I did it again. I cut. On the arm. Only once but still. I have NO excuse whatsoever as to how I could have gotten a cut there. Fuck. I really can't lose my phone and my computer, I really can't be grounded. I just can't do this. Even with worrying about getting caught I am calmed down now, because the SH calms me and that's why I DO this, and I probably won't worry too much more about it as soon as I find a valid excuse for why it's there, but still. It's really not a bad cut either, not too deep...

I really don't know why I feel so shitty right now. Monday was fine enough, Tuesday I had to take two statewide tests and a final for science. I almost had a breakdown in science class that day, pretty much I threw my pen down and came super close to crying, calling myself a failure, the whole nine yards. Wednesday I was just under stress and whatever, like I have been for a while now. I was supposed to have therapy today but the coolant line in our car broke and so we had to cancel the appointment....

I had a therapy appointment today. Thank fucking god. I feel a lot better now but realized after I left what I needed to talk to her about. That's annoying. And she always asks me if I've cut again and I have to LIE to her and say no because she's a mandatory reporter and would tell my mom. The real answer is yes, yes I have cut. I wish I didn't have to lie but I really don't want my parents taking away my phone, yelling at me, and grounding me. I really wish I could admit to it and don't really...