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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
BoyLukeBoy Offline
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How do i convince my Girlfriend that i didn't cheat? - October 12th 2017, 10:40 AM

Hi, i'm Luke i'm a 13 year old boy. i've been dating a girl for around a year and i think the world of her. i love her to bits and i want to spend the rest of my life with her. i've done everything she has asked me to do to change and be the boy she wants me to be. I had my haircut in a style she wanted, i threw my old clothes out and bought new ones she picked for me, i cut out all my old friends she didn't want me hanging out with. i devote myself to her. i do everything she wants me to do to please her, i spend my pocket money and money from my weekend job on gifts for her, i do chores for her. she makes me write poems and essays for her and makes me buy her flowers. i take her out places and i pay for everything. i thought everything was ok and i was keeping her happy. whenever i upset her i usually get silent treatment for a bit after or she slaps my face or kicks my balls as punishment but then we wipe the slate clean and everythings ok again, she always forgive me eventually each time i let her down. But two weeks ago someone told her i was cheating on her with another girl, she refuses to tell me who said it but whoever it is they are lying and i don't know what the motive is for saying this. i have never and would never cheat on her, shes the only girl i want. But she believes it and thinks i did it. She told me its over for good and i knelt infront of her and begged her to believe me and she didn't.and also when she dumped me she also kicked me in the balls as extra punishment. over past two weeks i keep begging and begging for her to talk to me and give me a chance, i kneel for her and i tell her its a lie and she refuses to listen or believe me, i don't know what to do, shes cutting me out and i am beside myself. i love her so much and its killing me that she doesn't believe me and is cutting me out like this. i'd do anything to get her to see i'm telling the truth but i don't know how i can prove to her that the other person was lying? she won't even tell me who they are. i want her to forgive me, even though i didn't do what i am accused of, maybe all i can do now is beg for forgiveness anyway? any advice?
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: How do i convince my Girlfriend that i didn't cheat? - October 12th 2017, 02:48 PM

Hey,

So from what I have read it sounds like she is very abusive and muniplutive. You SHOULDN'T change yourself for anyone. She should have never kicked you, or slapped you. Honestly my advise would be to let her go on and move on. You do not need that type of person in your life.

Look at this as a good thing. You can go back to being you again. You can have the friends you want. Wear what you want, and have your hair the way you want. I honestly think this is a good thing that has happened.

I know you say you love her and that she is the only girl for you, but you are thirteen years old and this is probably the first girlfriend you have had. Trust me you are going to have a lot more girlfriend and they are hopefully going to treat you a lot better than this one, and not make you change who you are. I know it is hard but you should deal with the break up and move on.

I hope this has helped. if you ever need to talk my PM/VM is always open.

Your Friend,
Essa<3
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Re: How do i convince my Girlfriend that i didn't cheat? - October 12th 2017, 03:13 PM

I agree with MerESSAMaid You should NEVER change yourself for anyone evEn a girl. It also sounds like she is demanding. and again on this I have to agree with MerESSAMaid on this, that you are 13 you Still haven't fully matured yet. You said she is the only girl for you, well she isn't because you know there are plenty of other girls around the world.
I to would advise you to move and I know you might say or feel that you might not be able to move on but trust me, you'll move on.
Hope Everything works out for you~ Kitty


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Re: How do i convince my Girlfriend that i didn't cheat? - October 14th 2017, 01:50 AM

Hey!

I agree with Dre and Essa.

Dont EVER CHANGE FOR ANYONE. No matter how badly you love the person.

From what I read. She is very abusive and highly manipulative. She should not have been slapping you or kicking you.

Again here is where I agree with once more Dre and Essa, your only 13 you haven't fully grown. You still a child and yes its hurting now but look at it this you can do whatever you want without being criticized/judge from your previous girl. There will be more girls (or guys depending on your sexuality) for you.

Its hurting now, trust me I know, I went through the same thing. But the best thing to do is block her off of everything, social media like Snapchat, Instagram, Kik, extc., phones numbers. Lose all contact with this person. If she is in your school dont look at er. Keep your head down. Or surround yourself with your friends.

Turn to your friends for help and support. That is the best thing to do. And if your close to any of your family member turn towards them.

You need to move on from her, but it should feel pretty good after a month or two knowing you can dress the way you want, have the hair the way you want, and hang out with whomever you want.

I know it is hard but it gets better, I promise!.

I hoped I help in anyway.
And good luck and have a great day!- Casper


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Re: How do i convince my Girlfriend that i didn't cheat? - October 14th 2017, 03:27 AM

Hey there,

Sometimes, in a relationship there are positive changes that both people have to make in order for the relationship to last. However, from what you described, it does not seem as though this girl has asked you to make positive changes. It seems like she is asking you to change your appearance and your friends. It seems that this girl is being manipulative and abusive. She had absolutely no right to kick you. I know it seems like this girl is the only one for you but I assure you that there are plenty of people out there for you. I think, it might be a really good idea for you to walk away from this relationship and focus on rebuilding the lost friendships.

I know it probably seems impossible to be without this girl but with time that will get better. But, please do not get back with her because she is mistreating you.

Best regards.
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Re: How do i convince my Girlfriend that i didn't cheat? - October 15th 2017, 04:39 AM

I had a girlfriend like that once.

The relationship ran its course and ended. It was good while it lasted.

The relationship helped prepare me for the next relationship which was much better.

As for proving something never happened, unfortunately you can't prove a negative. e.g. you can't prove Santa Claus doesn't exist. The best you can do is known as "The Negative Evidence Principle", which says,

1. IF the hypothesis were true, THEN there ought to be evidence.

2. A thorough search for this evidence has been made and none has been found.

Then, one can conclude that it's unlikely the original hypothesis is correct.

For example,

1. IF Santa Claus exists, THEN there ought to be a huge toy factory at the North Pole.

2. A thorough search of the North Pole has been made and no sign of a huge toy factory has been found.

However, one can always insist you just haven't searched well enough.

Such is the unfortunate fate of someone accused of something which never happened. There's no way to prove your innocence. The best one can do is point out all the inconsistencies in the story, how improbable the story is, how crazy psycho nuts the accuser is, how the accuser has a history of falsely accusing men, etc.

(This is known as the H1 vs H2 hypothesis test. If we assume H1=Yes it Happened, how well does the evidence fit? Then assume H2=No it Never Happened, then how well does the evidence fit? Which scenario has the higher probability? The better fit to the evidence?)
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Re: How do i convince my Girlfriend that i didn't cheat? - October 20th 2017, 01:25 AM

Hate to break it to you, but you're asking a question under the pretense that your relationship is healthy or valuable in any way. Right now, you should LEAVE. As you've told us all, you're forced to do chores, write poems, and build flowers, among other things. In other words, instead of a proper relationship defined by RECIPROCITY, you're just being used to inflate her sense of self-worth. Any kind of value you have for her is the same as a mirror that a narcissist has to see how beautiful they are. You're there because you enable her selfishness and she doesn't value you as a person. If you don't value yourself, leave. Stop trying to appease someone that self-centered.

Maybe she's of a higher social echelon than you, maybe you believe you should be grateful just that anyone's willing to date you- whatever reason you've given yourself for maintaining this relationship is wrong. The number one thing is having a person who lets you know that you're appreciated AND is appreciated by you in return. Love, friendship, even formal business dealings- everything is a two-way street. Keep that in mind.
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