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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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jupiterjade
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Unhappy very gay for a girl, pleas help - January 13th 2023, 11:17 PM

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]SO. me (female at birth but now identify as just other using they them pronouns)
I HAVE A GIANT CRUSH ON A GIRL AT SCHOOL (let's call her S for simplicity)
S is in grade 8
I am in grade 7
we met in october, we have talked in the most miniscule ways but we said we were friends and we decided we were friends and we talked a bit but I've given her desserts that I made and we're friendly with eachother but it's just so confusing because sometimes she'll not even look my direction and sometimes she'll talk to me and when I gave her the cookies it was completely platonic but she said she loved me and ruffled my hair (we were sitting on the bus and I was in the seat in front of her) and I really hate it because this is the only person who gave me physical affection and I am so touch starved, I need to touch grass BUT I AM SO COMPLETELY INFATUATED WITH THIS PERSON IT DOES NOT HELP THAT SHE CONFIRMED SHE WAS GAY IN FACT SHE ASKED IF I WAS GAY WHICH MADE ME THINK I HAD A CHANCE AND SHE GAVE ME A HUG AND HIGH FIVES AND HAND SHAKES AND SHE SAID SHE LIKED DECEMBER BECAUSE IT'S COLD AND IF YOU HAVE A SIGNIFICANT OTHER IT'S NICE TO CUDDLE AND I JUST, PLEASE HELP AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

so.
I want to ask her to go to a trampoline park together (skyzone, I want to go to the Ninja Warrior course with her because it sounds fun and I feel like spending time together one on one without people to drag her away [: ( ] would help break the ice a bit and I feel like it's something she would like and I find just doing really silly or just funny things with people make it easier to know eachother rather than just trying to talk) BUT HERE'S THE PROBLEM.
I get REALLY anxious (and overthink everything) it's extremely difficult for me to talk to people and I don't know how to get all the information I want to get out in the small time we usually have to talk.
I would also like to say, yes, I have tried to talk to her through online messaging kind of things, here are the stories:
Story One
I asked if she had Discord, she said yes enthusiastically, I gave her my discord tag, never got a message/DM and she never mentioned it and I don't want to mention because I don't want to seem pushy
Story Two
I made a fully animated video before winter break asking her to go ice skating and I wrote the youtube unlisted video url on a stickynote and put it in a box with wafer cookies, she never mentioned anything about it
so I can't send her a text, a very comedic slideshow presentation or an animated convincing video
what do I do.
(yes, just walking up to her IS as difficult as it seems and IS difficult to me and NO I can't just do that because she is constantly surrounded by so many friends and I am an awkward ugly loner kid who just has a giant crush on a pretty girl on my bus.)

How can I ask her out on a (platonic) date to a trampoline park (y'know, gotta start small)

for those that know morse code, here you go
._/._/._/._/._/._/._/._/._/._/._/._/._/._/._/._/._/._/._/._/._/._/._/._/._/._/._/._/._/._/._/._/._/
(all in capitals by the way)

thank you for reading my rant, anyhelpwouldbereallyappreciatedthankyouuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuu

: )[/size][/color][/font]
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Re: very gay for a girl, pleas help - January 15th 2023, 05:15 PM

Hi there

Welcome to TeenHelp! Thanks for reaching out!

As for your issue itself I feel it is very normal to be nervous, anxious, etc whenever you are talking to somebody you have feelings for. It also is totally normal to want to explore and date the same gender identity as yourself.

I don't feel like there is anything wrong with this, and feeling this way is totally normal around that grade period. I know I had questioned my own sexuality around that time too.

As for asking her, I'd possibly consider asking her 1 on 1 alone. You could ask her then if she'd want to go to the trampoline park then safely. This way none of her friends are around to see or overhear your guys convo. I would think that'd maybe make you feel better so none of them could hear this.

Being gay/lesbian/bisexual is totally fine and there is nothing wrong with it. I'd never listen to people who say it's wrong to be gay, bisexual, etc. Just because you are a girl asking another girl to do something does not mean it has to be romantic or anything.

Take a deep breathe and just think about what you will say to her when you ask her if she wants to go.
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Re: very gay for a girl, pleas help - September 14th 2023, 06:39 PM

I couldn’t read all of this, I just have a word of caution:

Be very careful about same-sex crushing and relationships in middle and high school, because most (if not all) school administrations are EXTREMELY homophobic (and lesbophobic in particular). You could get in big trouble, even though it’s not fair. I would advise finding a trusted teacher you could talk to about this. If you do tell your friends about your girl crush, don’t tell them who—that’s how me & mine both survived.

As a general rule, Lesbians don’t start dating until well after high school graduation, and when we do we use lots of magic, secrecy, hidden implications and flower messages. 😉
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Re: very gay for a girl, pleas help - September 15th 2023, 07:29 PM

Hey there,

Asking someone else out can be scary! I definitely understand why you're feeling nervous about asking her to go to the trampoline park with you.

I think your decision to ask her 1 on 1 is a great one. It avoids putting her on the spot and will also allow the two of you to speak freely without other people inviting themselves along. You mentioned that she's always with her friends. Do you have any time together, such as in a class or on the bus, where there are fewer friends around her? While neither of those is an ideal place to ask someone out, both locations do provide you with the opportunity to ask if she would be willing and able to set aside some time for the two of you to talk privately. She may seem to always be surrounded by others at school, but that definitely doesn't mean it wouldn't be possible for the two of you to have a conversation alone!

If you do get that opportunity, be clear about why you want to hang out. If you want it to be a date, then make sure you tell her that! One of the most common things we run into as members of the LGBTQ+ community is having one (or sometimes both) people involved not knowing for sure if an outing is a date or a platonic hangout. That being said, you did mention that you want this to be more platonic and that you plan to use your time at the trampoline park to just get to know her better. That's perfectly fine as well! If that's the route that you want to go, then let her know that you'd like to get to know her better outside of school and thought that the trampoline park could be a fun way to do that.

I hope this helped some! Please feel free to respond to this thread or shoot me a PM if you want to talk about this more.

Take care,
Sam


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