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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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dating people you met online, the good things. - August 17th 2010, 03:49 AM

so im thinking, maybe its a better thing meeting people online and dating them etc, that live far away. because, unless they lie lol, you get to know eachother soo well for months or years before you meet. i mean, wouldnt you rather go out with someone that you really got to know for a long time without sex? then its like, your really in love with eachother, not just what you see or how popular they are. i dont know. its just a theory. kinda got it from ready my poll answers to "would you date someone you met online?" but yeah. what do you think?
                   
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Re: dating people you met online, the good things. - August 17th 2010, 04:06 AM

From personal experience, it's not ideal. Assuming they don't lie, and are in reality an awesome person, you can't be with them. You want to, but the distance hinders that. It's no fun being in an online relationship that lasts over a year and it just doesn't go anywhere beyond that...
Also, you can know as much about a person as you can through talking on the computer, phone, etc. but it all changes when you're actually there in person. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. You find out their annoying habbits, things they don't nessecarily tell you about otherwise, and they just act differently in person. Yes, there are some people who act the same no matter what, but it's definetly different. Sort of like meeting eachother all over again.
Now maybe I've just had bad luck with this sort of thing, but at one point I thought it was an awesome idea too. Get to know them, and someday you're together. Sometimes that "someday" never comes though. Long distance relationships are hard enough the way they are, let alone trying to keep one together with no physical contact whatsoever for years.
Again, it's all my personal experience and opinions here. You can meet amazing people online though and then meet them in "real life." That, I believe, can work under some circumstances. But strictly online for an extended period of time? Been there, done that, not ever doing it again.

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Re: dating people you met online, the good things. - August 17th 2010, 04:10 AM

I see your point, and in theory it's great... but it doesn't always work that way. People often act differently online than they do in real life. And you can't ever be sure someone is being genuine or just putting on a façade (of who they want to be or who they think you want them to be) when you talk to them. You could end up wasting chunks of your life only to figure out once you meet them that they aren't the person you thought they were.

It sort of goes along with the great debate: should you live with someone before you marry them? You know the person, you love them, but once you begin to actually live with them, you notice much more than you would have otherwise.

There's a parallel. Once you meet someone, you'll notice a lot more than you would if you were simply communicating via the interwebs.
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Re: dating people you met online, the good things. - August 17th 2010, 04:17 AM

I don't see how that would be advantageous at all. If you're worried about rushing into a relationship and having sex with someone before you truly get to know them... then take your time and abstain for the first months or years of your relationship! There's no need to torture yourself by having an emotionally painful, long-distance, online relationship. You can still see a person every day, and simply exhibit some self-control. =P





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Re: dating people you met online, the good things. - August 17th 2010, 07:46 AM

Not so sure about that. Most people in long distance online relationships would give anything to be living closer or be able to see each other more often. I don't really know anyone in a LDR who honestly thinks "it's great I can't meet my bf/gf for a few more years because I'm learning a lot about them"

The one advantage I will agree about is the fact it gives you the opportunity to fall in love with someone for their personality rather than their appearance. Which gives things a little more chance of lasting long term.

I don't really believe about people online "changing" once you meet them in person (unless they deliberately lie). You can actually get just as good an idea about a person talking to them a lot online as in person. A lot of people tend to forget that in a great number of real life relationships the other person can often put on the "nice act" for a while, until their true personality emerges months later once the relationship is set in stone.

Disadvantage-wise there's the obvious fact people DO take advantage of anonymity and lie. And the fact that a relationship that remains purely long distance for years, or permanently, has no real future whatsoever.

Overall, I think both have advantages and disadvantages and in the end it doesn't really matter much what method you meet each other through as long as you're both compatible and love each other.


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Re: dating people you met online, the good things. - August 17th 2010, 04:20 PM

My relationship ended because there was no immediate future (we each have school in our respective countries and neither of us could consider moving for years). It was probably one of the more painful things I've been through, because he and I were truly and deeply in love. It was simply that he couldn't do the distance anymore; it was causing him too much pain. When a relationship becomes more about pain than about happiness (and our truer happiness came from when we were able to see each other, only 2 or 3 times per year, really), then that's when you have to consider if it's worth it. That's one of the major disadvantages I see to a LDR. He and I met online, developed a great relationship, found we had amazing chemistry in person.... but he simply couldn't do it, and I can't blame him. =/ So unless you have a solid future planned out, such as one of you moving to stay with the other in the future, then I can't see it working out real well. Because no one wants a relationship that's purely distance or purely online (very few people, anyway), and it's especially hard for men, I've noticed; I assume this is because they're such physical beings. That being said, they can work, but I do believe a future needs to be involved.
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Re: dating people you met online, the good things. - August 17th 2010, 07:58 PM

I think it is a good thing, as long as your both willing to face the pain of not being with each other and as long as you are both 100% trueful with each other.
Me and my bf met online, we didn't meet untill 6 months after we've been togeather and we get to see each around every 2-4 months. It's difficult but we get by and we both know so much about each other and trust each other with our lives.





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Re: dating people you met online, the good things. - August 17th 2010, 10:57 PM

Quote:
The one advantage I will agree about is the fact it gives you the opportunity to fall in love with someone for their personality rather than their appearance. Which gives things a little more chance of lasting long term.
This is a big advantage imo. This and I guess it makes time you spend together even more valuable. There's also the factor that it means you maintain your independence, which for someone like me, is a big factor.

But then there's loooads of disadvantages, like the fact that I always miss my girlfriend and wish I could see her....

So basically; only if they're really really worth it =).




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Re: dating people you met online, the good things. - August 18th 2010, 12:01 AM

From personal experience, there are a lot of things about online dating that are great.
For one, you can get to know someone you normally would never hang out with. Someone with a different group of friends from what you're used to.
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Re: dating people you met online, the good things. - August 18th 2010, 04:08 AM

It's the worst idea since racism was invented. No really... they all cheated on me, took advantage of me, lied to , taunted me by having sex with people there, burned the stuff i sent them. Ya its not a good idea, of course if lieing didnt exist it would be great idea but yaaa
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Re: dating people you met online, the good things. - August 18th 2010, 10:56 AM

I think it can work for some people, not many but a very small number of people. However most people i hear having online relationships where they have actually progressed into meeting in person and moving in and even getting married are from adults, usually middle-aged (i've heard storied about people meeting over e-bay). I'm not trying to generalise this is just what i've seen personally. But i think the reason its like this is because as an adult you have a lot more freedom, you may have your own transport and in most cases you'll have the money to travel to said country/region to see that person.

As a teenager especially if you still have school it's a lot harder to maintain and there isn't really any future, imo. I mean you can't just jump on a plane to see that person, you'll have to wait years just to get a job and start earning some money so you can see that person (unless you're lucky and parents are willing to pay/let you fly halfway accross the world to meet someone in person for the first time), there's also the chance that they might not be who they say they are (although this could be said for any LDR) and the added strain of worrying about whether that person is also taking the relationship seriously and isn't sleeping around when they're offline.

All in all i don't think LDR and online is the way to go in terms of relationships, it's a lot healthier to get out there and meet people in person. I don't have a problem with online friends but i think if it turns into a relationship then you're just gonna get more emotional pain and strain than anyone needs really. Maybe it's because i'm the sort of person who needs physical contact as part of a relationship, but i'm lucky because i've never been in an LDR, i always knew they were bad news and even though i've met people on the internet who maybe i could have gotten in a relationship with i've known better imo in just keeping friends. Afterall if i'd tied myself down to some online personality then i wouldn't have met my current boyfreind who i can honestly say is the best thing to ever happen to me.
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Re: dating people you met online, the good things. - August 19th 2010, 03:39 PM

I met someone online and we talked for months and months and it was fun. I even broke up with my bf for him and when i met him it was pretty perfect. Let me tell you this I think meeting them online is fine as long as they are honest to you... the one thing I didn't like is that most of the tim it feels like the person isnt real and only in ur head (but lucky this was my friends cuzn who lived in another country) haha.
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