My mum's gone away for a bit so I don't have to deal with any of her crap. My sisters have gone too. My dad is lovely and he'll pretty much leave me alone over the next few days, so I'm happy with that.

We sat down and watched Louis this evening. I swear we're both addicted to that show. It's nice that we have something in common. He lives in the same house as me and yet I rarely spend time with him.

The trip out this morning was alright. I mean, it could have been...

I have got to the point where i am so confused with my feelings i can't take it anymore. I don't know whether the holding on or the attempt to let go of people is hurting more... I don't want to hurt anyone.

I walked into my room this morning and looked at the vodka bottles and the knife on the floor and it hit me; what am i doing to myself, my holding on is making it worse, i need to do something about this...
Yet it is too hard, it seems like the easiest way out is to not be...

I feel useless. Empty again. I'm ready to go out, I look decent, now I'm just waiting.

I don't know what I'm going to say. But I'm scared that if I don't say much his family will think I'm rude. I just feel lost.

I think they're here.

Well, everyone's been happy this morning, which has helped cheer my mood up. And I have two easter eggs. I'm going out with my boyfriend and his family this morning, which I'm a little scared about. I mean, I've met them before, but I'm terrified I'm gonna mess up. This is the guy I want to spend my life with; I have to get on with his family. Then I'm gonna do some work and then go to the evening church service.

And then my mum will have gone away for a bit so I won't need to face...