my uni work. Can't concentrate.
Want to hurt myself.

You may have been raised to be a gentleman, but that is not what you are. A gentleman does not go around calling women bitches because they're not interested in him. A gentleman does not insist that he is a nice guy and therefore deserving of a girlfriend. I am not a consolation prize for you being nice. I apologize if I have led you on in any way, but I have explained to you as gently as I could that I am not interested in dating you. It is not my problem that you are choosing to believe I want anything to do with you.

[Everglow.]

I don't care what the circumstances are, don't text and drive. Don't put yourself at risk and don't put every other person on the road at risk because you cant leave your phone alone long enough to drive home. Don't be that bloody stupid.

[Kate*]

It figures, the first time I can't get a follow up appointment on time because Medicaid is stupid, I start having symptoms for no reason.

3rd year in a row I can't afford loan payments. I can't pay nothing forever.

I could tell everyone who didn't believe me "I told you so" about a thousand times.

Even if there was something they could do, they don't care enough to do it because they don't have to anymore and I wouldn't be worth it anyway. I know that any response would leave me disappointed even if it was your job to give me one. I can't handle having anything fail right now which means I can't have hope for help either. I'm the exception to everything so I may as well give up on believing that it's going to get any better. Everyone else gets that, so I get the opposite, it gets worse until I decide to quit out of complete exhaustion in every sense of the word. I hope you didn't take that as weird, I did the best I could and tried not to dump on you.

Why do I feel like I can't tell you this? Maybe I've just leaned on you too much, maybe I don't want to ruin the good day you had, maybe I don't have the energy, or maybe I just don't want to think about it anymore.

I don't believe it's healthy to teach children that whenever they're upset, they "must choose joy" You're teaching that negative emotions (that make us human) are wrong and unacceptable. They're uncomfortable not wrong. Teach her how to cope with them, not ignore them.

[nothereanymore]

Would be nice to find a guy who thinks I'm worth his time. The fuck is wrong with me?
As if I couldn't tell you.

[Kate*]

You are a fucking asshole, and given that its Youtube and your attitude, I seriously doubt it. Do you deal with your supposed "clients" like that?! Although in my experience, I'm the only one to ever end up disqualified. Must learn to STOP doing this. And I lost another Saturday to the endless depression. This will kill me, I swear.

Why do I always decide I'm ready to contact a therapist on the weekend when I can't?! By Monday I don't want to do it anymore. Maybe it's a sign. As long as I do nothing, it will get worse, or at least not better. But, if I do it, it'll get worse first, then maybe better, maybe not. Or it could get worse if I end up with yet another one like them.

I think I'm finally ready. I'd prefer to do this by email since that's supposedly an option, but the link is broken. Stupid phone anxiety. At least if I make the appointment all she has to do is take me and it's close. She'll probably still try to tell me I don't need it and talk me out of it. I think it's pretty clear at this point that I'm not going to pull myself out of this. It's been almost 2 years and I'm still barely holding on. I'm less emotionally raw, but I still have no life. And if I get screwed out of this because the Medicaid lapses again for no reason YOU can deal with it this time because I did it last time, you're in charge of this, and I screwed it up, so I'm NOT doing it again. I would wait until January to do this, but chances are, even if I made the appointment tomorrow, it would be at least January by the time I got in.

I know what the problem is: I've lost my purpose. I've lost my "spark". At least I know I didn't do it to myself (or did I?!) I am not expendable. I'm a human being with a heart and feelings. Find a nicer way to destroy people next time. Of course, I'm probably the only time this will happen, ever. The fact that I know what I know provides some comfort.

[Calaer]

I just want one day where I can get up and not have to have the weight of your expectations pulling me back down.

[nothereanymore]

I have become a booty call. Oh my god.

[Kindred]

I literally feel like I have injected pure anxiety into my veins jesus christ this is horrific

I can't sleep. I didn't sleep last night either. I'm tired. I'm also angry that so many people make the same comment about people who are abused. It upsets me because it's untrue and I want to clarify that but I don't have enough information.

[Celyn]

I have so much to do and I want to get on with stuff. But I feel cold, sick and I have cramps. I can't concentrate on anything.

[Phantom_Girl]

Why does everyone always get what I want? Especially those who don't necessarily deserve it. I work my ass off and for what? Nothing, that's what. I'm just a nobody that no one important thinks about. I get forgotten. I want to fight but I can't, I just can't. Because each time I try I just get knocked down again. Why, WHY does everything good happen to everyone else but me?

[nothereanymore]

I wish I wasn't having problems on my medications. I know we'll figure it out and it's early on in the recovery process but that's still super frustrating and disappointing.

[Kate*]

I'm sincere when I say I wouldn't wish what I've been through on my worst enemy and never want anyone else to go through it. But, I really wish I wasn't the only one and there's a part of me that hopes I won't be.

My eyes are so dry they hurt and my vision is blurry. I'd use the moisturizing drops, but they've been used on the cat.

My conditions are not "excuses", my pain is legitimate, and I'm doing the best I can to heal from the worst experience I've ever survived caused by the last place on Earth I thought it would ever come from. Don't disguise your judgment as help.

[nothereanymore]

No money, no car, no friends. No surprise.

[nothereanymore]

I am an actual piece of garbage

[Everglow.]

Feeling so low tonight. Irritable and low.
Want to go to bed for a few days and not get up to deal with life.
So tired. No time to ever get over it all.

[nothereanymore]

Drowning. Need a job. Need to not be fucked up.

[nothereanymore]

When boys hang out their windows and pull out their phones like they're taking pictures and asks what you're doing as if they're about to ask you to get in the car. What the fuck. I live in a good neighborhood. What is this bullshit?

[Tigereyes]

There so much going on and it just won't stop. Can life just chill for one fucking day? I'm losing my mind and I don't have the energy to deal with this anymore.

[Everglow.]

Maybe it is me... maybe I think bad things and then they happen because I think them.
I think I must be such bad luck.

[nothereanymore]

I can't stand feeling this way.

[Kate*]

I feel like I may have finally turned a corner, but every time I say that, I crash again. So, I'm probably jinxing myself.

[Everglow.]

I don't want you here because it's awkward. I don't want him here. I don't want to deal with the arguing and the snapping. I don't want to deal with any of it.
I want to sleep through it all and not speak to you until I know you're not going to tell me off or jump down my throat. I Want to go back in time to before everything got ruined. To before we fell out.
I want my friends but I'm losing them all.

Is it something I did..?

[Kindred]

My body is screaming at me and I don't know why

[nothereanymore]

Had a dream that my mom and I got into a fight. Dreams tend to warp things, obviously. Nope. Fucking spot-on. I hate her sometimes.

[Storyteller.]

Please don't tell me I'm getting sick.

[Everglow.]

I'm tired of being tired.

[.:PrincessZelda:.]

I can't take it anymore. I wish I was dead. I'm better off dead than alive.

[Calaer]

I hate how you act, but then again, that's none of my business.

[Everglow.]

You're so rude. I can't believe how rude you are.

[Haunted]

Why is it that when I was diagnosed with diabetes everyone was swarming around my hospital bed wishing me well while nobody fucking showed up when I got locked up in a psych ward for two weeks for being so depressed that I harmed myself and refused to see a counsellor because I didn't care anymore? Why is it that when my mother is sad everyone tries to cheer up but nobody notices when I'm relapsing? Why doesn't my pain matter unless it's physical?